To feel hopeless about our housing situation

[Willyswaggingfinger]

I'll start by saying we didn't move before I got pregnant with DD because DH is infertile and we were told we would need ivf so we were saving for it. Turns out he's not as infertile as they thought.

So there's 4 of us in a 2 bed house. Me, DH, DS18 DD (4 months) and the dog. We rent and are paying well below market value (£560 per month). I moved here with DS 7 years ago, then I met DH and he moved in 3 years ago.
We need 3 bedrooms and our plan was to move this year. Because we were saving for ivf, we have enough for a 5% deposit on a new build, we have a mortgage in principle and an agreement for a 5% deposit contribution from the house builder.
Except it's all gone tits up.

DH's boss agreed verbally when I was pregnant that he could do 8.30-5pm when I go back to work so that DH can do the nursery run. DH put his request in writing and it's been refused. He starts at 6am on early's so before nursery opens.
I'm a nurse and work 7.30am-8.30pm on days and 8pm-8am on nights.
I've asked to do just day shifts so I can drop DD off at 7am and DH collect her at 3pm but work said no. They also won't allow set days.
DH is unskilled and it's proving really difficult to find a job with hours that work with nursery so it looks like he will have to give up working to look after DD. I earn 2x DH wage so it makes sense for me to stay at work. I'm looking for a more flexible ward now.
We have no family support.

So back to the house.
We can't afford a £960 a month mortgage on just my wage. I'm feeling really hopeless about it all. The only option we have now, that I can see, is to move into a bigger rental which will be around £800 but I'll be -£100 each month so it's not truly an option. I've cut back our spending as much as I can.
The whole situation is making me depressed. I earn 33k per year plus extra for nights/weekends and we can't afford a house. My take home is around £2k per month.

Does anybody have any ideas?

Could you get him a portering job, bank HCA or bank MLA type job at your hospital to make life easier?

Latest don't finish until 10.30pm and I would be starting my night shift at 8pm. We always do 2 nights in a row.

@Luckypoppy he doesn't spend it, its all in his savings. It gets reviewed again next year when he leaves school.

Yes we're looking. There's no vacancies at the minute. The service department are much more flexible than wards.

If DH is on minimum wage, why can't he changes jobs to retail, hospitality etc that would allow him to be around for drop offs and pick ups? Not all are shift work, and many would be able to be flexible around your days/nights as they are crying out for staff!

I agree with this. Plus in 2026 your 4 mo will be in free nursery and your DH will have ILR. This means he could then apply to government funded apprenticeships for mature students and such like. So he can then gain a qualification so as to better his work prospects and then shortly after, perhaps can try to buy again.

i do think a 2 year plan would be best. There’s no rush.

ring fence your deposit and do try to add to it where you can. Don’t feel bad about taking board off DS.

If your DH keeps his eye out for any other school hour / nursery hour jobs - there may be other employers who will be more reasonable. (Secondary schools often need caretaking /facilities staff.)

We both look on indeed every single day and nothing has come up.

Does your DH drive? Uber driving could be an option, choosing his own hours etc being flexible around your work.

If you settle yourself to 12/18/48 months of him being a SAHD and then in the meantime, if something suitable turns up, he applies.

Could your DH apply for caretaker jobs in schools? These pay around £20k a year and require no real qualifications.

My husband left school with no qualifications either, a family member suggested he try being a caretaker and working his way up to site manager.

He managed to get a caretaker job by purely being enthusiastic and is now a site manager to three schools in two years he’s gone from £18k to £40k.

The hours are good too, he works 8-4 every day and is home 4:30 but if he wanted he could work 9-5 or 7-3 etc as long as he gets his hours done.

Hes finding it really hard to recruit caretakers at the moment due to lack of applications so it may be something your husband could consider.

DD should be fine in your room for another 12-18 months. Keep saving and see how your situation changes. None of this needs to be an immediate problem.

I was also going to suggest applying for a job as a disability assessor for one of the companies that do the assessments for the DWP.

They are constantly advertising, the starting salary for a job in Hastings was £37k with another £1k after 6 months and again after 12 months. Most of them are still working from home and doing assessments over the phone, and I think they are flexible on hours.

Alternatively, how about being a nurse in a GP practice? The hours would be much more family friendly, and no weekend work.

@Willyswaggingfinger have you tried McDonald's, KFC etc

Good shout.
There's a few jobs in the kfc website including apprenticeships so I'll get him to apply.
Nothing at mcdonald's.
We tend to just look on indeed for jobs, I miss the days where the jobcentre used to advertise jobs.

Hold old are you both?

I agree stay put until DD is in school & re-access then. It will be much easier. + going off your wages I’m not sure how you’d afford a mortgage and childcare fees.

Firstly I would say don’t buy yet due to prices coming down and DS moving out in a year.

but you bring home £2k and a mortgage is less than half this then I don’t see the issue, that is perfectly normal when people first buy a house.

We moved when we had DD however she is still in our room in her cot at 16 months old as she doesn’t sleep well. I’m not sure when she will be going in her lovely new bedroom that is untouched! So don’t worry and just take your time looking into other avenues to make your situation work.

If DS gets PIP and is 18, would he be eligible for universal credit as a separate entity from your family? You might be able to get some board from him that way?

I agree with everyone saying this isn't a now problem - concentrate on getting things sorted for a couple of years time.

Join the social housing register. You’d qualify for a 3 bed. Really depends on how you are banded.

My family member was in this exact position, but with twin babies.

husband gave up work - she went to work for an agency rather than the NHS.

she picks her hours and earns a lot more.

@ItchyBillco im 38, DH is 26.

@DemonHost I don't know where I'm going wrong then. I've cut my budget but my outgoings are currently £1836 per month.

@Augend23 no because he is still in full time school until next year

@CornishTiger I'll look into that. I think from memory DD needs to be 1 to qualify for her own room on our councils criteria.

Are you receiving the severely disabled child element and carer element on your UC claim?

UC is possible to claim whilst young people are still in full time education, but LCWRA would need to be established prior to the beginning of the course and as you are getting UC you would need to weigh up what you would receive more in anyway.

In preparation for DS ageing out of being on your UC claim and moving to another placement he, or you on his behalf if you are appointee, should make a credits only New Style ESA claim in order to establish LCWRA.

Yes I get severely disabled element but UC obviously changes according to my wage so some months I'll get nothing and other months I'll get £200.
I didn't know he could claim other stuff. He's getting a transition social worker so I'll ask them about it.

You should also get a carer element. You don’t need to be claiming carer’s allowance.

Contact have helpful information on their website about UC, young people still in full time education and asking for a credits only New Style ESA claim.