That rugby player…in a scrum with a woman down an alleyway… wtf!

[GoingOnce]

AIBU to be shocked someone would want to do this/have it done to them? I mean, the main offense is that he’s cheated on his poor wife, but also - is this a thing??? 🤢

If she works for an estate agency, their reputation will be about how they market properties and manage the sales process. People putting their house on the market will care about this more than the private life of an employee. I don't see how this would damage their reputation such that a person who did nothing wrong at work (presumably) deserves to lose their job

I feel so sorry for their children and spouses, it's just awful for them.

I agree with other posters that filming this and sharing it online is just abhorrent. I can't see what good it's done anyone- I suppose it's made their spouses aware of who they're really married to but I'd honestly rather stay in the dark than have my children exposed to this type of humiliation.

His and her actions are way beyond the remit of a 'drunken mistake' in my opinion- this is an entirely predictable outcome and they were doing it very, very openly. The chances of someone other than the person filming walking past and seeing them would have been high and it's completely unacceptable to expose random people to you rimming away. I know it's not illegal unless someone actually is 'outraged' but I actually think whether someone is unlucky enough to walk past and see shouldn't be the test of whether something like that is ok to do in a public place

Still, the person who filmed it had plenty of options that didn't involve putting it on the internet. Calling the police if they were outraged or just telling the spouses privately would have been proportionate.

Cannot see how publicly shaming people like this is good for society in any way- releasing such footage really shows contempt for human dignity and I think that's a principle that shouldn't really be compromised no matter how wrong the people involved were. Even if people don't care about the dignity of the people in the video, they should care about the dignity of their families and actually the people who have unwittingly seen it just by scrolling through Twitter (I'm aware plenty have actively gone looking.)

@Littleloveydovey I have seen the video actually. And pretty sure I know my arsehole from my clit.

An alley isn't public in the way a pavement in the town centre would be public. In their pissed up state they thought they would be out of view.
The public aren't morally outraged by seeing them - many have sought it out on purpose by watching the video. The only person who we know saw them, was the one who filmed it!

If that was her clit that means he was fingering her belly button. 😳

How do the estate agency know it's her ? You can't identify her facr, if she denied it they can't prove it's her. Sounds like tribunal case to me..

To keep a modicum of control over what is written.

Lot of media will say “this is what we’re going to write, but if you talk we’ll do different”

She seems in total protect mode to me to get her and her kids through it in the least harmful way possible.

And miss out on the book deal, chat shows, Love Island, etc?
Are you mad?

It’s hideous for their kids. However I’d rather have my mum/ dad taken the piss out of mercilessly than the public making it all about consent, sexual assault and moralising.

We don’t know how it got distributed. Again the guy sent the footage to the wife first. We don’t know who else saw it after that . They were with a load of drunk rugby players. Once one persons shared it, you’ve lost control of it.

In that case, where was his nose?

He’s not that big a deal, I’d be surprised if much of any benefit to speak of comes out of this. Maybe I’m wrong but 🤷🏼‍♀️

No. She chose to do this in public. Her employer considers this conduct inappropriate and that's entirely reasonable.

This is why the guy that filmed it has done the wife a favour.

It's not revenge porn either. There is no revenge element. The person filming cannot claim he took the film in revenge for being so outraged in a public place because of what he said.

Oh I agree with her losing her job (no workplace would stand for it unless it's rugby league, lol), but she'll get over that eventually. And find another lower profile/non client facing job once this dies down.

It's the reputational damage, the safety risk from pervy/leery men, it's forever being on porn sites, it's your children seeing you do it - that's the stuff I meant will destroy her life.

His DD has posted on Twitter asking for the video to be taken down.

Oh I agree with her losing her job (no workplace would stand for it unless it's rugby league, lol), but she'll get over that eventually. And find another lower profile/non client facing job once this dies down.

I think losing or not losing their jobs is one of the actual interesting discussion points about an incident like this.

I think that the majority of women would lose their jobs for it. The associated stigma for a woman is always going to be worse.

I think far less men, sportsmen or not, would lose their jobs for it.

Misogyny very much would impact that imo.

It's the reputational damage, the safety risk from pervy/leery men, it's forever being on porn sites, it's your children seeing you do it - that's the stuff I meant will destroy her life.

at least her face isn't visible.

Where is the info that she was sent the video first coming from?

The interview I read suggested he told her himself.

**She explained: “Later that night, Joe was at our neighbour’s house and he said, ‘I need to talk to you’.

“His face just dropped and he looked totally different.

He said, ‘I’ve done something last night . . . I’ve been videoed with a girl with my pants down’.

“I asked to see the video and he said he didn’t have it but that it was on Twitter.

“I went on to Twitter and saw it had been deleted and deleted loads of times and then about half an hour later it was posted again and that's when I saw it*"

Hmmm, good point. Tbf I think any client facing job (not in sports) would sack an employee, male or female, who was outed in the media for shagging in an alleyway. Though I imagine informally the blokes would get a high five or "boys will be boys", and the woman a scarlet letter.

But you're right, women certainly face far more social stigma and judgement for expressions of sexuality than a man would. I think the UK and US are particularly puritanical in this regard - the judgement just around women who have sex on a first date or have casual sex is astounding.

i hope she leaves him this time. My kids went to the same
school as hers in Pontefract and a few years ago she was overheard telling people loudly she had caught them at it on her bed.

You’ve obviously never had a night out in Pontefract / Castleford! They’re grim places

I think male or female anyone client facing would be fired over this. Any good sports person, male or female wouldn’t, they’d be fined.

ive been reading the twitter comments and very very few men are condoning it. Whatever you think of men, most of them are not rimming their mates wife/wife’s friend in public places.

this woman was fired yes. But she’s been spared the utter public humiliation That Joe has suffered. Her face is deliberately not shown, the video person, I am positive could have videoed her if he wished. I’d also assume her kids could have been spared as she is not publicly known. Her humiliation is much more confined. To husband friends work.

so whomever did this was going after Joe. They have protected her from the wider public knowing her identity . I also think it’s obvious Joe and rhe person videoing know each other well.

So this has been going on for years?

Weird that he was being filmed with a phone with a light on, they were lit up and he was still at it. You would think at the sound of footsteps and the phone bloke shouting at them they would have paused proceedings. Doubt if it's the first time either. Having said that it's an image I can't unsee and hard not think it was some spoof as it's so appalling, then again I am sheltered.

Mate, if your clit is high up and in between your arse cheeks then you’re a medical marvel.