What level of flirting by your DH/partner are you comfortable with?

[Mummysgogetter]

Hi,

All the posts on here I have seen in the past week regarding “work-wife”, “DH texting colleague” etc. has made me wonder…. What are peoples comfort zones around their DH/partner flirting?
for myself I would find it disrespectful if my DH was openly flirting with someone at work that I knew for definite he found attractive. If he was having a harmless flirty joke with my friend and I knew neither of them were attracted to each other, then I wouldn’t car. But I’m just interested in where other peoples lines are?

He’s not our boss, he’s a work colleague on the same level. We just take the p*ss out of him behind his back!

None - I find the whole work wife/ work husband thing odd. What makes them a work spouse? What are you doing with them that you wouldn't do with your other colleagues.

I would be very annoyed if my DH had a work wife.

Irrelevant really, I'd report it anyway as sexual harrassment in the workplace. Don't underplay it by laughing. There will be someone feeling extremely uncomfortable about his behaviour even if you are not.

Truth be told, I've tried, just like I have said I'm uncomfortable with the fact she regularly messages her eight year long ex she had right before me. I don't like either situation, but I worry about crossing the line of controlling and telling her who she can and cannot communicate with. I've voiced my 'not thrilled' feelings about both, but would never say she can't...

None, Even the mention of a 'work wife' would tip me over the edge, its so disrespectful and frankly a bit weird.

Why can't a man have a female friend without her been seen as some kind of wife, strange and sexist.

Absolutely none, work relationships and work talk, friendship not a problem.

Flirting? Get to fuck!

Neither of us flirt with other people; I think I would find it hilarious if DP tried! He gets flirted with from time to time. It's quite endearing because he has no idea.

I was the unwitting 'work wife'. Not actually a colleague, more of a contact who was in a whatsapp group I was in with a few other mates from the same industry, which we set up in lockdown. The mixed group meets in real life for lunch/drinks from time to time. On the last occasion, this man's wife came along, got really pissed and kept going on and on about how she used to refer to me as his 'work wife' in lockdown because the whatsapp group was so active. It really pissed me off as it I have zero attraction to this man and the group chat was not at all flirty, and we all contributed equally. The idea that he'd either been referring to me as his work wife or she had got the wrong end of the stick was very irritating and icky. I have been a lot less active on the group since.

I’m comfortable with DH having the same relationship with other women as he does with other men.

ie close friendships, texting all completely fine.

Flirting is crossing a boundary. Same for me.

The only place where the friend being opposite sex matters is sharing rooms, getting changed etc.

Agree. If anyone said this about anyone in our workplace it would raise all sorts of redflags. Why has it even become a thing that people say. It's cringy and minimising behaviour that is crossing professional boundaries.

I am the op of 'husband texting colleague' so am following this thread with interest!

None. And I would never flirt either. Why would you want to disrespect your partner in that way?

I had never heard the term work wife until that thread. I think all explicit f
lirting is out, but that weird sort of banter that can be friendly but can also be flirty with mutual attraction is fine.

None. Why the need to flirt with others if you’re happy together 🤷‍♀️

Zero on both sides. Neither of us flirt, have work husbands, wives or whatever bollocks. We're 100% loyal and happy with each other. We both have male and female friends. But they are strictly friends, no other intentions.
I don't understand why people have relationships yet flirt and message others etc. They aren't really with the person they truly want to be with and are lining up the next.

This is an easy one for me.

None.

None at all.

I don't just want a man who doesn't sleep with anyone else, I want real loyalty and faithfulness. That goes beyond not cheating. It's the way someone conducts themselves around others, how they speak about you when you're not there etc. I'd literally divorce my husband if he was flirting with someone else, I'm just not interested in that.

My DH is 53, grey bearded, tatooed and Northern Irish.
He is naturally sparkly without even realising it. I see women go all gooey when he speaks. He doesn't flirt that I'm aware of
I would have a problem with him texting other women though

Well, work wife is a new one on me! I don't mind my wife flirting and she doesn't mind me talking to women. I walk our dog and am on gossiping terms with several women neighbours, sometimes she'll elbow me and go, "Look! Are you going to say hello to your girlfriend?"

I'm pretty sure I'm not being flirtatious, I'm not sure I can remember how at my age!

None, but that's because DP isn't a flirty person and if he was flirting it would be out of character and mean something. I don't mind him having female friends at all, and I think that's partly because I know what he's like, he would never cross any lines because a) he's morally very black and white about cheating, and b) that's just not who he is. Late DH was a MASSIVE flirt, it was just part of his personality, and I didn't mind him having the odd flirt at a party or whatever (not least because he was an equal opportunities flirt and flirted with men, women, whatever, regardless of whether or not he found them attractive!) but I was less comfortable with him having close female friends because of it. He still wouldn't have cheated, but it would have been easier for him to inadvertently cross a line.

I'm a bit of a flirt and I have no idea if it would bother DP, but I suspect almost certainly not. He's very trusting, and I wouldn't cheat.

Absolutely none.

But I would never get in a relationship with a flirt as I would know we would be incompatible. If there was a subsequent behaviour change, that would be LTB territory for me.

It’s not about what’s right or wrong, it is about compatibility though.

My husband is a huge flirt, he never has to buy a drink on a night out, he fancies one of our bin men, so every Tuesday I ask him how his boyfriend is. I dislike the whole work wife thing as it usually means a colleague you expect to make you a hot drink etc and do small things you don’t fancy doing yourself.

This

Where I work the term work wife or husband is not used in a flirty manner but more in a context of 2 people who work closely together and support each other. I am work mother to a lot of the younger ones because they all come to me with their various problems both work and personal.

This is exactly how I feel.

One of the things that attracted to my partner is that he was part of a fairly big group of friends who were a mix of guys and girls - not couples or anything, just a group of mixed sex friends.

He commuted to work with one of them and occasionally they would meet in the city for lunch, just the two of them.

Now I get on really well with all the girls too - I speak to them far more than he does, but I’d be totally comfortable with him hanging out with them without me. He has done at several times, even staying overnight at one of their houses (as part of a group)

He doesn’t really talk to his work colleagues but he does have a “work mum” and they make each other soup for lunch every few weeks. She also buys him a Valentine’s Day card to give me 😂