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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That rugby player…in a scrum with a woman down an alleyway… wtf!

881 replies

GoingOnce · 15/02/2023 19:53

AIBU to be shocked someone would want to do this/have it done to them? I mean, the main offense is that he’s cheated on his poor wife, but also - is this a thing??? 🤢

OP posts:
KattyKattyKatz · 16/02/2023 10:22

If i was the woman in the alley I would deny deny deny it was me . Apart from the tattoo on her back there is no way they can Identify her or name her unless she admits it as the press has no proof .

TimeForMeToF1y · 16/02/2023 10:23

Littleloveydovey · 16/02/2023 10:13

I hope that the person who recorded and distributed it originally faces criminal repercussions

but not them for engaging in illegal behaviour. Because it actually is illegal to expose yourself in public, engage in sex in public. Oh yeah, and they were cheating, Just in case you weren’t sure.

Unless you've snipped the quote and the poster goes on to say those things are mutually exclusive what's the problem

Your posts are suggesting you are personally involved somehow as youre twisting posters words

monsteramunch · 16/02/2023 10:24

@Littleloveydovey

and for you the worst is the person who told?

So disingenuous.

Very, very few people would take issue someone telling the partners involved what they saw.

Many, many people do take issue with someone filming and distributing footage of other people in a sex act.

The person who saw them could have just told the partners. They could have, if determined to film for some sick reason, shown the footage privately to the partners, but they chose to circulate it.

Staggered you seem to think that's in any way acceptable. Nobody is saying cheating is acceptable. They're saying it doesn't make filming and distributing footage of that cheating acceptable.

KattyKattyKatz · 16/02/2023 10:26

Therellbenobutterinhell123 · 15/02/2023 21:31

I live fairly local and the woman involved has been identified and named as has her profession and place of work. She was also married with 2 children.
The video is absolutely grim but public humiliation is awful for anyone

All she has to do is deny she's not showing her face in the video. No one can prove it's her .

KimberleyClark · 16/02/2023 10:28

they did it in public, where anyone could have walked down there and seen them.

They could just as easily have been caught on cctv/security camera footage.

KattyKattyKatz · 16/02/2023 10:29

Arrrrrrragghhh · 15/02/2023 21:51

Its pretty intimate though and as a woman, head down arse in the air, you’d have to be fairly trusting.
I been on the fairly spicy rugby nights out ( thankfully before camera phones) and that doesn’t look as much fun as it could have been.

I don't think that was the first time they had been together. No one performs an act like that the first time they have sex

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 16/02/2023 10:37

I don't think that was the first time they had been together. No one performs an act like that the first time they have sex

Some may do. But I don't think it was their first time together. They just clearly chose to hook up in public this time, forgetting they don't have a right to privacy in a public setting. If you cared about getting caught, you shouldn't hook up in a public place.

Littleloveydovey · 16/02/2023 10:42

KattyKattyKatz · 16/02/2023 10:29

I don't think that was the first time they had been together. No one performs an act like that the first time they have sex

Not in a drunken fumble no. I really don’t think so either, for me that video is two people who are intimately acquainted and used to having sex, who got pissed and went out and did what they normally do, thinking they couldn’t be seen. Happy to be proven wrong.

im curious as to who filmed, posted it and their motivation. Has he shagged that man’s wife, for me Joe looks shocked, guilty and placatory at the end, the video is clearly cut so you can’t see her face, so she’s been protected, and it was clear the man videoing it before he walked up there, knew and did so on purpose.

So whoever decided to leak this, did it on purpose and I suspect there is a huge and unpleasant back story about revenge and trying to ruin his career and marriage in return for this behaviour. The target was clearly Joe as if he wanted to show the woman’s face, he could have. It’s been cut short so you can’t.

as much as she’s been fired and her family and friends know. She has been completely spared the utter humiliation he’s facing.

BridieConvert · 16/02/2023 10:43

GoingOnce · 15/02/2023 20:00

Scrum was being used in a tongue in cheek manner…. literally.

😂😂😂

CTRALTDEL · 16/02/2023 10:49

' I'd have said it's a pretty normal sex act for both men and women.'

Down an alleyway, in public, with your trousers down, with a friend of your wife? And getting filmed?
Nah, I'd say it's all about context!

StepAwayFromGoogling · 16/02/2023 10:52

If I was his wife I'd be fucking furious that my kids had seen that. And all their friends had seen it. And they will be targeted and humiliated at school. Just because their Dad was a tosser. Blowing apart his family's lives - for what?!

