To feel hopeless about our housing situation

[Willyswaggingfinger]

I'll start by saying we didn't move before I got pregnant with DD because DH is infertile and we were told we would need ivf so we were saving for it. Turns out he's not as infertile as they thought.

So there's 4 of us in a 2 bed house. Me, DH, DS18 DD (4 months) and the dog. We rent and are paying well below market value (£560 per month). I moved here with DS 7 years ago, then I met DH and he moved in 3 years ago.
We need 3 bedrooms and our plan was to move this year. Because we were saving for ivf, we have enough for a 5% deposit on a new build, we have a mortgage in principle and an agreement for a 5% deposit contribution from the house builder.
Except it's all gone tits up.

DH's boss agreed verbally when I was pregnant that he could do 8.30-5pm when I go back to work so that DH can do the nursery run. DH put his request in writing and it's been refused. He starts at 6am on early's so before nursery opens.
I'm a nurse and work 7.30am-8.30pm on days and 8pm-8am on nights.
I've asked to do just day shifts so I can drop DD off at 7am and DH collect her at 3pm but work said no. They also won't allow set days.
DH is unskilled and it's proving really difficult to find a job with hours that work with nursery so it looks like he will have to give up working to look after DD. I earn 2x DH wage so it makes sense for me to stay at work. I'm looking for a more flexible ward now.
We have no family support.

So back to the house.
We can't afford a £960 a month mortgage on just my wage. I'm feeling really hopeless about it all. The only option we have now, that I can see, is to move into a bigger rental which will be around £800 but I'll be -£100 each month so it's not truly an option. I've cut back our spending as much as I can.
The whole situation is making me depressed. I earn 33k per year plus extra for nights/weekends and we can't afford a house. My take home is around £2k per month.

Does anybody have any ideas?

The ehcp itself is actually quite good because school and I pretty much wrote it ourselves. School have kept updating it and all of his needs are met fully at school. It's just that the council don't attend the reviews. School and I go through the ehcp at each review, we submit changes to the council and they amend it. They probably don't care because it doesn't alter the cost.
I did the ipsea sen law course years ago so I'm on the ball with what's in the ehcp.

In the short term I would stay where you are and try to make it work, it’s fine to share with your youngest for a few years, or if you really can’t cope with that keep all your stuff in the bedroom but have a good sofa bed in the lounge for you and DP. You should carry on working and he should find a job which fits in with yours but still allows him to do childcare, like supermarket shifts etc or KFC. There are loads of casual jobs around me at the moment. You should also save as much as you can. Could your DP also do casual language tuition? In the longer term I’d be looking to 2024 and making sure that as soon as your DP can do so he can go into a decently paid job (so training now if he can), or looking to relocate to a cheaper area once your eldest has finished his school and before your youngest starts. It may seem drastic but unless your DH can bring in a decent amount I would definitely do it as it’s going to be a huge struggle with the kids for quite a while. Hopefully interest rates will be lower and/ or you’ll have had a pay rise/ promotion/ found a more flexible job.

If it doesn’t include PfA provision it isn’t brilliant. It should be looking to the future and preparing.

Ah, that makes a bit more sense he has an extra year at school so this is not his transitions year. Good to hear you are happy with the EHCP! I would still flag to them your concerns about next year, if you are in a rural area, limited options etc it will help them to know so they can try get things in place. Maybe call them in after March, they are busy this time of year, and usually not alot of staff!

Transitions assessment though, that needs to be done ASAP. Does he have a direct payment, PA or support funded by Childrens or Health (respite)

Paeds hospital or DGH role?

If former ask around and see if any other wards have vacancies. I work in a children's hospital and nursing staffing is terrible. We have loads of staff on bespoke contracts to keep them in the workforce.

Also our out-patient, day surgery and day case unit nurses don't work overnight (but do do extended hours and most of these areas work at least six days a week).

