to attend an antenatal breastfeeding session with DH

[WindUpPenguin]

As above really. It's run by the hospital. The text of the event says "Your partner can attend. Make sure to book 2 tickets if your partner is attending."

Without thinking much about it, I booked two tickets. I figured we can ask questions about pumping and bottle feeding and it's best if there are two of us to listen and take notes. Plus DH can obviously support me. He is very happy to attend.

I was talking to my friend about it and she pulled a face when I mentioned DH attending. She said it might make other women uncomfortable and he will be the only man there. I don't think this is true, because it clearly says partners can attend, but I'm worrying that it's not the 'done thing'. What do people think? I think if it was postnatal, people might want to actually be physically supported with their feeding, so I understand why it could be uncomfortable for some women, but I am assuming no-one will be getting their boobs out at an antenatal session.

It's also a pain now, as the booking system means I can't cancel just one ticket, so I would have to cancel both and re-book if he is not coming.

It's an antenatal class, it's fine imo.

If the text says partners can attend, I dont think your are unreasonable in him coming and i dont think he will be the only partner there

I don't see any problem with your DH attending. We had a breastfeeding session as part of NCT classes and all the dads-to-be were there. Nobody will be getting their boobs out in an antenatal session.
It's the postnatal breastfeeding support groups for new mums to get latch support etc for their newborns that women often don't want men attending.

i wouldn't go to that session and i hope there are man-free sessions for women who don't want men around when they get advice about breastfeeding

I think you should both go and play it by ear as to whether or not he stays. If for instance you are shielded by a curtain then I don’t think it would be a problem for him to stay at all. If however everyone is sat round in a circle and women are trying to breastfeed I think it would be fairer for him to leave as I know that would make me feel uncomfortable if I was having to get my boobs out in front of a man I didn’t know.

Once you’ve got the hang of breastfeeding it’s easily to do it quite discreetly even if men are around but as women tend to be struggling a bit with breastfeeding in those groups it’s more likely that boobs will need to be properly on show. So I’d both go and see what the situation is.

Partners SHOULD attend BFing classes. They need to understand how they can support you when breastfeeding. BFing isn’t an easy undertaking and you’re best off both being at the session. Ignore your friend.

they are inviting partners to attend so nobody will be unaware of the fact that men may be there

If you want him there and he wants to come then bring him. In my experience though it was just women - one bloke came with his partner but he ended up leaving when he realised he was the only one (wouldn't have been a problem if he stayed though).

ah missed the antenatal bit - yeah, the more men there the better.

Oh sorry I see it’s antenatal- in that case no problem. Maybe your friend thought you meant postnatal!

We did breastfeeding as part of NCT and all the dads attended. Mine had no clue but really enjoyed the session and was completely committed to helping me with whatever I needed to feed successfully as a result, so that’s got to be a good thing right?

He also sat through a private lactation consultant manhandling my boobs with a newborn and faithfully made notes!

I think it’s OK but please, please don’t let him near postnatal ones.

I was so uncomfortable in the early days with DD when a partner rocked up at a class when I was bleeding from both nipples and trying to learn what to do. Totally inappropriate that he was there.

I expect there will be useful advice about how he can support you. There certainly was at my antenatal class that covered feeding.
Everyone can see the info when they book, if someone is worried about a man being there I expect they'll look for one that's women only to book.

I think I read once that statistically women are more likely to be able to successfully establish breastfeeding if their partner is informed and involved. Was certainly encouraged when I did antenatal breastfeeding classes. I really benefitted from DH being informed when I was struggling. He remembered things we'd heard when I was exhausted and stressed.

Antenatal is fine. Post natal not fine. One woman bought her partner to a postnatal session, the dynamic changed completely, the leader asked if we were all OK with a man being there but it was too akward for anyone to say no.

I agree with all the other pps. Antenatal is fine, but not postnatal.

Antenatal, no problem.

Different if it was a mums and babies feeding group. I went to a breastfeeding support group when DD was a newborn and a woman brought her husband and everyone stopped feeding and looked super uncomfortable.

He should be there.. he should hear all about how milk producing tissues are formed, about the interaction of hormones, about what happens in the first moments, hours and days after birth, about perinatal reflexes and how not to interfer with them, about biological nurturing, about what to do in the first 24 and 48 hours if a baby doesn't latch, how to support breastfeeding and bond with your baby without needing to express and feed with a bottle.

I very much doubt he'll be the only man there.

An antenatal class is fine I think.

Ante natal totally fine. Postnatal bf group where they are physically helping bf mums would be a big no for me

Antenatal bf class it's helpful for men to be there to understand how they can help and what they can do to support the mother.

Ours also had a section about how dad's can bond with baby if mum is bf as well (given that's often touted as dad can't bond which is bollocks btw).

Ignore your friend!

Cant see any problem with him attending at all - it’s antenatal, the way the invite is worded is that partners are welcome to the session and tickets made available. The midwives or support workers facilitating the group will gear it to the attendees booked so, if it’s all women at a session they will focus on her and the baby, if partners attend then there will be more discussion around how they can support their breastfeeding partner.

Agree that, postnatal breastfeeding support groups are a different kettle of fish and should be women only spaces as it’s far more likely that women will actually be breastfeeding.

We had our last in covid and support like this stopped. I think my husband would have found it really beneficial and useful session. You work together as a team, so why should you both not have access to this session.

It wouldn’t have been appropriate at the antenatal breastfeeding sessions my hospital used to run. We got a volunteer mum from the postnatal ward to come along and do a feed while the pregnant mums watched, closely enough to observe latching etc. I doubt we’d have got any volunteers with a load of men there!