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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think partner is trying to steal my thunder?

129 replies

ellie09 · 16/02/2023 22:59

I have had a new partner for around 3 months so still relatively new.

I have always been open about not particularly liking my job, and in the new year, I decided to take some time out and go looking for a new job. Very quickly I got a couple of interviews and I am waiting to hear back about a last stage interview and continuing to apply.

When we first met, it seemed to me that he enjoyed his job and never spoke negatively about it. He even walked around wearing a company branded hat. However, as soon as I mentioned I was discontent, he starts.

Anything negative I say, his apparently is much worse. He decided he was going to apply for new jobs. So he starts going wild. Applying for hundreds of jobs, he had 10+ interviews in one week and constantly updated me on it.

The field I am in has far fewer posts to apply for, and his field is more common. It seemed anytime I was updating him on an interview or a prospect, he brushed it off and continued telling me about his own.

We were both waiting to hear back about last stage interviews - he got his job offered, however I am still in the lurch over mine. He says we need to get out the champers on Saturday to celebrate his news.

AIBU to start thinking its all just orchestrated very conveniently and I am being made to feel absolutely useless as I'm still actively trying while someone who seemingly has no issues with his job just casually applies and gets a new job?

I know we are different fields etc so there's no competitiveness with jobs etc and my field is more niche. I just feel that when my news comes, hopefully, that it won't feel as special?

OP posts:
TreadLightly3 · 17/02/2023 00:37

NotAnotherTaco · 17/02/2023 00:27

It shouldn't be this hard in three months.

^This!!

Also, right now it's about jobs. Imagine the future ways he's going to be a knob.
Your car starts to play up, you buy a cheap runaround. His car has a spectacularly dramatic incident and he buys a Porsche.
You get ill with a cold. He gets pneumonia.

God forbid you go on to have children - how will he take away the spotlight when you're in labour?!

Good luck for the job hunt btw!

This

Original poster
ellie09 · 17/02/2023 00:41

NotAnotherTaco · 17/02/2023 00:27

It shouldn't be this hard in three months.

^This!!

Also, right now it's about jobs. Imagine the future ways he's going to be a knob.
Your car starts to play up, you buy a cheap runaround. His car has a spectacularly dramatic incident and he buys a Porsche.
You get ill with a cold. He gets pneumonia.

God forbid you go on to have children - how will he take away the spotlight when you're in labour?!

Good luck for the job hunt btw!

Come to think of it, I have hypothyroidism, on medication etc for it. I lost 3 stone once medicated through gym etc.

He's put on a bit of weight (he just eats crap to be honest). All of a sudden he has made an appointment with his doctor to get bloods done as he thinks it "might be his thyroid" as he has some symptoms that were like mine.

OP posts:
Ihadenough22 · 17/02/2023 01:33

After you were with him say on a few dates you told him that you were not happy in your job due a few reasons and you decided to look for another job.
He then tells you his job is horrible having never said this before. He applies to several jobs, does a few interviews and gets a new job.

He can't wait to tell you about his new job despite knowing that your still looking for another job. You mentioned that he is getting another £5k a year and moving to a smaller company. You also figured out if he stayed in his previous job and worked a bit harder he be moving up their with a £10k pay raise.

As other people said this is the honeymoon period of your relationship. Meanwhile your noticing more things about his behaviour and attitude. From what you told us I don't think long term he will support you or put you first. He will want the world to revolve him and his needs.
It your decision now what to but I think you need to tell him that it over.

Krayvon2 · 17/02/2023 01:39

Red flag to me.

Sounds like a narcissist. Run for the hills

Floomobal · 17/02/2023 01:42

If you feel like this 3 months in, there’s no future. Stop wasting your time

SnackyOnassis · 17/02/2023 02:33

Oh god, get out while you still can.
This guy is Billy Two-Shits - (you take one shit? He took two.) and it's not a fluke, this is a massive personality trait for a person like this. It doesn't change - every time you're ill, they're sicker, every time they cook a meal it's gourmet and should be met with high praise while your cooking isn't even acknowledged, it's a constant game of one-upping and it's exhausting. This is not a man to build a life with.

Throw this one back OP, get a new squeeze to go with (hopefully!) your new job. Good luck and hope you hear back soon!

Ohdofuckofdear · 17/02/2023 02:55

Massive alarm bells ringing and at only 3 months in,dump and run and as fast as you can.

If you want to make sure before you dump and run come up with another specific problem or 2 and see how long it takes him to decide he has the same problems or much worse.

ShinyPikachu · 17/02/2023 03:02

SnackyOnassis · 17/02/2023 02:33

Oh god, get out while you still can.
This guy is Billy Two-Shits - (you take one shit? He took two.) and it's not a fluke, this is a massive personality trait for a person like this. It doesn't change - every time you're ill, they're sicker, every time they cook a meal it's gourmet and should be met with high praise while your cooking isn't even acknowledged, it's a constant game of one-upping and it's exhausting. This is not a man to build a life with.

Throw this one back OP, get a new squeeze to go with (hopefully!) your new job. Good luck and hope you hear back soon!