Tratjymp · 16/02/2023 10:53

Scrum was being used in a tongue in cheek manner…. literally

Not exactly scrumptious (I expect).

GetOffMyDoorJack · 16/02/2023 10:56

While I don't condone either of their behaviour (and having been cheated on I think they are absolute scumbags for what they have done to their families) I do feel uncomfortable at knowing this will probably end up on some porn site for eternity. I suspect it won't be too long until the female is named in the gutter press and there will be no going back from that.

ThisIsAnAlaia · 16/02/2023 11:09

He's not licking her bum 🙄 He's giving her oral sex from behind. Mostly likely before they have sex as his dick is out.

Fifi00 · 16/02/2023 11:10

Why does the wife keep giving interviews , I would keep silent now kick him out , it's not good for the kids to keep talking about it in the press.

eighteenthirteen1 · 16/02/2023 11:12

Fifi00 · 16/02/2023 11:10

Why does the wife keep giving interviews , I would keep silent now kick him out , it's not good for the kids to keep talking about it in the press.

Hopefully getting every last £ out of the sorry situation

Littleloveydovey · 16/02/2023 11:16

ThisIsAnAlaia · 16/02/2023 11:09

He's not licking her bum 🙄 He's giving her oral sex from behind. Mostly likely before they have sex as his dick is out.

You’ve clearly either not watched the video or are confused in anatomy 😂

squtable · 16/02/2023 11:17

If i was the woman in the alley I would deny deny deny it was me . Apart from the tattoo on her back there is no way they can Identify her or name her unless she admits it as the press has no proof

people probably know who his best friend is though.

Youwhatnowbiggles · 16/02/2023 11:21

I have (& won’t) watch the video. From the reports of what they were doing, yes - it is all totally grim and their partners deserved to know. However I don’t believe anyone deserves public shaming on this sort of scale, I find the way some seem to be revelling in the retribution deeply unsettling.

Bansheed · 16/02/2023 11:21

ReneBumsWombats · 16/02/2023 09:55

You can read my previous posts to see I've described their actions as classless, stupid and nasty, and expressed my sympathies for their families. Indeed, my concern for his daughter is one reason why I'm not in favour of public shaming. It doesn't affect only the pair of them themselves. It affects the kids too, as we see.

It's a pity that in your relentless quest for gratuitous humiliation and vengeance against two people you don't even know, you think that anyone opposed to public shaming must think there's no blame for the act itself. But that's how mob mentality and public shaming work. It's all about extreme punishment at all costs...including the very families people claim to be so distressed about.

I completely agree with you. The visceral responses some people are having is disturbing me, hugely. I can really see how mob vengeance works and so many posters seem proud of that.

It is truly chilling

squtable · 16/02/2023 11:23

Everyone makes stupid drunken mistakes - she didn't deserve to have her entire life destroyed over it.

It's not as simple as that. For one there are different degrees of mistakes & if it's proven than someone's actions impact their workplaces reputation what about the other employees? If I ran a small business I wouldn't want to be associated with this.

ImAvingOops · 16/02/2023 11:24

I still think it's outrageous that the woman has lost her job. She did something that she thought was private and didn't know was going to be filmed and broadcast to the world - her personal life is her business and nothing to do with her employer.

Cuppasoupmonster · 16/02/2023 11:25

She did something that she thought was private

…in a public place, outraging public decency?

Bansheed · 16/02/2023 11:26

ReneBumsWombats · 16/02/2023 09:27

Yes, I've read it and I thought of it too.

You might also like So You've Been Publicly Shamed by Jon Ronson.

Both are great books, and then the further watching Monica Lewinskey's TED talk on shame. They all have shaped my empathy to public shaming and the salacious aspect of it. Shame kills. And no-one should die over this.

NeverThatSerious · 16/02/2023 11:28

ImAvingOops · 16/02/2023 11:24

I still think it's outrageous that the woman has lost her job. She did something that she thought was private and didn't know was going to be filmed and broadcast to the world - her personal life is her business and nothing to do with her employer.

I don’t believe she thought it was that private given she was (most likely!!) aware she was in a public alleyway with people all around…
Unfortunately for her, bringing a company’s name into disrepute is a pretty serious issue and clauses to that effect have been in every workplace contract I’ve ever signed.

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