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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Random man in restaurant

359 replies

Theblacksheepandme · 16/02/2023 00:11

I'm in a restaurant tonight with my husband and daughter. The restaurant ended up being quite pretentious and in hindsight we should have left and gone somewhere else. The manager made us feel unwelcome and was very unfriendly.

We went for a wine tasting with our food. Wine was excellent but the food was just ok.

There was a couple of obnoxious men in the restaurant which were quite loud. One was with his wife and spoke loudly on his knowledge of wine. In all fairness she was just as bad. He was even on his mobile for 10 minutes while in the restaurant.

We noticed that the manager that also attended to our table was fawning over them. We weren't asked if we wanted dessert or tea or coffee.

The bill came to €160 and when we were paying, the manager asked if everything was ok. I replied that the food wasn't great and that I didn't think they were as good as they obviously think they are. I told him service was terrible and while other people were asked if they would like dessert, tea/coffee, that we were not.

We got up to leave and the man that knows all about wine got up approached me and told me that I didn't need to be so loud in addressing the manager. I asked my husband and daughter if I was loud and they said not at all. Their table was behind ours. He didn't think once to go over to the man at the other side of the restaurant to tell him to stop being loud. He didn't even recognise that we could hear every conversation he was having.

AIBU that this random man had no right to tell me how to behave. I am so angry and upset by this and feel so stupid that I allowed him to ruin my night. He also walked away immediately once he had his say in order to not allow me to reply. I ended up calling after him to mind his own business and called him a pretentious idiot (not my finest moment). His wife looked at me when I was leaving and then looked at my husband and said good luck with that.

OP posts:
Cocobutt · 17/02/2023 16:56

We were leaving when bloke approached me and he legged it to the loo immediately.

Random man ran off?

And your DH didn’t hear what he said because he was out of earshot even though you were all sat at the same table and got up to leave together?

MissMaple82 · 17/02/2023 16:59

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 16/02/2023 09:41

What did the OP do that was “bad”? Dare to complain about sub-standard service?

Show quote history

Complained, loudly, after the fact, removing their opportunity to rectify things, and probably brought other diners into it which is what pissed the random guy off, then gobbed off across the restaurant to the random who dared to confront her behaviour ! Cringey!!!

MissMaple82 · 17/02/2023 17:02

Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 16:23

He didn't know, I told my husband what he said to me. My husband was too far to hear him. He also leaned in towards my ear to say what he had to say.

Show quote history

So he was being discreet ?

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 17:08

MissMaple82 · 17/02/2023 16:55

You both sound pretty awful. And if he could hear the conversation then, maybe, just maybe, you were too loud!

When I go out I am always very conscious about people hearing me.
I do suffer anxiety due to menopause and also makes me quite self conscious.
My husband, daughter and friends always struggle to hear me.
I tell them that I don't want other people to hear me.
My daughter often jokes that if they struggle to hear me that the other people out will hardly hear me.

I did say earlier on in the thread that sometimes when out that it can be difficult not to hear people at other
tables but some people are extra loud where everyone in the restaurant can hear.
This couple were particularly loud.
In fact I thought they were quite dismissive to one of the waitresses but not the manager.

OP posts:
Booklover23 · 17/02/2023 17:09

See now you seem even more odd as you quite blatantly live in Ireland

so either you’re on holiday and happen to speak Hungarian to understand everything that was going on around you. Or you’re talking utter nonsense (and no it’s not expensive for Budapest either).

Johnnysgirl · 17/02/2023 17:12

Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 17:08

When I go out I am always very conscious about people hearing me.
I do suffer anxiety due to menopause and also makes me quite self conscious.
My husband, daughter and friends always struggle to hear me.
I tell them that I don't want other people to hear me.
My daughter often jokes that if they struggle to hear me that the other people out will hardly hear me.

