Page 5 | to attend an antenatal breastfeeding session with DH

WindUpPenguin · 2023-02-16T12:46:42+00:00

As above really. It's run by the hospital. The text of the event says "Your partner can attend. Make sure to book 2 tickets if your partner is attending." Without thinking much about it, I booked two tickets. I figured we can ask questions about pumping and bottle feeding and it's best if there are two of us to listen and take notes. Plus DH can obviously support me. He is very happy to attend. I was talking to my friend about it and she pulled a face when I mentioned DH attending. She said it might make other women uncomfortable and he will be the only man there. I don't think this is true, because it clearly says partners can attend, but I'm worrying that it's not the 'done thing'. What do people think? I think if it was postnatal, people might want to actually be physically supported with their feeding, so I understand why it could be uncomfortable for some women, but I am assuming no-one will be getting their boobs out at an antenatal session. It's also a pain now, as the booking system means I can't cancel just one ticket, so I would have to cancel both and re-book if he is not coming.

Monstermoomoo · 16/02/2023 18:26

My OH joined me for antenatal breastfeeding class. He was by no means the only man there. It was genuinely extremely useful to have him there! As a result he knew what to expect and knew it was perfectly normal for our baby to feed 24/7. He became my biggest champion, telling people to stop commenting along the lines of "are you feeding AGAIN?!". He also helped me get a good latch the first few days when we were still working things out. Definitely bring your partner :)

Mumberblock · 16/02/2023 18:46

Mommawasafarmgirl · 16/02/2023 17:14

Sounds good when you put it like that😊
Were you worried at all that some women might turn and run when they saw the mixed crowd (as a pp said she would) or that they'd stop attending the sessions as they felt a bit exposed and uncomfortable? Or was it not an issue in your experience?
It just seems like many on here today - including me - are saying they wouldn't like to see men at a postnatal breastfeeding group.

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I found that women who felt uncomfortable felt uncomfortable in front of anyone and we would go to a quiet corner or other room if someone didn’t want to be around the group. It was a drop in group so sometimes people would pop in with a specific question and leave, sometimes they’d just hang around a chat for 2 hours, make friends etc, some times bring people to support them. I certainly was never aware of anyone immediately leaving on seeing a man, or leaving when one arrived. The men that were there were very much focussed on their baby and partner, not looking at the other people, it really didn’t feel like that kind of space at all. Turning up to baby groups is often an awkward thing for a new parent and I found that Dad’s brave enough to do so were usually really engaged in their role and relationship. As I say there were options for anyone that felt uncomfortable feeding in front of others, or wanted a private chat. Sometimes we would see people who wanted privacy for other kinds of reason, perhaps discuss a problem they didn’t want to share with lots of others, and we would do our best to accommodate that.

HoboHotel · 16/02/2023 18:49

Lights22 · 16/02/2023 18:16

BFCs usually see you 1:1. We never went to postnatal BF groups. It was all 1:1 and he was actively encouraged to take photos

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OK, a 1-2-1 is obviously completely different to a group though.

I have read these threads many times and I am always very saddened by the number of women who don't care if their partner means that other women have to leave the group, or feel exposed and uncomfortable, as long as they have him there. I am not saying this applies to your situation as it was just the two of you

Judgyjudgy · 16/02/2023 19:05

I went to one (it was fantastic), took DH as did many others. No issue. It's not like you're all getting your boobs out. Your friend is immature!

Judgyjudgy · 16/02/2023 19:06

NonJeNeRegretteRien · 16/02/2023 12:51

Partners SHOULD attend BFing classes. They need to understand how they can support you when breastfeeding. BFing isn’t an easy undertaking and you’re best off both being at the session. Ignore your friend.

This too. I remember having some difficulty and DH bring able to help re latching as he had also come to thr classes

philautia · 16/02/2023 19:09

Definitely you are fine to take him with you to an antenatal class for breastfeeding.

For breastfeeding support postpartum, absolutely not.

rexythedinosaur · 16/02/2023 19:11

If it says that partners are welcome then I would take that at face value - partners are welcome and your DH is welcome.

It's not a women-only session and you shouldn't be expected to read a subtext into the leaflet. Partners are welcome so it's fine.

He can always come along and leave if it does feel inappropriate, but I think you will be fine.

Lavender14 · 16/02/2023 19:20

My dh attended the bf workshop our trust provided and we saw it as part of antenatal classes. It was really helpful because it helped him prepare for what to expect and how to support me, and when I was emotional and hormonal and struggling pp he was able to reassure me using what he'd learnt in the workshops. I was really disappointed by how few male partners attended the antenatal classes in general so I think we should be encouraging them to go so they can be more confident when baby arrives. Can't complain about men doing nothing and then block them from opportunities to learn.

Also i would say bf is difficult on the dad (or non bf partners) my dh is really hands on and does a lot without being asked and he found it difficult in the beginning because I was feeding SO much he really worried he wasn't doing enough. (He took over all cooking cleaning nappies winding etc ) so it was beneficial for him to understand why I wanted to bf, why it would be good for baby and be aware of the things he could do to be involved and support us both. I think had he not attended those workshops he'd have felt really left out and disheartened to be honest.

