Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That rugby player…in a scrum with a woman down an alleyway… wtf!

881 replies

GoingOnce · 15/02/2023 19:53

AIBU to be shocked someone would want to do this/have it done to them? I mean, the main offense is that he’s cheated on his poor wife, but also - is this a thing??? 🤢

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 16/02/2023 10:07

BountyGalaxyTwixKitkat · 16/02/2023 10:04

I don't have her name if I knew it I would've put it on my comment. Bent over in an alley when you're in a relation and you know he's married is hardly a classy lady.
I don't see her as worse, they are both scum. Don't defend her just because she's a woman. I'd be more worried about his daughter and wife than what strangers call the ex estate agent affair partner, is this better dear?

You can defend your misogyny all you want, it’s still blatant.

The fact her spouse and children also don’t feature in your concern is also telling.

BountyGalaxyTwixKitkat · 16/02/2023 10:07

You think what you like @eighteenthirteen1

BountyGalaxyTwixKitkat · 16/02/2023 10:08

@YetMoreNewBeginnings 🙄

Isthisabitweird · 16/02/2023 10:09

pristinesurfacesGBTD · 16/02/2023 09:35

Yeah but what really happened?

Show quote history

That tickled me. I don’t think you were clear enough in your description.

Do I think he deserves to keep his job and she lose hers? No. But he will probably make a shit load of money off this. She won’t.

eighteenthirteen1 · 16/02/2023 10:09

@BountyGalaxyTwixKitkat just admit it!

Fuckityfuckfuck123 · 16/02/2023 10:09

The woman he was caught with has been sacked from her job hasnt she.
I find it quite sad TBF, his kids were sent the vile clip on snapchat.

He hasnt only pulled apart his family with his cheating, but his children have also been exposed to pornography of the act itself, the children will not be able to see their father play again, because the chants that will result from this.

The other family, I suppose will probably break up too, and the cheater of the couple has lost her income.

As much as I dont believe they should be able to get away with what theyve done and have it brushed under the rug,

This has hurt their children more than anything, I hope that the person who recorded and distributed it originally faces criminal repercussions.

AllTheThingsIWantAreHere · 16/02/2023 10:09

I'd be changing my name if I was his wife or kids.

eighteenthirteen1 · 16/02/2023 10:10

I too and concerned that she's going to fair much, much worse than him.

They both made a grubby mistake, the guy filming made a mistake. People shouldn't be shamed for life over mistakes though.

I feel sorry for everyone to varying degrees. Not including the cameraman.

Littleloveydovey · 16/02/2023 10:11

And let’s be clear here. For those defending this woman. She is the OW. As said the likely hood of this being the first time of them being together is practically non existent. But even in the unlikely event it was, They are good friends with each others spouses. Know each others kids. They are both married, and she is the ow. He was a grooms man at her wedding.

spare some sympathy for his wife as you defend this woman.

ReneBumsWombats · 16/02/2023 10:11

Littleloveydovey · 16/02/2023 09:58

For goodness sake. Calm down and do not put words or motives in my mouth when you do not know me. Our opinions may differ but that doesn’t mean you get to attack and debase me.

the difference in opinion is that I do not feel this is about public shaming I believe it is about thr behaviour itself at its root. That if they had not done this, then they would not be able to be publicly shamed. No amount of your wrath will change my view that they are responsible for what’s happened.

Show quote history

Word of advice: telling people to calm down doesn't actually make them any more exercised than you are, nor does it make you sound more rational. It actually just makes you sound slightly hysterical with baseless deflection.

It is wrong to rim someone in public when you're married with kids and it's wrong to video it and upload the footage to the Internet. The second act massively exacerbates the damage done by the first and there's responsibility to be had there too. It causes further things to happen that wouldn't have happened otherwise, however wrong the initial act was.

You can't claim that there's nothing wrong with posting such footage on the net while also hand wringing about his daughter seeing it. It simply makes no sense. She's been more damaged now than if her parents had been able to deal with this with as much discretion as possible.

But public shamers don't want kids to be safe or adults to work through a marriage ending with as much dignity as possible. They want public shame at all costs.

Cui bono?

ganvough · 16/02/2023 10:13

Littleloveydovey · 16/02/2023 10:06

So I really feel for his wife and kids, and the woman and her family

I feel sorry for his wife and kids and her husband and kids.

I reserve no pity for her.

Having your stupid decisions haunt you for the rest of your life in a way that opens you up up to perverts, porn, possible sexual assault by guys thinking "you're up for it", and job loss is not a reasonable consequence for cheating. She's already lost her husband and kids.

