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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Random man in restaurant

359 replies

Theblacksheepandme · 16/02/2023 00:11

I'm in a restaurant tonight with my husband and daughter. The restaurant ended up being quite pretentious and in hindsight we should have left and gone somewhere else. The manager made us feel unwelcome and was very unfriendly.

We went for a wine tasting with our food. Wine was excellent but the food was just ok.

There was a couple of obnoxious men in the restaurant which were quite loud. One was with his wife and spoke loudly on his knowledge of wine. In all fairness she was just as bad. He was even on his mobile for 10 minutes while in the restaurant.

We noticed that the manager that also attended to our table was fawning over them. We weren't asked if we wanted dessert or tea or coffee.

The bill came to €160 and when we were paying, the manager asked if everything was ok. I replied that the food wasn't great and that I didn't think they were as good as they obviously think they are. I told him service was terrible and while other people were asked if they would like dessert, tea/coffee, that we were not.

We got up to leave and the man that knows all about wine got up approached me and told me that I didn't need to be so loud in addressing the manager. I asked my husband and daughter if I was loud and they said not at all. Their table was behind ours. He didn't think once to go over to the man at the other side of the restaurant to tell him to stop being loud. He didn't even recognise that we could hear every conversation he was having.

AIBU that this random man had no right to tell me how to behave. I am so angry and upset by this and feel so stupid that I allowed him to ruin my night. He also walked away immediately once he had his say in order to not allow me to reply. I ended up calling after him to mind his own business and called him a pretentious idiot (not my finest moment). His wife looked at me when I was leaving and then looked at my husband and said good luck with that.

OP posts:
NoBoatsOnSunday · 17/02/2023 18:11

Johnnysgirl · 17/02/2023 18:02

Pretty much what your dh did, then?

Show quote history

Are you really that much of a precious flower?

If you made a snarky comment to a man, you’d expect him to wait for your male chaperone (presumably ‘Johnny’) to return before he replied to you?

Would you alert the church elders if he failed to do so?

Johnnysgirl · 17/02/2023 18:15

NoBoatsOnSunday · 17/02/2023 18:11

Are you really that much of a precious flower?

If you made a snarky comment to a man, you’d expect him to wait for your male chaperone (presumably ‘Johnny’) to return before he replied to you?

Would you alert the church elders if he failed to do so?

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Not sure what you're on about, tbh.
I was referring to the dressing down her dh gave Random's wife before legging it out the door.
What you're referring to I have no idea.

Diverging · 17/02/2023 18:15

Interesting narrative. Wish I’d started reading this yesterday.

NoBoatsOnSunday · 17/02/2023 18:16

Johnnysgirl · 17/02/2023 18:15

Not sure what you're on about, tbh.
I was referring to the dressing down her dh gave Random's wife before legging it out the door.
What you're referring to I have no idea.

Show quote history

The woman made a snarky comment about the OP to the OP’s partner.

He responded to her in kind.

But you seem to think he should have waited for the husband to come back first?

VirtualRealitee · 17/02/2023 18:19

We stood up to leave, random guy spoke to me and legged it.

Are you saying he actually started running? Because that's what 'legged it' means to most people.

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 18:23

VirtualRealitee · 17/02/2023 18:19

We stood up to leave, random guy spoke to me and legged it.

Are you saying he actually started running? Because that's what 'legged it' means to most people.

No sorry, I use it as someone that tries to leave as quickly as possible, not necessarily running. Will make sure I try to not use it in wrong context again now you've informed me.

OP posts:
MarieRoseMarie · 17/02/2023 18:37

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Ann30567 · 17/02/2023 18:42

The “good luck with that” comment would have got me the most. A man said it to my partner when we were leaving the hospital with my newborn. He was talking about me because I was upset (dreadful birthing experience that ended in an emergency C). People need to keep their gobs shut and not interfere in other peoples business.

restingbitchface30 · 17/02/2023 18:48

So1invictus · 16/02/2023 05:52

Frankly, you all sound as bad as each other.

This!! You possibly came across quite rude when you ‘complained’ and the man didn’t like how you handled it. Did he need to get involved, no, but did you really need to make someone feel rubbish? Because you probably did. You all sound like brats

NoBoatsOnSunday · 17/02/2023 18:50

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You appear to be making up various new parts of the story in order to enlighten us with your classicist musings.

Could you perhaps take the time to brush up on your reading comprehension instead?

Rollingaroundinmud · 17/02/2023 18:52

No restaurant can pay me enough to put up with that.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 17/02/2023 18:53

Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 15:57

For the people commenting on my rudeness to the manager. I agree that my delivery wasn't my finest and I should have said something more constructive than what I said.

The manager was rude, unfriendly and dismissive from the start. In hindsight we should have left before we even started to eat. We booked 2 weeks in advance and as it's a busy city I was afraid that we would spend the evening looking for somewhere else.

The other couple arrived after us and it was then I noticed a difference even in his greeting. I can definitely assure you all that the couple were tourists on a city break like us. We heard them saying this to him. Not friends with the Manager.

I was definitely not jealous but I do think that all customers should be treated equally. I never want special treatment as that would also make me feel uncomfortable.

All tables were close enough to each other. Sometimes it's hard not to hear what other tables are saying but we all know the ones where people talk so loud that they want others to hear. Sure they heard me complain but I wasn't loud and certainly would never raise my voice. There was another couple near us and we could hear them but they weren't speaking in a manner that they wanted all to hear.

