To think female groups are hard work

[Peckhaminn]

I've found I perform much better one on one than in girl groups. All my life I've got along with men and find their banter much more enlightening and humorous than female banter.

I don't seem to stick well I'm girl groups, often the one push out or the one that's too 'open'. I just find men much easier than women and I was wondering if this is a common issue?

Last hen do I went on we built rafts, played snooker, stupid games and danced round the kitchen to the spice girls and pulp. Can’t remember any drama beyond the dishwasher breaking. There was a stag do in the bar I was in last night - they got escorted out after one of them punched another patron and one of them shat on the floor of the gents (was chatting to the barman afterwards, they’d also said vile things to one of the women who worked there). Perhaps we should judge people on their conduct and character rather than their gender because I know which event I’d rather have been at?

I generally find that if someone is falling out with other people or groups of people regularly the problem is them, not the others.

I think women often have deeper connections with their friends whereas male friendships are more superficial in their topics of conversation. Maybe you just haven’t found your people OP but from your posts it seems that you have some difficulty connecting on a deeper level and judging what will be acceptable topics of conversation within the group at the stage of closeness you are at with them.

I get what you're saying, I really do.

But I am literally "not like other girls".

I'm not saying that I'm special, or better. I just have fewer feminine traits than the typical female I meet. I like my female friends, I really value them, they are fantastic.

But I am also sick of the fact that literally every single time we meet up, there is a twenty minute conversation about nails. Nails! How can the topic not be exhausted at this stage?!

When I was younger, there was definitely a lot of stigma directed at girls who weren't "girly" - and most of the stigma came from girly girls.

The source of it all is misogyny, but I'm a bit sick of the stick "not like other girls" girls get FROM NORMAL GIRLS for talking about their experiences. Direct your ire at misogyny at the source, please, not at women who are experiencing it in a different way.

I have zero interest in nail varnish and none of my female friends have ever mentioned it.

Can't remember speaking about make up or clothes either. I do wear make up daily.

You need to just choose less vapid friends.

@thecatsthecats

I have lots of female friends. We've never had a 20 minute conversation about nails.

I don't consider myself to be particularly feminine.

I don't mock my friends for having more of the stereotypical traits than I do.

Wot @UWhatNow said.

One of the best things about getting older, in my sixties now, is finding how the undemanding nature of friendships with groups of men compared with the more demanding but ultimately more rewarding kind of friendship available from women, even in groups.

If she's having chats about nails, it's probably because she's a lot younger. So yes, very much believe it.

Obviously. It's a biological fact that women are bitchy, shallow, cliquey, unwilling to discuss anything natural, unfriendly, boring, terrible company. Every single one of them. Biology.

Only men have the genes to hold a decent conversation and be great company. And though you've never tried to have a conversation with them about fanny fluids (thanks PP, I'm having that) im confident they'd handle it in a profound way, not like silly women who giggle and say it's disgusting.

I think you just need different friends or to stick to 121s.

I have groups of female friends I love, but also work in entirely make work spaces sometimes, and women talk a lot more about sex I’d say, so I think there’s something else going on for you here.

Then you surely know these women are just dopey people or at least I hope you do. You surely don’t think most women find it difficult to talk about bodily fluids, or lack humour??

@thecatsthecats

You also just need different friends. I’ve been a woman for several decades and have perhaps had a total of 5 minutes conversation about nails in that time. Unless you work in a nail bar, that is.. niche.

@thecatsthecats *I get what you're saying, I really do.

But I am literally "not like other girls".*

This will clearly come as a shock to you but women are not some homogeneous group the same interests, likes and thoughts.

I get what you're saying, I really do.

But I am literally "not like other girls".

I'm not saying that I'm special, or better. I just have fewer feminine traits than the typical female I meet. I like my female friends, I really value them, they are fantastic.
Except you are suggesting you're super different from the rest of us because you've decided that the men folk are so much more engaging and funny than women, and you don't do friendships with women because women are bitchy and high maintenance.

I don't think I've ever had a 20 minute conversation about nails because I'm not interested in nails

Maybe I'm not like the other girls, and my friends from different walks of life, with different personalities and different interests probably aren't like the other girls too.
Except we don't come to that conclusion because womanhood isn't a personality and we don't need to pretend that having a personality makes us special.

Where did I say that I thought men were better? Or any of the other things you claim I said? Highlight the text, please, go ahead.

I'm talking exclusively about how I've experienced relationships with women. I wasn't talking about your experiences, so unsurprisingly I didn't reference them.

And you've decided to have a rather twatty go at me based on THINGS I DIDN'T EVEN SAY - because you've decided that I'm a certain type of woman, and that means I must think those things.

Which somewhat undermines your point about not making assumptions about women because they're all different.

Shades of Dylan and the Tampax requests here.

This sounds very ‘pick me girl’ I like Women and their company and have never come across the famous ‘bitchiness’ and don’t say ‘females’ you sound like an Incel

this is so bizarre. Why on earth would you assume that the reason you got it wrong was because you are both women - should that mean you have some sort of automatic symbiotic understanding? If I had an awkward interchange with someone would just assume it was an issue between 2 individuals, their sex would be irrelevant.

I agree with @DoneWithHer - of all the reasons to say you don't get on with groups of women, them not wanting to discuss bodily fluids while at the same time saying you've never tried to discuss bodily fluids with your amazing groups of men, is weird!

They're not vapid. Three Oxbridge graduates, two senior execs.

I don't want different friends. These women are seriously impressive. The fact that you assumed they aren't because they are also fixated on their nails to a certain extent says more about you.

I was merely pointing out that there are feminine traits etc that I can't engage with easily, and they come up a lot. Which is a pain I can live with, but I'm free to talk about.

Google 'did you get picked, sis?' Because you basically personify it.

@thecatsthecats I am actually quite girly and I’ve never had a 20 minute conversation about nails, or hair. My friendship group does talk about clothes a bit but we also talk about sports/video games too because women in the group are into those things.

In other words the women I know aren’t feminine or non-feminine, they’re well-rounded and have different interests.

I think it’s a stereotype that women just talk about cosmetic stuff and ostracise those “non-feminine” women who want to discuss something that isn’t curling irons. That’s where the “not like other girls” trope comes from - the idea that women aren’t rounded people with various interests, thoughts and concerns, but just obsessed with their looks and nothing else. If you’re finding that all women are like that then that’s just bizarre, honestly.

"Im surprised that men are open to talking about their sex and personal issues!"

One on one with good friends they are. In a group I can't imagine it.
Female groups vary with that as well.

@thecatsthecats

Loads of my friends have lots of different interests to me.

As we are, ya know, friends, we manage to 'feign' interest absolutely fine

Maybe it's your social skills that are the issue rather than the sex of your friends

Yes we get it, you're not like those other bitches and you want all the men to know it. To be honest you sound desperate for attention and this turns people off you. How sad and meaningless.

Darkshade, yes - this exactly! Very well put.

No, my friends are largely female; I prefer female company on the whole.

My partners, unfortunately, are men. I'd love it if that weren't the case but .....I'm a completely straight woman, so ...... 🤷