To feel hopeless about our housing situation

[Willyswaggingfinger]

I'll start by saying we didn't move before I got pregnant with DD because DH is infertile and we were told we would need ivf so we were saving for it. Turns out he's not as infertile as they thought.

So there's 4 of us in a 2 bed house. Me, DH, DS18 DD (4 months) and the dog. We rent and are paying well below market value (£560 per month). I moved here with DS 7 years ago, then I met DH and he moved in 3 years ago.
We need 3 bedrooms and our plan was to move this year. Because we were saving for ivf, we have enough for a 5% deposit on a new build, we have a mortgage in principle and an agreement for a 5% deposit contribution from the house builder.
Except it's all gone tits up.

DH's boss agreed verbally when I was pregnant that he could do 8.30-5pm when I go back to work so that DH can do the nursery run. DH put his request in writing and it's been refused. He starts at 6am on early's so before nursery opens.
I'm a nurse and work 7.30am-8.30pm on days and 8pm-8am on nights.
I've asked to do just day shifts so I can drop DD off at 7am and DH collect her at 3pm but work said no. They also won't allow set days.
DH is unskilled and it's proving really difficult to find a job with hours that work with nursery so it looks like he will have to give up working to look after DD. I earn 2x DH wage so it makes sense for me to stay at work. I'm looking for a more flexible ward now.
We have no family support.

So back to the house.
We can't afford a £960 a month mortgage on just my wage. I'm feeling really hopeless about it all. The only option we have now, that I can see, is to move into a bigger rental which will be around £800 but I'll be -£100 each month so it's not truly an option. I've cut back our spending as much as I can.
The whole situation is making me depressed. I earn 33k per year plus extra for nights/weekends and we can't afford a house. My take home is around £2k per month.

Does anybody have any ideas?

Yes he sleeps fine! It's worked ok so far but he's now at an age where I think he should have his own room to play with his friends etc. I think if older DS hadn't decided to move out me and DP might have ended up getting a sofa bed for downstairs this summer anyway, before he goes into year 1 in September.

I'm glad we didn't try and stretch ourselves financially to afford a 3 bed though, especially with the way things are now.

Another thing job wise, quite a few nurses I've heard recently are leaving the NHS to become clinical advisors for 111 They are so desperate for staff they are paying a welcome bonus and letting clinicians pick their hours apparently

How much longer do you have on maternity leave? Seriously you don’t know what’s going to happen to your rental in the future biting the bullet now and getting your own house with a mortgage the one that waiting for you is a risk I would be willing to take. Can your husband drive? Can he get a job working permanent nights? He could join an agency now and then give up his day job when the time comes for you to return to work and then work agency around you? I worked in the NHS for many years and it’s easy to become institutionalized it was only when I left I realized the job market is vast. If you did rent a bigger property would you get UC? I would try and make buying the house you’ve already set up work but only you know what’s best for your family.

Dh stays at home as a sahp. Is ds18 getting all the PIP entitlement / disability benefits he is entitled to? Nothing wrong with him using some of that towards his board.

Have you checked entitled to.co.uk to see if you are able to claim any support that would cover the £100 shortfall?

Could your DH go part time in his current role rather than fixed shifts, would that help with childcare arrangements at all?

Completely unhelpful but this is exactly why the nhs is on its knees - good, trained, dedicated nurses who end up leaving because the job is so bloody inflexible.it’s like they want to be understaffed and have it all go tits up.

anyway, the housing. If dp gives up work then don’t forget you will be saving on nursery fees. I assume ds is also eligible for dla so dp can claim carers allowance which will give a small boost. Also with 2 dc, one classed as disabled, yoh may be eligible for tax credits etc. have you don’t the calculators? It might make the £960 just about doable. Tight, but it’s only until the baby is old enough for free childcare and dp can use that time to work on his English and qualifications so he has more opportunities too. Good luck though.

I can't offer any help on the work front but DD stayed in our room until she was 4, once she left I got pregnant again and then DS stayed until he was 4 too. We purposely got a bigger bed to accommodate them haha.

I hope you can get it all sorted. You should be enjoying your baby, not stressing about all this!

I also can’t understand why pp keep suggesting your dh works nights. It’s like they didn’t read the OP.