I did say earlier on in the thread that sometimes when out that it can be difficult not to hear people at other
tables but some people are extra loud where everyone in the restaurant can hear.
This couple were particularly loud.
In fact I thought they were quite dismissive to one of the waitresses but not the manager.

Show quote history

Oh, come on. Your family at the same table struggled to hear you but you could be heard berating the waiter by the table next to you? Wtf?
This thread is getting weirder and weirder. Not least because you can't explain why you were dotted all over the restaurant, out of sight and earshot of each other while all walking in a straight line towards the door.
It's nonsense, isn't it?

OhNoNotThatAgain · 17/02/2023 17:12

Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 17:08

When I go out I am always very conscious about people hearing me.
I do suffer anxiety due to menopause and also makes me quite self conscious.
My husband, daughter and friends always struggle to hear me.
I tell them that I don't want other people to hear me.
My daughter often jokes that if they struggle to hear me that the other people out will hardly hear me.

I did say earlier on in the thread that sometimes when out that it can be difficult not to hear people at other
tables but some people are extra loud where everyone in the restaurant can hear.
This couple were particularly loud.
In fact I thought they were quite dismissive to one of the waitresses but not the manager.

Show quote history

Yet you then complained to the staff loudly enough for people at another table to hear?

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 17:13

Booklover23 · 17/02/2023 17:09

See now you seem even more odd as you quite blatantly live in Ireland

so either you’re on holiday and happen to speak Hungarian to understand everything that was going on around you. Or you’re talking utter nonsense (and no it’s not expensive for Budapest either).

I said I was on a city break. I speak English and so does the other couple that I said were on a city break. Have you read all of what I have said on the thread?

OP posts:
Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 17:16

MissMaple82 · 17/02/2023 17:02

So he was being discreet ?

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More sneaky and spineless I would say. Possibly making sure my husband didn't see. Aren't most random men that like to tell women how to behave spineless? Hence the legging it once he had his say.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 17:18

Johnnysgirl · 17/02/2023 17:12

Oh, come on. Your family at the same table struggled to hear you but you could be heard berating the waiter by the table next to you? Wtf?
This thread is getting weirder and weirder. Not least because you can't explain why you were dotted all over the restaurant, out of sight and earshot of each other while all walking in a straight line towards the door.
It's nonsense, isn't it?

Show quote history

Crikey, you're a real Enola aren't you? Will I draw a diagram for your investigation?

OP posts:
VirtualRealitee · 17/02/2023 17:21

I agree with a PP in that it's all a bit embarrassing.

Disappointed in your husband though that he'd rather give the wife an earful than wait a few minutes for random man to return from the toilet.

Booklover23 · 17/02/2023 17:34

I thought this was embarrassing if it was at home. But the fact that you were overseas on a break is even worse and actually I’d say makes it far more understandable that the random man said something to you (am assuming he was from the UK or Ireland also). It’s like a natural instinct to try and show people that we are not all oafs who are rude to waiting staff.

Cocobutt · 17/02/2023 17:34

Oh, come on. Your family at the same table struggled to hear you but you could be heard berating the waiter by the table next to you? Wtf?

Yet the DH didn’t hear what the random man was saying as they were too far away and then random man ran off.

It’s getting crazier and crazier.

NoBoatsOnSunday · 17/02/2023 17:37

VirtualRealitee · 17/02/2023 17:21

I agree with a PP in that it's all a bit embarrassing.

Disappointed in your husband though that he'd rather give the wife an earful than wait a few minutes for random man to return from the toilet.

The woman made a snarky comment about the OP to the OP’s DH, why on earth should he have to wait for the male diner to return before he responds?

If your husband or other male chaperone was not present when you read this response, I profusely apologize for having addressed you while you’re unescorted.

Glitteratitar · 17/02/2023 17:38

Johnnysgirl · 17/02/2023 17:12

Oh, come on. Your family at the same table struggled to hear you but you could be heard berating the waiter by the table next to you? Wtf?
This thread is getting weirder and weirder. Not least because you can't explain why you were dotted all over the restaurant, out of sight and earshot of each other while all walking in a straight line towards the door.
It's nonsense, isn't it?