Mommawasafarmgirl · 16/02/2023 19:20

Mumberblock · 16/02/2023 18:46

I found that women who felt uncomfortable felt uncomfortable in front of anyone and we would go to a quiet corner or other room if someone didn’t want to be around the group. It was a drop in group so sometimes people would pop in with a specific question and leave, sometimes they’d just hang around a chat for 2 hours, make friends etc, some times bring people to support them. I certainly was never aware of anyone immediately leaving on seeing a man, or leaving when one arrived. The men that were there were very much focussed on their baby and partner, not looking at the other people, it really didn’t feel like that kind of space at all. Turning up to baby groups is often an awkward thing for a new parent and I found that Dad’s brave enough to do so were usually really engaged in their role and relationship. As I say there were options for anyone that felt uncomfortable feeding in front of others, or wanted a private chat. Sometimes we would see people who wanted privacy for other kinds of reason, perhaps discuss a problem they didn’t want to share with lots of others, and we would do our best to accommodate that.

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Thanks for your reply. The (postnatal) breastfeeding support group I attended was a bit different - it was an hour long session rather than a drop-in group. The room was fairly small and there was no other room to retreat to.
I most likely wouldn't have left immediately if a man joined the group, but I think I might have been less likely to return the next day. I'm not sure though, as it never happened while I was attending. I guess it depends on the circumstances.

Mumberblock · 16/02/2023 19:28

Mommawasafarmgirl · 16/02/2023 19:20

Thanks for your reply. The (postnatal) breastfeeding support group I attended was a bit different - it was an hour long session rather than a drop-in group. The room was fairly small and there was no other room to retreat to.
I most likely wouldn't have left immediately if a man joined the group, but I think I might have been less likely to return the next day. I'm not sure though, as it never happened while I was attending. I guess it depends on the circumstances.

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I can absolutely see how different spaces, groups and circumstances would work differently. I guess the key thing is that breastfeeding support shouldn’t be one size fits all, people need to be able to access support with a partner, one on one, often at different times of the day and so on, the more ways we can give people to access it the better, including Dads, partners and indeed others supporting like grandparents. I always thought it was lovely when a new mum bought her own mum with her to a group for example!

Mommawasafarmgirl · 16/02/2023 20:10

I always thought it was lovely when a new mum bought her own mum with her to a group for example!
That does sound nice. Also helpful as the grannies can sometimes be a bit critical in my experience and query the benefits of breastfeeding, especially of extended breastfeeding. I think that sometimes they may see a rejection of bottle-feeding by their daughters as a criticism of how they fed their own child. So it can be emotional for that reason alone...

Namechangethisonetime · 16/02/2023 20:12

It’s fine. If you want to breastfeed successfully, his support will be vital (in my experience)

IndiaDreamer · 16/02/2023 20:21

NonJeNeRegretteRien · 16/02/2023 12:51

Partners SHOULD attend BFing classes. They need to understand how they can support you when breastfeeding. BFing isn’t an easy undertaking and you’re best off both being at the session. Ignore your friend.

This. It's not as easy as some might think and both knowing that is a great support.

mybunniesandme · 16/02/2023 20:22

It's breastfeeding what support do you need off him exactly?

HoboHotel · 16/02/2023 20:24

mybunniesandme · 16/02/2023 20:22

It's breastfeeding what support do you need off him exactly?

On a previous thread like this, a poster said her husband was taught to 'massage her breasts' (puke)

sanityisamyth · 16/02/2023 20:49

mybunniesandme · 16/02/2023 20:22

It's breastfeeding what support do you need off him exactly?

Understanding the process helps. My now EH didn't seem to understand that when I was feeding DS I was pretty much stuck, so putting drinks etc within reach (and not leaving them in another room), offering to wind him afterwards, offering to get the lanisoh cream etc. There's a lot that the male of the species can do to help and being aware of these things would make things a lot easier!

MelaniesFlowers · 16/02/2023 21:57

mybunniesandme · 16/02/2023 20:22

It's breastfeeding what support do you need off him exactly?

My husband was a fantastic support to help get the latch right and how to hold baby/my breast.

Hesma · 16/02/2023 22:02

There were a few dads at the one I went to… everyone focussed on their partner and nothing weird or pervy in it

gemloving · 16/02/2023 22:04

I actually think this is really important for them to be able to help you. They're the ones being with you all the time when you're going through the worst phase of breastfeeding: the start!!

Original poster

WindUpPenguin · 17/02/2023 09:36

mybunniesandme · 16/02/2023 20:22

It's breastfeeding what support do you need off him exactly?

I have no idea. I’ve never done it before. That’s why I’m going to the session. 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:

Original poster

WindUpPenguin · 17/02/2023 09:37

Thanks everyone for all the advice. I would definitely understand if it was a postnatal workshop session, but it seems like most people agree my friend is incorrect and it is not weird for my husband to be there for an antenatal information session.

OP posts:

humpty74 · 17/02/2023 10:35

mybunniesandme · 16/02/2023 20:22

It's breastfeeding what support do you need off him exactly?

At the one I went to there was a lot of useful discussion about that actually and some good suggestions.

Having two people listening in the class gives you twice the chance of remembering useful info. Practical life stuff came up as well - Eg, one of the dads at ours suggested when he makes his packed lunch to take to work he make up ready made boxes of meals or snacks for his partner to grab during the day, and as part of the morning routine before he leaves for work making sure there's a bottle of water and something to eat by the feeding chair. Seems pretty obvious but I wasn't very good at thinking about much for quite a while after giving birth...