Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What level of flirting by your DH/partner are you comfortable with?

123 replies

Mummysgogetter · 17/02/2023 11:33

Hi,

All the posts on here I have seen in the past week regarding “work-wife”, “DH texting colleague” etc. has made me wonder…. What are peoples comfort zones around their DH/partner flirting?
for myself I would find it disrespectful if my DH was openly flirting with someone at work that I knew for definite he found attractive. If he was having a harmless flirty joke with my friend and I knew neither of them were attracted to each other, then I wouldn’t car. But I’m just interested in where other peoples lines are?

OP posts:
wishing3 · 17/02/2023 19:24

None. Female friends no problem, flirting not okay for me!

Handsnotwands · 17/02/2023 19:42

I’m not sure I totally understand the difference between flirting and friendly conversation. May be that’s on me to work out 🤷🏼‍♀️

I used to have a boss (woman) who would comment on me flirting with a colleague. Colleague was openly, clearly, obviously gay (also 4 ft 11 and orc ish in looks and 20 years my senior). I liked him, we worked fairly closely despite being based at other ends of the country. He had a traumatic incident whereas he was the victim of a homophobic attack, subsequently went through a difficult relocation from his hometown where he’d lived all his life but no longer felt safe, etc (I knew about this in terms of work relocation. That’s why it came up). He was also a world authority in a specific area I was studying as part of my masters. My boss used to say “oh was that John on the phone you were flirting with”. I wasn’t flirting. I liked him, shared interests, he was pleasant, funny, nice to chat to. I’d be engaged, interested, supportive and enjoyed his company. I wasn’t flirting. Any fool could see that. But she’d still make me feel awkward.

Whyisitsososohard · 17/02/2023 19:47

Absolutely none

Handsnotwands · 17/02/2023 19:48

Handsnotwands · 17/02/2023 19:42

I’m not sure I totally understand the difference between flirting and friendly conversation. May be that’s on me to work out 🤷🏼‍♀️

I used to have a boss (woman) who would comment on me flirting with a colleague. Colleague was openly, clearly, obviously gay (also 4 ft 11 and orc ish in looks and 20 years my senior). I liked him, we worked fairly closely despite being based at other ends of the country. He had a traumatic incident whereas he was the victim of a homophobic attack, subsequently went through a difficult relocation from his hometown where he’d lived all his life but no longer felt safe, etc (I knew about this in terms of work relocation. That’s why it came up). He was also a world authority in a specific area I was studying as part of my masters. My boss used to say “oh was that John on the phone you were flirting with”. I wasn’t flirting. I liked him, shared interests, he was pleasant, funny, nice to chat to. I’d be engaged, interested, supportive and enjoyed his company. I wasn’t flirting. Any fool could see that. But she’d still make me feel awkward.

Quoting myself like a knob. I forgot to make my point. Had he been an Adonis I’d have felt even more uncomfortable enjoying a friendly relationship.

EmmaDilemma5 · 17/02/2023 19:51

I'm not comfortable with any flirting. I really don't see why someone would. Friendly chat is fine but absolutely nothing suggestive or flirty, it would be a deal breaker.

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 17/02/2023 19:53

My DH flirts like Ross of friends so there's no problem 🤣 He knows I'd kill him anyway though so I don't need to worry about flirting. I had an ex partner who was very flirty and it didn't bother me, I felt more jealous/insecure with DH so with him it's always been a not acceptable

Original poster
Mummysgogetter · 17/02/2023 21:32

To all of yous that stated flirting is fine and no problem - how would you feel in the scenario your DH is around a much younger, very beautiful female at work. He “bumps” into her regularly, and prolonged eye contact between them ensues… she coyley smiles and looks up at him between her eyelashes; in response he grins and winks at her. He gets an electric surge of adrenaline from the effect he is having on her - she feels like a school girl. This goes on for months…… is flirting cool in this scenario??

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummysgogetter · 17/02/2023 21:35

Mummysgogetter · 17/02/2023 21:32

To all of yous that stated flirting is fine and no problem - how would you feel in the scenario your DH is around a much younger, very beautiful female at work. He “bumps” into her regularly, and prolonged eye contact between them ensues… she coyley smiles and looks up at him between her eyelashes; in response he grins and winks at her. He gets an electric surge of adrenaline from the effect he is having on her - she feels like a school girl. This goes on for months…… is flirting cool in this scenario??