I've always known it as Tommy Two Shits but I'm with you on every single point.

OP does he do this to anyone else? I knew someone like this, he had to buy a bigger house when he had just moved in with a partner and realised the neighbours' house was nicer, had to have a better car than someone who was looking for one, you couldn't even listen to music with him without him wanting to one-up people on his apparently amazing musical knowledge. It infuriated him when I knew every question he asked and he didn't know ones I threw back at him.

He was an arse as a neighbour and "friend" and even worse to his then partner. It's not worth putting up with it this early on.

Pirrin · 17/02/2023 03:15

When it's not even someone you have a longstanding relationship with, get out. He should be in the hanging off every word you say stage, making a lovely big fuss of you getting interviews and not making it all about him. Run, or you'll be kicking yourself down the line when you're the frog in the boiling pan! It felt off because it is off (although that's not to say he realises what he's doing).

Quirkyme · 17/02/2023 03:20

Leave him.

TiaI · 17/02/2023 03:21

what happens if you talk to him about this behaviour? Interested if he takes on board your feelings and changes or carries on ..

this type behaviour can be an autistic trait.

Redkettle · 17/02/2023 03:35

Run like the gingerbread man

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/02/2023 04:36

He’s really cut off his face to spite his right if he went for a smaller company and could potentially have got the promotion. Smaller companies normally mean less possibility to advance. The potential time to look for a job was had he not got the promotion.

You’ve been together such a short period of time. He’s shown you a massive flaw in his character. He’s prepared to self sabotage to put himself in the limelight and made you feel small in the process. He’s competitive and relentless even when in the wrong. That doesn’t make for a good partner and especially not a good father if that figures in your future plans.

Gillyyy · 17/02/2023 04:46

I think there is something weird that when other people are applying for jobs it does make you reevaluate your job and if you’re happy. Similarly, when one person leaves work and colleagues follow.

It does sound like he’s gone overboard with interviews and you are probably more specific about what you want, which is why it will take longer.

Personally, I don’t have a problem with champagne for his news, he can get another bottle for yours, or take you for a meal etc.

I don’t find him really unreasonable but I would keep an eye on things to see if he is right for you, it’s early days!

DaveyJonesLocker · 17/02/2023 05:04

Get rid. Honestly. My husband was like this. I couldn't have anything. He's commandeered my autism , anxiety, my bloody c section pain. It was part of wider abuse.

Have you been ill while you've been together? How was he?

Ragwort · 17/02/2023 05:08

It all sounds weirdly intense for a three month relationship... and why can him your 'partner' if you've only been dating three months?

DaveyJonesLocker · 17/02/2023 05:08

ellie09 · 17/02/2023 00:41

Come to think of it, I have hypothyroidism, on medication etc for it. I lost 3 stone once medicated through gym etc.

He's put on a bit of weight (he just eats crap to be honest). All of a sudden he has made an appointment with his doctor to get bloods done as he thinks it "might be his thyroid" as he has some symptoms that were like mine.

Show quote history

Ha! I didn't read this post before I commented. Yep. Get rid. This will never end.

MiddleParking · 17/02/2023 05:26

TiaI · 17/02/2023 03:21

what happens if you talk to him about this behaviour? Interested if he takes on board your feelings and changes or carries on ..

this type behaviour can be an autistic trait.

Can it? Confused

MagnoliaMix · 17/02/2023 05:29

At the very least, it's insensitive and self-centred to ask you to celebrate his new job while you're waiting to find out if you got yours. Not a good omen.

JocelynBurnell · 17/02/2023 05:57

The great part here is that he is just a boyfriend of three months. Just end it.

donttellmehesalive · 17/02/2023 06:00

I don't think it's odd that he's applied for jobs, or that he's getting his thyroid checked.

That's what happens when you meet new people - you've inspired and motivated him.

I also don't think there's anything weird about discussing and comparing your jobs as you're going through the same process.

On the face of it, what he's doing wrong is failing to realise that his enthusiasm and success is making you feel rubbish. Only you know whether he's being insensitive or unsupportive, or whether you are just jealous of his success and really anything he said about it would rub you up the wrong way. If the former, move on.

Fairyliz · 17/02/2023 06:02

It’s been three months; your relationship should be all sunshine and flowers at the moment, not posting on MN how he makes you feel bad.
Just dump him, he’s clearly not worth the hassle if he is making you feel down already.

PriOn1 · 17/02/2023 06:04

Three months and you’re on Mumsnet asking if it’s okay, rather than bathing in the joy of new found love?

I think you know the answer, OP. Do you normally have difficulties ending relationships? I did and married an asshole. Maybe time to re-evaluate your own reactions before trying to find a partner?

NCSQ · 17/02/2023 06:19

Regardless of the actual issue (the jobs) he sounds like quite an extreme character to be in a relationship with and this is showing up at only three months in. I'd be setting him free at this point OP.

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 17/02/2023 06:31

He’s going to be one of these men that if you take up running, he will take it up but have to beat your times. You get a new car, he’ll get one but it will be better.

i don’t see a future tbh.