Apparently I think I am 'King Sh*t'

[Shgytfgtf111]

I got a promotion last year and now manage a team of team leaders. During an argument before my partner said I had changed since getting it and think I am king shit. I genuinely dont think I have changed, I dont think I am better than other people but now I am worried whether thats what other people think too.

I pressed him for what he meant but he just repeated the same thing so now I am actually concerned that other people might think that too. Maybe I have changed? I dont know. I really enjoy my job.

Sometimes people can change when they get promoted, but it's usually in a work place context and is a result of poor management practices in that work place.

However I think if your partner actually had a problem with how you were acting, he would be able to articulate that instead of just insulting you!

So I think that while we don't actually know how you are behaving, it's abundantly clear from his reaction that it's much more likely to be a him problem than a you problem.

Congratulations on the promotion!

Agree with this 100%!

Congratulations on your promotion and I'm sorry your partner has made you doubt yourself. If he can't handle a strong, confident, successful partner, that is entirely his problem, not yours!

You missed the bit where she asked and he had no examples of her King Shitness, also she does All the drudge work at home! Hardly a tyrant is she?

He sounds threatened by your success.

My abusive ex told me similar. How my colleagues hated me, how they thought I should be reported how one of them had told his ex-wife so she knew… It was all in his head but another way for him to abuse me and know how upset I became.
If you think you are doing your job fairly then there are Red flags 🚩 waving.

He's worried with your new found confidence you will see him for the actual shit he is and leave him.

Why on earth are you doing everything at home? Would you accept this at work? I think you need to be MORE king shit at home, not less. Tell him he needs to do his fair share or leave.

I will now find my inner king shit and tackle today's to do list!!

Some men feel emasculated by assertive, successful women. Maybe he is one of those, and is trying to regain the upper hand by insulting you.

😄😂 That really made me chuckle😅

@Shgytfgtf111 "King Shit" is not an acceptable way to speak to anyone.

However, I wouldn't be so quick to put it down to jealousy (as PP have done). My DS1 got a job which basically means that he is King Shit, and everyone listens to him and does as he says. He then tried the King Shit act on me, and I pulled him up very sharply. I also reminded him that he needed to watch how he talks to people at work as well, because while they might have no choice but to do as he says, he needs not to be an arse about it. He wasn't terribly impressed by maternal home truths, but came back a couple of hours later to say that he had thought about it, and I was right. So it's just possible that your behaviour at home has changed a bit without you even realising it.

(It's also possible he's just jealous, but it's worth considering the alternatives before going down the 'he's a controlling, jealous shit' route).

I’m in two minds, on one hand it’s not ok to speak to someone like this, but how does being more assertive at home manifest?

assertiveness is good. As is self confidence. It ceases to be good when it meanders into acting like a manager in the home. There is a balance. A personal relationship is very different to a work one. A relationship between two life partners is very different to one between employee and supervisor. Being able to manage the distinction is Important.

I don’t agree with rhe simplistic responses of call him a turf anf wear a crown, and I’m surprised you seem to grab at them. I do agree with speaking to your husband and understanding further if there is an issue here or if he is jealous and to undertake some self reflection on our behaviour.

If this is reasonable assertiveness and confidence that’s fantastic and he is the issue. If it is thinking your decision is the one that counts and acting superior etc then you are. Although to be fair the latter doesn’t work in the workplace either.

This…
Instead of being proud and praising your hard work in getting to where you are, he’s feeling oh so insecure poor diddumms. Tell him to grow up! Oh and just randomly shout “off with his head” whenever he walks into the room.

I would have said Yes I am one Bad Ass Bitch and Queen of f*ing everything and that's a problem why?

Another threatened man trying to knock a woman down a peg or two to make himself feel better. Lovely.

You are starting to realise your worth and he is trying to pull you down. I don't actually think he is jealous, or feeling threatened, I think he just doesn't like you.

Good partners are supportive and proud of each others achievements. This one is a dud. I think you should seriously re-consider your relationship and how you have been so used to deferring to him that you didn't even realise it.

King Shit wouldn’t do all the domestic work / cleaning and you shouldn’t either.

Can this guy not work a vacuum cleaner or something?

You guys are hilarious thank you.

He grew up in a household where his mother did literally everything around the house so thats what he seems to expect. Of course she never worked. Its easier to do it myself when he isnt there than get criticised for not doing it 'right', affecting his asthma while dusting etc etc. I have told him that I am not the hired help. We'll see how that one plays out. He actually complained to his mother one day about cleaning and she went 'why doesnt she want to do it though? Is she depressed?' which didnt help. He looked shocked when I said that I dont want 'help' to do it, its not actually my job. I am working on getting this sorted, its doing my head in.

To answer the person that asked if I boss him round at home like I might do people at work, I dont boss anyone round at work. Its not that type of role - yes I deal with behavioural/HR issues but that isnt by bossing people around. Im a civil servant.

I would go with this! Congratulations on your success OP.

Cant do the dishes/hoovering/whatever due to his bad back
Cant cut the grass due to his hayfever
Cant load the washer as cant bend down due to his back.

You get the idea...

Sincere thank you to all of you for your congratulations 😀

But are you treating him like one of your staff? I know of someone who got a great promotion, although none of us worked with her she began to bark orders at us when we were out together or when we visited her. She even asked someone if they knew who she was when we were having a meal out 😳 It was all much too much.

He's trying to bring you down a peg or two, probably because your success has made him feel insecure.

I can honestly say that I dont bark orders at anyone and never have

What does he bring to the party? Don’t you think you might be happier without him?

As you said previously you've asked him specifically what it is you're doing and he just comes out with same phrase 🤷
You are willing to try and understand what the problem is but he just wants to deride you and put you down

This happened to me. Uni in my mid twenties after being a SAHM. He didn’t like it. I won’t go into details but he definitely tried to contain me, made me feel guilty for even mentioning my life outside the home, then hurt me (emotionally) very badly. I think he thought I’d roll over and die and shrink back into my little box he wanted me in so he felt secure/unthreatened. I didn’t. I finished uni, got my dream job and loved it.

I think you probably aren’t being King Shit. Just holding yourself in more confidence and esteem because you have a job you are good at and makes you feel good about yourself. Don’t let his petty insecurities and fragile ego make you feel shit about yourself for just being good at what you do.