Sorry, to add: this is the kind of flirting I’m talking about, not the ambiguous “I’m joking flirting” but it’s clearly not having any biological effect on either party unlike the above scenario

OP posts:
CherLloydbyCherLloyd · 17/02/2023 21:38

Mummysgogetter · 17/02/2023 21:32

To all of yous that stated flirting is fine and no problem - how would you feel in the scenario your DH is around a much younger, very beautiful female at work. He “bumps” into her regularly, and prolonged eye contact between them ensues… she coyley smiles and looks up at him between her eyelashes; in response he grins and winks at her. He gets an electric surge of adrenaline from the effect he is having on her - she feels like a school girl. This goes on for months…… is flirting cool in this scenario??

This sounds like some sort of fan fiction.

xogossipgirlxo · 17/02/2023 21:41

Oh god, no flirting is acceptable. He can flirt with me if he wants to.

Original poster
Mummysgogetter · 17/02/2023 21:42

CherLloydbyCherLloyd · 17/02/2023 21:38

This sounds like some sort of fan fiction.

Show quote history

Haha 😂 true, but it happens - I’ve seen it numerous times with older men and young girls at work

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 17/02/2023 21:45

Mummysgogetter · 17/02/2023 21:32

To all of yous that stated flirting is fine and no problem - how would you feel in the scenario your DH is around a much younger, very beautiful female at work. He “bumps” into her regularly, and prolonged eye contact between them ensues… she coyley smiles and looks up at him between her eyelashes; in response he grins and winks at her. He gets an electric surge of adrenaline from the effect he is having on her - she feels like a school girl. This goes on for months…… is flirting cool in this scenario??

You could write for Mills and Boon. 😂

Ladysodor · 17/02/2023 22:05

You only flirt with someone you find attractive.

Sux2buthen · 17/02/2023 22:17

Ladysodor · 17/02/2023 22:05

You only flirt with someone you find attractive.

Definitely not correct

sn0wbun · 17/02/2023 22:20

I have a work husband (and I know his actual wife incredibly well) - DP has a work wife, and between the two of us, we have a whole host of "work children" - DP's a natural flirt, but never in a way that bothers me, at the end of the day, it's me he's coming home to.

OriGanOver · 17/02/2023 22:21

@Ladysodor no not at all! I love flirting but not with men I actually fancy or who would take it anywhere/expect my number/try to shag me!

If I fancy someone I'm awkward AF and ignore them 😂

No issue with being with a flirt either - I think it's funny.

Fancying someone and doing some mills and boon scene wouldn't be harmless flirting!

sn0wbun · 17/02/2023 22:22

Ladysodor · 17/02/2023 22:05

You only flirt with someone you find attractive.

Definitely not true

Thedogscollar · 17/02/2023 22:25

Aquamarine1029 · 17/02/2023 11:57

Enough with this work wife/work husband bullshit. It's just a cover for inappropriate, unprofessional behaviour.

Thanks. It's not just me then thinking what the hell is this new concept 🤔

SarahAndQuack · 17/02/2023 22:26

I wouldn't be happy with my DP flirting with anyone at all; I wouldn't feel good about myself if I flirted with anyone. But I think people use 'flirting' to mean different things. To me, it means a bit of chat that has an undertone of sexual interest, something that could (but might not) continue on into a come-on.

OTOH, I wouldn't be bothered by some of the things MN posters often think are inappropriate. If DP had a colleague offer to drive her home, or if one of my colleagues asked me out for a coffee one-on-one, neither of us would bat an eyelid. I don't think these things are flirting, just part of adult life.

SarahAndQuack · 17/02/2023 22:28

sn0wbun · 17/02/2023 22:22

Definitely not true

Show quote history

I think this has to do with the grim way women (in particular) are expected to schmooze men by being quasi-flirty. At my work, there are several regular customers who expect to act all flirty and imagine they're very popular because of it. I generally pretend I didn't notice, but they can start to get nasty if you don't play along, because they are pretty unpleasant people. I can absolutely see how some women might feel pressure to 'flirt' back in that context.

FavouriteSlippers · 17/02/2023 22:30

I don't like any and guarantee dh wouldn't anyway not possible tbh

takealettermsjones · 17/02/2023 22:32

Mummysgogetter · 17/02/2023 21:35

Sorry, to add: this is the kind of flirting I’m talking about, not the ambiguous “I’m joking flirting” but it’s clearly not having any biological effect on either party unlike the above scenario

Show quote history

Flirting at work isn't ever ok, imo. Winking at work?? Eew.

Maybe I'm a work prude. 😆

Emmamoo89 · 17/02/2023 22:41

None

Karwomannghia · 17/02/2023 22:47

Dh had a work wife in the office he worked in but it never occurred to me to be offended by it!
he now has a work mum, helps her get on the internet when she’s forgotten her password and locked herself out, fixes stuff for her etc

Zipps · 17/02/2023 23:42

I always think of flirts as desperate, insecure, unhappy and perhaps don't get enough attention from their OH.
They always remind me of Pepe le pew.
Cringy af.