We went to a restaurant last night and from the moment we arrived it was wonderful. My daughter commented on what a difference it was in relation to how lovely the staff were. This is also a fine dining restaurant but without the pretensiosness.

All three of us love our food and fine dining restaurants do not need to be like the other one.

I worked in hospitality in my younger days and would never have treated customers the way this manager treated us. I also dislike when staff are treated badly by customers. I have dumped friends from my observation on how they treat staff.

As I stated in a post on this thread I’d have been annoyed by the treatment of you and your family by the manager compared to other diners. I’ve not often seen this happen as most restaurant managers are extremely professional but I can guess this has happened and can guess the type and way you and your family were treated.

Cocobutt · 17/02/2023 18:53

The “good luck with that” comment would have got me the most.

She was unnecessarily rude to waiting staff and had an issue with at least 4 people in the restaurant.

I think the comment is a fair one.

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 18:55

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Wow, you made up a whole story in your head there. You also made a whole load of assumptions.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 18:59

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 17/02/2023 18:53

As I stated in a post on this thread I’d have been annoyed by the treatment of you and your family by the manager compared to other diners. I’ve not often seen this happen as most restaurant managers are extremely professional but I can guess this has happened and can guess the type and way you and your family were treated.

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Thank You

OP posts:
MissMaple82 · 17/02/2023 19:01

Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 17:08

When I go out I am always very conscious about people hearing me.
I do suffer anxiety due to menopause and also makes me quite self conscious.
My husband, daughter and friends always struggle to hear me.
I tell them that I don't want other people to hear me.
My daughter often jokes that if they struggle to hear me that the other people out will hardly hear me.

I did say earlier on in the thread that sometimes when out that it can be difficult not to hear people at other
tables but some people are extra loud where everyone in the restaurant can hear.
This couple were particularly loud.
In fact I thought they were quite dismissive to one of the waitresses but not the manager.

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I dont quite understand what point your trying to make. Clearly the man heard you, you were loud enough for the man to hear what you said and get annoyed by it and your manner, so maybe on this occasion you were louder than you think

Rollingaroundinmud · 17/02/2023 19:04

Johnnysgirl · 16/02/2023 10:24

Sounds like you were being a bit obnoxious with your childish "You're not as good as you think you are" comment, and are raging that you were called on your rudeness.
Not sure why someone else being loud really excuses your behaviour?

It’s not easy working in hospitality I would never dream of being so rude to the help.

PinotPony · 17/02/2023 19:04

Loud people in restaurants can be annoying... but it sounds like you're very sensitive, particularly if you were irritated by two different men being too loud.

Why did the manager "fawning" over them bother you? So what? Surely you'd be engaged in conversation at your table, not studying what other diners are doing.

In all honesty, it sounds like you were determined to find fault and offence from the get go. Rather than ask to be moved or informing the waiting staff that you're unhappy with your meal, you sat there simmering and getting worked up, before making a snarky comment to the manager.

Newmum0322 · 17/02/2023 19:07

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You’ve embarrassed yourself

Rollingaroundinmud · 17/02/2023 19:08

Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 18:59

Thank You

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You weren’t treated badly you could have asked for desert or tea/coffee that’s what I do. I don’t sit there resenting the other table I go out to enjoy myself.

You remind me of this obnoxious man who hated most of his meal but he ate all of it.

You complain while you’re eating not after.

Nothingbuttheglory · 17/02/2023 19:09

If I want dessert and coffee in a restaurant I just ask for it.

7393sallyC · 17/02/2023 19:15

Stop making excuses to others, that couple were downright rude to you. You have a right to your own opinion and they had no right butting in and making derogatory comments to you. Things like this make me so mad. Eating out is expensive and it annoys me that other people can ruin another persons evening by interfering. I'm sorry it ruined your night and made you feel bad. I also think that by standing up to the manager you are setting a good example to your daughter. Never expect less than what you deserve.

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 17/02/2023 19:18

PinotPony · 17/02/2023 19:04

Loud people in restaurants can be annoying... but it sounds like you're very sensitive, particularly if you were irritated by two different men being too loud.

Why did the manager "fawning" over them bother you? So what? Surely you'd be engaged in conversation at your table, not studying what other diners are doing.

In all honesty, it sounds like you were determined to find fault and offence from the get go. Rather than ask to be moved or informing the waiting staff that you're unhappy with your meal, you sat there simmering and getting worked up, before making a snarky comment to the manager.

Like I said earlier in thread, the manager fawning over this couple didn't bother me. I would hate to be fawned over. What bothers me is when customers aren't treated equally and we certainly weren't.

There is a posh department store near me that I refuse to buy anything from. The staff are known to pick and choose the customers they focus on and look down their nose at some customers. Simply based on aesthetics.

I simply hate this crap and as I said before, I really should have left but was afraid I wouldn't get a table elsewhere without booking.

OP posts:
NoBoatsOnSunday · 17/02/2023 19:18

I enjoyed how, in a thread about whether couple A or couple B were obnoxious, @MarieRoseMarie swept in to outdo them
both.

Missingpop · 17/02/2023 19:19

I don’t know about calling him a pretentious idiot I’d have followed him back to his table & pour his wine over his head & told him to take his head out from up his arse & mind your own fucking business.you gormless twat & if his Mrs said anything she would have got the death stare & told just don’t I’m warning you don’t go there & with that I’d have walked out head held high with a big smile on my face.