to attend an antenatal breastfeeding session with DH

[WindUpPenguin]

As above really. It's run by the hospital. The text of the event says "Your partner can attend. Make sure to book 2 tickets if your partner is attending."

Without thinking much about it, I booked two tickets. I figured we can ask questions about pumping and bottle feeding and it's best if there are two of us to listen and take notes. Plus DH can obviously support me. He is very happy to attend.

I was talking to my friend about it and she pulled a face when I mentioned DH attending. She said it might make other women uncomfortable and he will be the only man there. I don't think this is true, because it clearly says partners can attend, but I'm worrying that it's not the 'done thing'. What do people think? I think if it was postnatal, people might want to actually be physically supported with their feeding, so I understand why it could be uncomfortable for some women, but I am assuming no-one will be getting their boobs out at an antenatal session.

It's also a pain now, as the booking system means I can't cancel just one ticket, so I would have to cancel both and re-book if he is not coming.

YANBU. It’s key for partners to understand just how important breastfeeding is and how they can support you.

Yes, antenatal absolutely fine and a good idea that partners are there to learn about the process. This will help them be supportive later on and is presumably why they are specifically invited.
It would be better for him not to attend postnatal breastfeeding groups.

Good for you. The vast majority of women, as shown on this thread, do not want strange men there when they are postnatal and learning to breastfeed.

I don't understand your objection. Do you think men shouldn't learn how to support their partners in breastfeeding?
This is an antenatal class, so just theory. Nobody will be feeding their babies.

I agree that it's better men don't attend postnatal group classes as this may make women uncomfortable.

I took my partner. He was the only man there and asked lots of questions that I hadn't thought of. He really supported me with the breastfeeding journey, I'm definitely glad he came because we both learned a lot.
He said he didn't feel uncomfortable being the only man there and he was made to feel very welcome by all.

Antenatal totally fine, postnatal then definitely not. Couldn't give a shiny shite if some women are OK with men attending a postnatal session, I'm not and if there were any men there I'd get up and leave, never to return

It's not about the man feeling uncomfortable.

It's about the women being made to feel uncomfortable by his presence.

There were men, including my husband, at our breastfeeding classes. It didn't occur to me that the sleep deprived men in the class would be more interested in my own leaky tits than their own partners and babies (and they weren't of course). But my BF counsellor was wonderful and I know that if anyone had felt uncomfortable she would have had them at the beginning or end of the session.

We welcome men coming to these in our trust. Just be aware they are unlikely to cover anything on bottle feeding, unicef guidelines mean we are not allowed to teach this at the moment, even though we would like to, we can answer questions on it though 😉

I think it's vital men attend these things. The more men become involved with childcare and the more normalised it's made, the better.

I can imagine some women might feel uncomfortable post-natally, though of course there will be males about if they breastfeed in public.

Well that's tough. It's an antenatal class and men are allowed to go. I get the worry over postnatal classes but that's clearly different.

That’s irrelevant really. It’s important partners know how to support the breastfeeding mother.

Women feeling uncomfortable is not irrelevant!

It's unclear whether the pps were talking about ante or postnatal classes though. For me, having men at the former is a good idea, but not so at the latter.

My NCT class had a breastfeeding session with similar 'partners can attend' note.

I thought it would be ladies only so my husband didn't come...I was the only woman who attended without her partner.
Much of the class was showing men how they can help/support the journey.

This.

It's before they've had the baby!!!

And how painful it can be. And how you might not feel like having sex...

Your husband is grown up enough that he managed to have sex and make a baby but would melt with embarassment like a 12 year old at the mention of boobies?
Actually even my 12 year old could manage to behave sensibly and learn something in a breastfeeding class.

I went to breastfeeding clinics in the weeks after my baby was born and DH sometimes came with me and there were plenty of other parents there too, especially in the first two weeks of paternity leave. We had latching issues so it was really helpful that he got to see how to help me latch her on and then could help me when we were back at home.

Men don't get pregnant or give birth either so do you think male partners should be excluded from all antenatal classes and care too? Or is there something that sets breastfeeding apart from all other aspects of pregnancy, birth and baby care?

What is a trans man was to attend hahahah

It’s absolutely great for partners to attend. I ran peer support breastfeeding groups pre pandemic and it was always good for partners to come to those too. We would try and be sensitive if someone wanted privacy or to maybe head to a quiet corner, but men, partners, grandmothers, best friends etc coming and not only able to ask questions but see other people having similar questions, getting help, normalising breastfeeding, the fact it’s something that has challenges but that can often be overcome is so helpful. Those that did come with partners would often go on to have really successful journeys, I’m sure it helped that their partners could say “remember what that other mum said in the group, they tried x,y,z” or just for them to know that just because breastfeeding wasn’t starting smoothly didn’t mean there was a big problem, or that it couldn’t be fixed. So often it wasn’t just peer supporters that provided the value to those sessions but other parents who were a bit further along, or who had other children who could share their experiences and support. Quite frankly need as many people on board as possible!

Interesting so many say men shouldn’t attend! In my experience many women really needed their partner there, for all kinds of reasons, moral support. It was a just group, so I hope there were not too many women who didn’t come back because some bought people with them. I hope those that did were able to find more one on one support. And women did of course feed their babies while there, but it wasn’t like everyone sat around in a circle with a boob out, a great deal of the time the babies were just all asleep in car seats or having cuddles, or usually refusing to feed when an actual observation was required! It’s an awful lot of talking, empathy, signposting to further help and reassurance most of the time.

I think attitudes like this contribute to the UK’s low bf rate. What on earth is wrong with partners attending an antenatal bf class? The more people you’re surrounded by who can help you once the baby is born and your head is a mess and you can’t remember what you should be doing - the better! My partner was great, helped check the latch reminded me about different positions I had forgotten about in my sleep deprived state.

In our class we watched videos, had a practice with a face baby and boob. Nobody got their breasts out, everyone was interested, we even had a bit of a laugh. I’d highly recommend your partner going or whoever is going to be with you when your newborn arrives.

What country are you in? That’s shocking, our NCT class one was a ‘feeding’ session covering everything. They talked us through breastfeeding, expressing, sterilising bottles, paced feeding. In the other session they talked about vaginal birth, pain relief, c section, assisted delivery, etc. I’m really saddened that women aren’t able to get all the information available where you are.