OP is a nurse and the main breadwinner working shift work 24/7. DP needs a job that fits into the hours childcare (nursery or childminder) is open for. I don’t know who you are all expecting to care for the baby when both parents are working a night shift 🙄

Would your ward consider letting you do your ‘share of night shifts’ on the weekends (Friday/Saturday nights) when childcare isn’t an issue (presuming your husband is Monday to Friday)? It would be a bit rubbish working more than your share of weekends but if it’s only temporary it may be doable.

or you said the majority of staff want to work the nights, can you just swap your night shifts with someone? A bit risky if you can’t get a swap but might be a temporary option.

what reason have the ward given for not allowing you to only work day shifts? According to UNISON, as part of the flexible working policy they have to give you a good business reason for not allowing it. You can also appeal the decision.

Aren't there other warehouse jobs with different shifts. My DS worked at a large cold store in Uni holidays where there were a variety of shift options. He worked 9.00am to 7pm on fixed days. Some did 12 hr 4 on 4 off shifts. Some did early starts.

Where are you looking for functional English and Math? Tell your husband to access the National Careers Service- they should be able to tell him where he can get extra quals- it won’t cost anywhere near 2 grand.

@Coldilox I'll have a look and see if they'll accept me without any adult nursing experience.

@JanglyBeads I looked at shared ownership and it works out the same cost each month as a full mortgage but I'll keep looking at new schemes as they are always building in our city

I wouldn’t move house at the moment. Baby could share a room with you for a couple of years?

@Versailles2023 I can't afford the mortgage on one wage

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz @DuchessOfDisco DS gets high rate pip but it's paid to him. I don't feel right asking for board when he's at full time school. DH can't claim carers as he's not allowed to claim public funds on his visa. I already get UC top up for our current rent but wouldn't get more for a bigger house as my rent is already more than LHA.

have you looked at flats, are they any cheaper to buy than the houses your looking at?

Surely it would be better for you son in the long run to contribute some board… especially if it helps you afford your own home which you should be able to adapt as needed? Just a thought.

Ah ok yes while at school fair enough. Please don't feel guilty about it once he is out of school.

You can always pay him back when you are in a better position?

@HMW1906 there is a constant shortfall of staff on our ward so that's why they can't let me not do nights because it doesn't work on paper, although in reality it would be fine.

@bigbluebus thats what he's looking for but daytime hours seem to be like hen's teeth at the moment

@Dotcheck I'll look into that. It was the advice given by the adult learning team at the council.

Practical suggestion
2 year plan
Husband stops work and becomes primary carer for baby
Husband upskills over next 2 years eg part-time Access course (colleges often have a creche), OU etc. Plus maybe some part-time work in career area.
Do you intend to have older son with you long term? Again use next 2 years to work towards independence.
Stay where you are whilst rent is reasonable. Yes 3 rooms would be ideal but baby sharing for a bit might not be so stressful if between thr 2 of you you get to sleep, shop, run home etc rather than chasing your tail.
House prices could go up further, stabilise or crash. In a years time you'll have a better idea and make a decision to rent/buy.

Atm it seems soul destroying coz you're working hard and have no quality of life.

Another option is to consider relocating. As a key worker you would be priority for Social accomodation. That doesn't mean youll walk into a council house, but there are lots of schemes around. Obviously you'll need to be out of area and prepared to relocate.

If you have an end goal the sacrifice might feel worth it. Write it down. An idea is not a plan. Formulate the bones together then add meat and tweak as you progress.

Who told you that he was infertile?

Did he tell you??

Flats are more expensive round here. They market them as some sort of bijou apartment penthouse living. In reality they are bog standard flats in a bog standard town!

No. The nhs told us. We had fertility testing and they said we would need ivf with icsi due to his low sperm count.

You say when he's on earlies, can he not work lates when your nights? We are both NHS and basically worked opposite shifts by swapping when DS was little. Any out patients roles in your trust or side ways moves to another trust

What is your son spending his PiP on. It can go towards accommodation if he needs to live with you longer due to his disability. It is for the extra things he needs to help him.

Thankyou everyone for all of the advice. I'm trying to reply individually but DD is being fussy.
It's good to know it's not just us that might be faced with room sharing for ages.
I like the idea of 2 year planning as well. It seems less daunting to break it down.