What level of flirting by your DH/partner are you comfortable with?

[Mummysgogetter]

Hi,

All the posts on here I have seen in the past week regarding “work-wife”, “DH texting colleague” etc. has made me wonder…. What are peoples comfort zones around their DH/partner flirting?
for myself I would find it disrespectful if my DH was openly flirting with someone at work that I knew for definite he found attractive. If he was having a harmless flirty joke with my friend and I knew neither of them were attracted to each other, then I wouldn’t car. But I’m just interested in where other peoples lines are?

My mum was a brilliant flirt, she didn’t even know she was doing it. She was one of the happiest, most secure people you’d ever meet and my dad adored her.

Erm why would you want to flirting with anyone other than your hubby/partner if your in a good happy relationship 🤔 nothing wrong with a good chat with anyone of any sex but flirting no thankyou very happy in my marriage

Flirting doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I trust my husband, he trusts me and I am 100% sure that we wouldn’t ever cheat on each other. I flirt with my colleagues all day long, I imagine he’s doing the same. We are very happily married and part of that is due to the trust we have in each other.

When people talk about flirting what sort of behaviour are they thinking about?

For me, flirting has a sexual edge to it which is inappropriate if you're in a relationship and is definitely inappropriate in the workplace.

There's nothing wrong with being friendly and having close friends who you have a laugh and joke with but I wonder if what some people consider to be flirting is actually just being friendly 🤷🏼‍♀️

This work wife/husband bollocks blurs lines. You’re either loyal and respectful of your partner and your relationship or you’re not. It’s that black and white for me.

What is a work wife / husband?

I find the 'work wife' thing so cringy. It's like people can't understand that men and women can have a friendly and/or professional relationship. It has to be categorised a particular way.
It's a tad ridiculous.

I don’t flirt with other people, nor would I ever have a “work husband”. I expect the same in return.

Chemistry happens from time to time when you are working with people. What I do is try not to feed it - when I become aware, I step back from any lingering glances or engineered proximity, 'reset' the relationship, and I find the other person usually responds likewise and this reduces angst or being preoccupied with them. I would expect my partner to do the same, but I recognise that he will sometimes feel affection or attraction for colleagues as I do.
The work wife/husband thing I feel used to articulate that relationship with a colleague where you are mutually supportive, organise each other, or keep each other sane. That closeness without there being any threat to partners. It recognises that we often spend a lot of time with our colleagues and often can't talk to spouses about everything at work. I've never had that at work but can see it would be positive. I think dh might have with a few colleagues, and I used to find that positive.
But maybe its usage has evolved or become unhelpful.

It's always work wife though isn't it?
You rarely hear the term work husband. It's like women have to be categorised as a wife to be useful or valued.

If it's a supportive relationship at work then you're colleagues and maybe friends.

Zero, because he's not a flirt, so if he suddenly started flirting with people it would be weird and alarming. Likewise I get extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed if anyone flirts with me. I'm amazed we managed to get together all those years ago.

I do think that flirting means different things to different people, and obviously what's OK for some people won't be for others.

No Flirting is good but am fine with dh talking and texting women as friends.

Did she adore your dad though? Sounds like your mum wanted to be adored by others which is insecure.
I wouldn't describe anyone as a brilliant flirt as I hate anyone flirting with me and DH is the same. We find it Icky. I'll chat to anyone but if they start flirting I'm immediately put off them and escape. It's embarrassing and I find flirt really slimy like Leslie Phillips saying "Well hello"
Yuk 🤢

None. I'm 62 y.o and DH and I have friends of the opposite sex we go to lunch or stay overnight with without a problem.

Both of us have great colleagues we enjoy, but don't flirt with them. There is a very thin line between flirting and being physically/emotionally attracted to someone, and we prefer to keep that line clearly defined in our marriage.

That's great if you two are fine with it. It's a bit of a straw man to say it's about trust. My DH could flirt with women and never sleep with them and it would still bother me. Nothing to do with trusting not to shag

I have a long-standing work friend. Nothing has ever happened we just get on. He's single, we meet up a handful of times during the year for catch-up work gossip. Dp isn't bothered, now if he was flirting dp would say something. I do not sit on the couch texting male colleagues after work having bants or flirting.

Dp works in construction, either on his own or with subcontractors, so not much chance of him flirting with dirty plasters or customers.

I actually saw Valentine's cards for "Work Wife" in the shops 🤮

I could have written that. I’ve been married almost 30 years. Harmless flirty does t bother either of us.

Flirting between single people is fun. Done well it's a work of art crossed with entertaining sport.

Flirting when one or both is not single always makes me cringe.

I'm not worried by people flirting with DH becuase what he does with that is down to him, but the kind of people who do it are not people I want to be friends with. Whether they're flirting with him or some other married man/woman.

Did she adore your dad though? Yes, absolutely. They were married for 64 years. They held hands to the end.

Sounds like your mum wanted to be adored by others which is insecure.

Did you not read that she didn’t even know she was doing it? It was all in a twinkly eye, an arched eyebrow, a smile. She was just naturally charming. She was adored by others, every single person who met her loved her, including the care home workers who only met her deep in the depths of dementia but cared enough to take the day off for her funeral.

^ this
I think some of the people who say they don’t mind their partners flirting are talking more about jokey friendless between opposite sex rather than the true flirting that people do in the company of someone they find sexually attractive. That kind of flirting is the kind where (even if both don’t want it to go further) they are testing the waters, so to speak.

She sounds fabulous ☺️

None.