Everyone makes stupid drunken mistakes - she didn't deserve to have her entire life destroyed over it.

eighteenthirteen1 · 16/02/2023 10:13

As said the likely hood of this being the first time of them being together is practically non existent.

Don't agree. People are confusing facts with opinion on this thread.

Littleloveydovey · 16/02/2023 10:13

I hope that the person who recorded and distributed it originally faces criminal repercussions

but not them for engaging in illegal behaviour. Because it actually is illegal to expose yourself in public, engage in sex in public. Oh yeah, and they were cheating, Just in case you weren’t sure.

Littleloveydovey · 16/02/2023 10:14

eighteenthirteen1 · 16/02/2023 10:13

As said the likely hood of this being the first time of them being together is practically non existent.

Don't agree. People are confusing facts with opinion on this thread.

I just don’t think you go to rimming on a first dalliance like this. But you may no better.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 16/02/2023 10:14

Littleloveydovey · 16/02/2023 10:11

And let’s be clear here. For those defending this woman. She is the OW. As said the likely hood of this being the first time of them being together is practically non existent. But even in the unlikely event it was, They are good friends with each others spouses. Know each others kids. They are both married, and she is the ow. He was a grooms man at her wedding.

spare some sympathy for his wife as you defend this woman.

Where has anyone defended her?

Pointing out misogyny in people’s manner toward the two of them isn’t defending her or not having sympathy for his wife.

Its pointing out misogyny in reactions. Something that should never go unchecked as it affects all women as it happens so often.

ReneBumsWombats · 16/02/2023 10:14

Littleloveydovey · 16/02/2023 10:11

And let’s be clear here. For those defending this woman. She is the OW. As said the likely hood of this being the first time of them being together is practically non existent. But even in the unlikely event it was, They are good friends with each others spouses. Know each others kids. They are both married, and she is the ow. He was a grooms man at her wedding.

spare some sympathy for his wife as you defend this woman.

I haven't seen a single person defend what she's done.

I just see people like you who are so fixated on public shaming that you can't see how one can oppose both the act and the shaming.

eighteenthirteen1 · 16/02/2023 10:15

No, I don't 'no' better. So I'm not making any comments pretending that I do.

BountyGalaxyTwixKitkat · 16/02/2023 10:15

He knew he's a famous man and chose to be in public when doing this, this is on him, the risk was known to be high of publicly shaming his family.
Men like him would never stop cheating, they live in a culture where men having side chicks and fucking around is part and parcel of the 'lifestyle'. It's good on society as a whole to make an example of him. They brought this onto themselves. I think his club should drop him.

monsteramunch · 16/02/2023 10:17

@Littleloveydovey

Where has anyone 'defended' her actions? I haven't seen that once.

eighteenthirteen1 · 16/02/2023 10:17

B&Q better recall holidaying staff, there's going to be a run on pitchforks today

Surplus2requirements · 16/02/2023 10:18

Littleloveydovey · 16/02/2023 10:13

I hope that the person who recorded and distributed it originally faces criminal repercussions

but not them for engaging in illegal behaviour. Because it actually is illegal to expose yourself in public, engage in sex in public. Oh yeah, and they were cheating, Just in case you weren’t sure.

It only becomes illegal if a witness is outraged.

Hence outraging public decency.

I guess the entire Internet counts

BMW6 · 16/02/2023 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 16/02/2023 10:18

I think his club should drop him.

If he was a shit player they might, but he’s not so they won’t.

RL is also cautious about how it deals with players with alcohol or drug issues and trouble in their personal lives after what happened with Terry Newton after his drugs ban and the openness of another player about how he also considered suicide after drink problems.

TimeForMeToF1y · 16/02/2023 10:20

Littleloveydovey · 16/02/2023 09:15

Imo the video releaser is the worst one here imo

wow. Really, two people cheating, with their friends, engaging in public sex, two married people, two people with children. Rimming in public.

and for you the worst is the person who told?

fuck me,that’s a whole different level of morality,

Did you read I said worst?

Cheating on wife - bad thing

Cheating on husband -: bad thing
Releasing video of the above on the internet for thier children to see - bad thing and imo the worst of three bad things

That's hardly an off the wall opinion is it?

eighteenthirteen1 · 16/02/2023 10:22

I agree @TimeForMeToF1y

People cheat all the time. It's a terrible thing to do.

Posting videos with the intent to humiliate is worse