There are also lots of clinical nurse specialist roles which involve "office hours". Most are band 6 and you don't need specialist experience before getting one but enthusiasm for the specialty area and get trained on the job.

@ThomasinVye no he doesn't have any respite, he doesn't want it. We had it when he was little.

@AdelaideRo dgh. But there's a children's hospital in the next city so I'm going to start looking there.

@JustKeepBuilding preparing for adulthood is in there. It includes budgeting, travel training, cooking and work experience which school do. School also provide weekly careers sessions and they take him to taster sessions every few weeks at a further education college close to school.
A lot of adulthood stuff gets taught at home as well.

If everyone on your ward is eager to do night shift, could you swap your run of nights for their days?
Also, could your partner sign up with an agency for warehouse work, so he can work shifts around yours?
That seemed to work for a few people who I've worked with who have been in your situation.
A lot of them sign up for more than one agency, so they're always guaranteed shifts.

Apply for community roles , you won't get enhancements anymore or you could join agency for flexible hours. You could also look for a job that's willing to do a fixed rota it might be more in private healthcare though You will need to have been working for a while to show consistent income for agency but many mortgage providers accept agency/bank as employment for mortgages as it's still steady work.

Your DH could register as a childminder. He could take 2children under 5, plus a couple more after school, making a decent income. It used to be just a 6 week course, and paperwork is much easier than it used to be.

OP rents, so unfortunately it is unlikely that their home could be used in this way, not to mention the modifications you have to make to a home to satisfy Ofsted that it’s baby-proofed.

Look for a different nursing job?

I'm based in a health setting and they'd bite your hand off and bend to your hours as they're desperate for nurses. This is district nurses etc.

What reason did your husband's work give to refuse he's request? There are only few legal reasons to refuse.
Try calling Acas for advice. Your husband should try and challenge them if he hasn't already.

Def don't buy at the moment or move

Not the end of the world having your dd in with you for a year or two

Get dh to apply for macdomalds - people always seem take the piss out of people who work there 🙄

But actually they are very family friendly. My friend now works there as couldn't find a job that would fit in with her dh hours

She gets above nmw and various perks

Freelance translator pays very well. Good luck to you, OP.

Care at the lady's home means she is a cm

Not a nanny

Cm can usually only have 1 under 1 and 3 under 5

And tbh most cm aren't open at 6am but worth asking if can do early drop off for higher hourly rate

You say dd will go to nursery - can you chat to any of the staff who work there to see if they want to earn some extra money and come to yours at 6am /time needed for dh work and then they take to nursery

Business reasons. Even though they've allowed it to others before. They treat him like shit to be honest, he doesn't even get paid for all of his hours. He's better off leaving and finding something else.

If he doesn't want to stay then it makes sense. Sounds like an awful employer, sorry you're both dealing with that.

I would stay where you are for now, short term, next two-three years. Baby shares with you two. He quit his current job and become SAHD.

Maybe he can join agency warehouse work, part time, around your days off, if feasible.

But have a long term game plan. Plan to buy, even if it's a run down ex council flat, in a new cheaper area. Relocate. Ideally closer to family, if you have any in a cheaper to buy area. But buy a place of your own. You are a nurse, you have the luxury that you're not tied down to a London/South East location based job. Use it to your advantage. Also, you're not in your current area for family support either. So even more reason to relocate somewhere cheaper, ideally with more support. Plan on living on mainly one income. With any income from him as a SAHP a bonus.

Also, your DH having a job is based on the assumption that your DD doesn't have additional needs, what if she needs care that can't be provided by normal childcare?

It's sad that work places are so inflexible, that childcare and housing are so ridiculously expensive. It's awful for our generation. That's why I'm never having any more children.

@Blondeshavemorefun this is very true and could probably do 10.30 to3.30 shits as well 5 days a week - which would fit with the OP. Plus opportunity at short notice for weekend xtra once OP knows her days/times off -