Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think partner is trying to steal my thunder?

129 replies

ellie09 · 16/02/2023 22:59

I have had a new partner for around 3 months so still relatively new.

I have always been open about not particularly liking my job, and in the new year, I decided to take some time out and go looking for a new job. Very quickly I got a couple of interviews and I am waiting to hear back about a last stage interview and continuing to apply.

When we first met, it seemed to me that he enjoyed his job and never spoke negatively about it. He even walked around wearing a company branded hat. However, as soon as I mentioned I was discontent, he starts.

Anything negative I say, his apparently is much worse. He decided he was going to apply for new jobs. So he starts going wild. Applying for hundreds of jobs, he had 10+ interviews in one week and constantly updated me on it.

The field I am in has far fewer posts to apply for, and his field is more common. It seemed anytime I was updating him on an interview or a prospect, he brushed it off and continued telling me about his own.

We were both waiting to hear back about last stage interviews - he got his job offered, however I am still in the lurch over mine. He says we need to get out the champers on Saturday to celebrate his news.

AIBU to start thinking its all just orchestrated very conveniently and I am being made to feel absolutely useless as I'm still actively trying while someone who seemingly has no issues with his job just casually applies and gets a new job?

I know we are different fields etc so there's no competitiveness with jobs etc and my field is more niche. I just feel that when my news comes, hopefully, that it won't feel as special?

OP posts:
RosetteNebula · 17/02/2023 06:34

If he's already pissing you off after only 3 months (in what should be the honeymoon phase) this probably isn't going to work out.

JimHensonWasAGenius · 17/02/2023 06:41

Do we call short term boyfriends of 3 months "Partners" now then?

Mindymomo · 17/02/2023 06:42

Your partner is a “Topper” and has to top everything you do. We know many toppers, but I don’t think I could have a relationship with one.

Mindymomo · 17/02/2023 06:42

Your partner is a “Topper” and has to top everything you do. We know many toppers, but I don’t think I could have a relationship with one, must be very draining.

Dibbydoos · 17/02/2023 06:43

Red flag, red flag red flag - get shut now.

Good luck job hunting x

Camillialane · 17/02/2023 06:44

Run for the hills

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 17/02/2023 06:54

ellie09 · 17/02/2023 00:41

Come to think of it, I have hypothyroidism, on medication etc for it. I lost 3 stone once medicated through gym etc.

He's put on a bit of weight (he just eats crap to be honest). All of a sudden he has made an appointment with his doctor to get bloods done as he thinks it "might be his thyroid" as he has some symptoms that were like mine.

Show quote history

This stuff is gonna get very annoying very quick. I'd leave now before your deeper into the relationship

MySugarBabyLove · 17/02/2023 06:59

Tell him that actually you’ve just been offered an internal promotion and are much happier now so you’re not going to be leaving after all. See what he does with that one. 😀

NellietheElephantpackedhertrunks · 17/02/2023 07:04

TBH, he sounds like a bit of a prick (and wearing the company branded hat outside of work is just embarrassing).

donttellmehesalive · 17/02/2023 07:06

Tell him you've been offered a dream job paying more money than you know how to spend and sadly no longer have time for a relationship.

journeyofinsanity · 17/02/2023 07:09

Ragwort · 17/02/2023 05:08

It all sounds weirdly intense for a three month relationship... and why can him your 'partner' if you've only been dating three months?

I was engaged after a week and married by 7 months. It's been over 30 years. Why do people feel they get ti dictate other people's timelines?

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 17/02/2023 07:11

Just end it, he's a one upper and he'll never get any better. You've been together 3 months that's nothing but if his behaviour ys annoying you now can you imagine how peed off you'll be in a years time?

JorisBonson · 17/02/2023 07:32

A boyfriend of 3 months that has you posting on Mumsnet really isn't worth it.

ItchyBillco · 17/02/2023 07:35

He sounds utterly tedious. You’re only three months in. Bin him off.

3487642I · 17/02/2023 07:41

OP, These stories sound like the kind of anecdotes people tell in answer to the question "what were the first signs that you were dating a narcissist?"

stregadelcucito · 17/02/2023 07:42

On the basis that the French apparently say that you take as long to get over someone as you were with them...run for the hills now and you'll be over him by May, in time to enjoy the summer, have fun and maybe, or maybe not meet someone lovely instead.

The Billy-two-shits only get worse IMO, I had some really tough family stuff to deal with last summer. My Billy-two-shits just couldn't come up with anything to 'beat that' (not that it is anyway a competition, well not for most people anyway). His crisis that actually did 'top mine' was that 'it was so hard and traumatic for HIM watching me go through everything' that really HE had it worse. This just deflects everything to him...he's all me me ME. This is probably how he behave to survive, but it's not your problem to fix!

Run for the hills (and don't listen to the guilt trip that the Billy-two-shits are so very good at!)

Backstreets · 17/02/2023 07:42

There seems to be some mirroring going on, some men are deeply uninventive and instinctively plod along so he genuinely might have thought twice about his job satisfaction when you started talking about yours, and considering his weight when you were diagnosed.

Sounds fucking tedious though

KickHimInTheCrotch · 17/02/2023 07:49

He sounds like a twat. This won't be the last time he tries to out do you.

Paq · 17/02/2023 07:53

He sounds odd.

CharlieBoo · 17/02/2023 07:55

Massive red flags here for me too.. all about him.. it will only get worse. Run like the wind

neverbeenskiing · 17/02/2023 07:59

It's only been 3 months, if he's annoying you just call it quits.

Rewis · 17/02/2023 08:02

Does it matter? You're 3 months into a relationships and he is not really showing any interest in listening and being supportive. And you are wondering if he has this massive unattractive personality trade. Its only been 3 months and this part should be fun and easy

millionsofproducts · 17/02/2023 08:05

3 months is not a partner. It's a boyfriend whom you barely know.

If you are feeling like this now, it's not going to get any better. Bin him.

CousinKrispy · 17/02/2023 08:12

I can't stand people who have to one-up you all the time. My ex was one of these who couldn't see me experiencing job stress or any minor illness without him having the same thing but worse. And not in an organic way, if you know what I mean--you know when it feels "off."

I'd dump this guy before you get pulled in any farther.

emptythelitterbox · 17/02/2023 08:18

Him making a jump for a piddly 5k seems a bit silly.

I do get what you mean. He is a billy two shits or tommy topper.

Always having to one up. He's either narcissistic or is really insecure inferiority complex so has to overcompensate by one upping everything.

Has he helped you at all with your job search or has it all been about him and helping him? me me me me!

At 3 months this is as good as it gets and that isn't good at all!

Can you imagine having a kid with him and him being the bigger kid and tantruming if his kid beat him at a game?!! That's exactly his MO.

If you're going to break up with him, you should have a play saying you've interviewed for some rare job in your field and it happens to pay 15k to 20k more than him. Watch his head spin around and explode haha!