to attend an antenatal breastfeeding session with DH

[WindUpPenguin]

As above really. It's run by the hospital. The text of the event says "Your partner can attend. Make sure to book 2 tickets if your partner is attending."

Without thinking much about it, I booked two tickets. I figured we can ask questions about pumping and bottle feeding and it's best if there are two of us to listen and take notes. Plus DH can obviously support me. He is very happy to attend.

I was talking to my friend about it and she pulled a face when I mentioned DH attending. She said it might make other women uncomfortable and he will be the only man there. I don't think this is true, because it clearly says partners can attend, but I'm worrying that it's not the 'done thing'. What do people think? I think if it was postnatal, people might want to actually be physically supported with their feeding, so I understand why it could be uncomfortable for some women, but I am assuming no-one will be getting their boobs out at an antenatal session.

It's also a pain now, as the booking system means I can't cancel just one ticket, so I would have to cancel both and re-book if he is not coming.

No problem if it says partners can attend. There was a breastfeeding session in my NCT course and I was the only one who didn't bring a partner (he was away with work). From what I remember there was some stuff on positioning with a doll but everyone did it without whipping their boobs out.

Antenatal breastfeeding education class, explaining benefits, positioning etc = absolutely fine to bring a man.

Postnatal breastfeeding group with mothers struggling to latch and position their babies = completely inappropriate to bring a man.

Antenatal, a-ok; postnatal p-not ok. But also the wording is very clear that partners can attend, so anyone who books should be aware that they’re attending a class where men will be present, so it’s fine.

Surely you don’t need your husband to attend with you. Just go on your own. It would take two seconds for you to cancel two tickets and rebook one. Your husband’s presence will make at least some women uncomfortable. His attendance is not essential, there’s is.

I'm surprised you'd get volunteers at all! Some poor woman within hours of giving birth and trying to establish breastfeeding herself being used as a learning experience
Even with my 3rd baby I wouldn't have fancied schlepping off to a breastfeeding class in my dressing gown, bleeding and with afterpains.

Tell your friend she's getting on your tits; DH was invited to attend and it's none of her business.

I had my children years ago and the husbands came to the ante-natal breastfeeding classes.

I think it fine given they mentioned partners attending, and it’s antenatal. Good for partners to have the knowledge themselves, I’m sure it will help them give the best support

We had an antenatal session on breastfeeding as part of NCT and the dads/partners all said it was v helpful. My DH reminded me of some stuff I'd forgotten and was great at helping in the early days, including helping me hand express 😆
I think that session taught him a lot about his role in supporting breastfeeding.

If it was a postnatal practical group for women getting practical support, I'd feel differently

Not an issue at all, my DH came with me to the antenatal classes. My trust only ran couple classes so there were plenty partners there.

It's fine. No different to there being men present at any other antenatal classes. If women don't mind men being there when labour and birth are being discussed why would they object to their presence whilst breastfeeding is the topic?
I agree that it's different at a group where new mums are potentially being helped with feeding problems, as the early days are often a very sensitive time even for those who are generally confident about feeding around others, but learning about breastfeeding should not be restricted to mothers. Often partners and other family members inadvertently undermine breastfeeding mothers simply because they don't know what's to be expected. I might well have given up with my first, were it not for my sister who reassured me that the frequent feeding was normal because my husband, Mum and MIL were all telling me that it seemed wrong and making me doubt myself. Having supportive and knowledgeable people around you, particularly at the beginning, makes a big difference so the more people who know what to expect, the better.

Pre baby then yes bring him definitely. Post baby with hormones and boobs all over the place then definitely not if it's a group session.

@WindUpPenguin your friend is an idiot - it’s not the 18th century. I went to one with my husband and I would say 90%+ of the women attending had their partners.

I went to one of these a few years ago and most of the women had a male partner with them.

Antenatal is fine. Postnatal, absolutely not. No men. Women would be attending a breastfeeding group for support with actual feeding, not the theory of feeding, and I doubt anyone would want to talk freely, let alone feed freely with unknown men in the room.

I would go and take dp. I think men (and women ftm) should be more aware of the challenges of breastfeeding - they have specified partners welcome for a reason. Worst-case scenario - he suddenly remembers a phone call he has to make and leaves.

TBH. The fact partners are invited and that is quite clearly stated ahead of time means YANBU.

Even if this was postnatal, if it is clear that male partners are welcome and may be present before you book, I don't see an issue. People can choose to book/ book an alternative just for mums.

This.

If the organisers say partners can attend then if you want your partner to attend fine. Personally I don't think its appropriate for partners to attend so I wouldnt go. And I would raise the issue with the organisers. Men don't breastfeed. They shouldnt be there. End of.

I went to an infant feeding session a few weeks ago run by my local hospital (DBTH). My husband attended with me. There were probably 10 pregnant women there. 8 of which had husbands/partners with them, 1 had her mum with her and 1 was alone but she asked at the end of the session if she could attend another session with her husband (he hadn’t been able to get the time off of work for this particular session but she thought he would benefit from attending one).

I never even considered not bringing my husband and he really wanted to come and learn too.

I think you’re okay. I’ll admit I did feel uncomfortable when men would rock up at breastfeeding drop in sessions post birth. Mainly because I was really struggling to be discreet so everything was hanging out as baby would bob off the boob. Pre birth though I wouldn’t have cared.

I think it's a bit pointless to take your husband but not really an issue.

Postnatal absolutely 100% do not take him.

The more partners there the better. It’s ANTENATAL so nobody is going to have their boobs out and be breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding is so much more likely to be successful with a supportive and fully engaged partner. It’s HARD.

As an aside, I’ve attended POSTNATAL breastfeeding sessions with partners present, and it wasn’t uncomfortable at all. You’re all in the same boat

DH would literally melt with embarrassment and head straight for the door.

I think there should be separate classes for men to attend.

I think an ante-natal session is fine and very useful for partners to be there.

Actual breastfeeding support sessions, then I think no partners if it's a group setting as it will make people uncomfortable.