Show quote history

The holes only starting appearing after posters pointed out how rude OP was and how cowardly her husband was to have a go at the woman but say nothing to the husband. The more she tries to explain, the more holes there are.

I find it incredulous that OP went to a random restaurant on holiday, to a restaurant she knows very little about, and told them they’re not as good as they think they are. Yet we are also meant to believe she suffers from anxiety.

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 17:38

I'm interested to know as I've asked a few times and received no answer. Is my husband to ignore a woman that clearly spoke to him in a derogatory manner about me? Is my husband seriously to hang around to have it out with random man?

We stood up to leave, random guy spoke to me and legged it. Manager took a couple of minutes to get our coats. We put our coats on and proceeded to leave. The position I sat at the table allowed me to get to exit quicker than my husband and daughter. This was when his wife spoke to my husband. Random guy was still in loo. Even when we left and walked passed the restaurant he was still not sitting with her. How long would people want us to stand and wait for random guy to come back? My guessing is that he was cowardly waiting long enough for us to be gone.

I actually felt sorry for the wife until my daughter told me how rude and unkind she was in her comment about me.

OP posts:
blacksax · 17/02/2023 17:45

It's the manager I feel sorry for.

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 17:46

Glitteratitar · 17/02/2023 17:38

The holes only starting appearing after posters pointed out how rude OP was and how cowardly her husband was to have a go at the woman but say nothing to the husband. The more she tries to explain, the more holes there are.

I find it incredulous that OP went to a random restaurant on holiday, to a restaurant she knows very little about, and told them they’re not as good as they think they are. Yet we are also meant to believe she suffers from anxiety.

Show quote history

I can suffer anxiety and still be able to stand up to a spineless coward that is trying to tell me how to behave.
Is that not possible?

OP posts:
Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 17:47

NoBoatsOnSunday · 17/02/2023 17:37

The woman made a snarky comment about the OP to the OP’s DH, why on earth should he have to wait for the male diner to return before he responds?

If your husband or other male chaperone was not present when you read this response, I profusely apologize for having addressed you while you’re unescorted.

Show quote history

😂

OP posts:
MikeWozniaksMohawk · 17/02/2023 17:55

I replied that the food wasn't great and that I didn't think they were as good as they obviously think they are.

This was a very rude thing to say, the second part is quite a personal attack.

Booklover23 · 17/02/2023 17:58

Well so is shouting after the man to “mind his own business and that he’s a pretentious idiot”

I don’t think being classy is the OP’s forte.

Johnnysgirl · 17/02/2023 18:02

Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 17:16

More sneaky and spineless I would say. Possibly making sure my husband didn't see. Aren't most random men that like to tell women how to behave spineless? Hence the legging it once he had his say.

Show quote history

Pretty much what your dh did, then?

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 18:04

Booklover23 · 17/02/2023 17:58

Well so is shouting after the man to “mind his own business and that he’s a pretentious idiot”

I don’t think being classy is the OP’s forte.

I did actually say that wasn't my finest moment. I guess I was cross that he made sure he wasn't going to allow me to respond to him but you're right. I shouldn't have shouted after him and felt shitty about it afterwards. Hense me trying to make a quick escape. No need to be rude about me being classless though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 18:06

MikeWozniaksMohawk · 17/02/2023 17:55

I replied that the food wasn't great and that I didn't think they were as good as they obviously think they are.

This was a very rude thing to say, the second part is quite a personal attack.

You're right and I agree that my feedback should have been more constructive and less personal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 18:09

Johnnysgirl · 17/02/2023 18:02

Pretty much what your dh did, then?

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@Johnnysgirl
I just can't explain anymore. You still didn't answer. Should my husband have ignored random mans wife when she engaged with him?

OP posts: