Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What level of flirting by your DH/partner are you comfortable with?

123 replies

Mummysgogetter · 17/02/2023 11:33

Hi,

All the posts on here I have seen in the past week regarding “work-wife”, “DH texting colleague” etc. has made me wonder…. What are peoples comfort zones around their DH/partner flirting?
for myself I would find it disrespectful if my DH was openly flirting with someone at work that I knew for definite he found attractive. If he was having a harmless flirty joke with my friend and I knew neither of them were attracted to each other, then I wouldn’t car. But I’m just interested in where other peoples lines are?

OP posts:
hidingbehindascreen · 17/02/2023 11:35

I work with 2 men, and hubby is absolutely fine with my work husbands
My work husbands always take the mickey when I talk to the delivery drivers as they say I'm flirting... for context I am a fat, in my 40s and average looking at best!

Dinkeigh · 17/02/2023 11:38

Work wife and DH texting colleague in my opinion are not flirting.

Texting about something more personal, or texts that suggests there's an attraction etc are flirting. That's a no.

FrenchandSaunders · 17/02/2023 11:39

None

rexythedinosaur · 17/02/2023 11:40

I wouldn't be comfortable with my DH showing physical affection to other women/ teasing/ speaking in a sexually explicit or intimate way etc.

But some people interpret just talking to another woman as flirting, which is actually quite controlling! I'm fine with him talking to whoever he wants and vice versa.

Merryoldgoat · 17/02/2023 11:42

I’m not keen on work wife/husband stuff but it wouldn’t bother me that much.

I’m a not at all jealous person - if someone wants to cheat they will regardless of what I do so I don’t pay much attention to flirting.

If I found him cheating it’s over and he knows that so I assume if he did then that’s the end for us as he’s got a dreadful memory and I’d find out immediately.

Blossomtoes · 17/02/2023 11:45

My bloke flirts all the time. I really couldn’t care less, nobody would ever take him seriously.

Original poster
Mummysgogetter · 17/02/2023 11:47

Blossomtoes · 17/02/2023 11:45

My bloke flirts all the time. I really couldn’t care less, nobody would ever take him seriously.

But what if he was flirting with someone who you knew without a doubt he found immensely attractive?

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 17/02/2023 11:47

Zero. Full loyalty or feck off. He gets the same respect. I've been through too much to compromise and if it's ever any different I'd rather be alone.

Original poster
Mummysgogetter · 17/02/2023 11:49

hidingbehindascreen · 17/02/2023 11:35

I work with 2 men, and hubby is absolutely fine with my work husbands
My work husbands always take the mickey when I talk to the delivery drivers as they say I'm flirting... for context I am a fat, in my 40s and average looking at best!

Just because you think you’re plain and/or fat, doesn’t mean people don’t find you attractive though

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummysgogetter · 17/02/2023 11:51

rexythedinosaur · 17/02/2023 11:40

I wouldn't be comfortable with my DH showing physical affection to other women/ teasing/ speaking in a sexually explicit or intimate way etc.

But some people interpret just talking to another woman as flirting, which is actually quite controlling! I'm fine with him talking to whoever he wants and vice versa.

We have a guy at work who is forever dropping sexual innuendos, brushing past attractive women and “joking” about dating us. I would be very disappointed if my DH was like this.

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 17/02/2023 11:51

Mummysgogetter · 17/02/2023 11:47

But what if he was flirting with someone who you knew without a doubt he found immensely attractive?

Show quote history

It still wouldn’t bother me. He knows perfectly well that anything beyond flirting would be the end. As Merryoldgoat says If I found him cheating it’s over and he knows that so I assume if he did then that’s the end for us as he’s got a dreadful memory and I’d find out immediately.

gemloving · 17/02/2023 11:52

I find the term strange and I wouldn't have work husband and don't want my husband to have a work wife.

My husband got a along well with one of his female colleagues but we all met with both families at some point, so no issues there. They have moved back to Australia so probably won't see them again.

BreviloquentBastard · 17/02/2023 11:54

My husband is flirted with a lot and this doesn't really bother me, it's not his fault. He's quite an oblivious man so often has to have it pointed out to him that someone was flirting with him, which I find quite charming in a dorky way.

I'd not be ok with the whole work wife thing though. It just feels like a label to slap onto inappropriate behaviour in work to make it ok. Thankfully husband is very good at shutting down flirting when he does notice it, so I've never been given reason to worry.

Abraxan · 17/02/2023 11:55

I don't know anyone who uses the term 'work wife' in real life. Would seem really weird to hear someone say it in a real life situation.

As for flirting - it very much depends what you mean as the term varies massively. But generally no, I would expect Dh to be flirting with his colleagues and I wouldn't with mine.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/02/2023 11:57

Enough with this work wife/work husband bullshit. It's just a cover for inappropriate, unprofessional behaviour.

rexythedinosaur · 17/02/2023 11:57

Mummysgogetter · 17/02/2023 11:51

We have a guy at work who is forever dropping sexual innuendos, brushing past attractive women and “joking” about dating us. I would be very disappointed if my DH was like this.

Show quote history

I wouldn't say that was flirting, I'd say it's pretty gross and misogynistic. Sounds like you're working in the 1950's.

MoreParis · 17/02/2023 11:59

Work wife, just no. Flirting at work or with anyone, that’s not for me. My partner isn’t a sleez and wouldn’t want to come across as one. He gets along well with everyone and is very professional at work. He doesn’t have a high opinion of those that flirt at work.

C1N1C · 17/02/2023 12:00

I'm married and my wife has used the 'work husband' line several times and I've always found it to be incredibly disrespectful. I know for a fact she'd definitely not approve if I said my colleague was my 'work wife' as she gets jealous if I even message female friends...

I wonder how many of the ladies here that have work husbands would feel if suddenly their man came home referring to a work wife...

Aprilx · 17/02/2023 12:01

I was in a “work wife - work husband” situation in my last job. It was an office joke and no flirting whatsoever, nor did we ever text / message each other outside work, other than maybe once or twice for genuine work reasons.

I hope my husband acts appropriately in the office, but I guess I don’t really know. I would not tolerate him texting a colleague all not including Christmas Day as I have read about on here over the last few days.

KillingLoneliness · 17/02/2023 12:02

None

Aquamarine1029 · 17/02/2023 12:04

C1N1C · 17/02/2023 12:00

I'm married and my wife has used the 'work husband' line several times and I've always found it to be incredibly disrespectful. I know for a fact she'd definitely not approve if I said my colleague was my 'work wife' as she gets jealous if I even message female friends...

I wonder how many of the ladies here that have work husbands would feel if suddenly their man came home referring to a work wife...

Have you told your wife how disrespectful this is? I sure would. It needs to stop, immediately, or you have a problem to deal with.

JMSA · 17/02/2023 12:04

Zero. I couldn't handle being with a flirty man.

Original poster
Mummysgogetter · 17/02/2023 12:05

rexythedinosaur · 17/02/2023 11:57

I wouldn't say that was flirting, I'd say it's pretty gross and misogynistic. Sounds like you're working in the 1950's.

Show quote history

Haha yeah 😂 that’s a good point - he’s also in his 60s, grossly overweight, greasy hair with dandruff, which makes him really appealing 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
jibbe · 17/02/2023 12:06

None and if anyone flirts with me I shut it down straight away.

rexythedinosaur · 17/02/2023 12:06

Mummysgogetter · 17/02/2023 12:05

Haha yeah 😂 that’s a good point - he’s also in his 60s, grossly overweight, greasy hair with dandruff, which makes him really appealing 🤣🤣🤣

Show quote history

I would put in a complaint if my boss behaved that way to me.