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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That rugby player…in a scrum with a woman down an alleyway… wtf!

881 replies

GoingOnce · 15/02/2023 19:53

AIBU to be shocked someone would want to do this/have it done to them? I mean, the main offense is that he’s cheated on his poor wife, but also - is this a thing??? 🤢

OP posts:
squtable · 16/02/2023 08:21

but I’m disappointingly unsurprised to see that the woman in question loses her job while the man in question hasn’t, thus far.

perhaps her job is something like a teacher but probably it's just misogyny.

Tratjymp · 16/02/2023 08:22

Moonmelodies · 16/02/2023 07:55

How come his penus is so small?

The really shameful bit!

BatshitBanshee · 16/02/2023 08:22

HarlanPepper · 16/02/2023 08:19

If she was drunk then she wasn't consenting. And even if she was, she consented to a sex act with one person, not to having the act filmed and broadcast over global social media. If you watch this video you are complicit in sexual assault.

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Exactly.

And you're a teacher @MrWhippersnapper for 26 years.

I do hope you brush up on ethics and consent before you pack it in.

MrWhippersnapper · 16/02/2023 08:22

TimeForMeToF1y · 16/02/2023 08:21

You know nothing of what led up to the video, he's a hugely strong rugby player, can you not conceive that she might have been physically threatened into that position, scared not to go along with it?

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Neither do you

whereaw · 16/02/2023 08:23

How would you feel (those of you who watched it) if your son or daughter got totally bladdered and ended up in a similar (drunkingly consenting - if that's possible) position, and a video was taken, publicly shared, and people were making vile comments on social media about him or her?

Are they consenting to being filmed and watched?

I don't get how your sick voyeurism is so easily passed off as moral outrage.

But the scariest thing is that my view is totally in the minority...

squtable · 16/02/2023 08:23

You know nothing of what led up to the video, he's a hugely strong rugby player, can you not conceive that she might have been physically threatened into that position, scared not to go along with it?

Im confused by this, if she wasn't consenting it's unlikely she would not have told the police by now. I'm not sure why the narrative may be for some that she didn't have any agency, they were both stupid.

PrincessConstance · 16/02/2023 08:24

Drunk sex in an alleyway. How fitting for a human.
Who says romance is dead?

user1465390476 · 16/02/2023 08:24

she is literally presenting herself to him. She is in a tricky position so clearly can’t be so drunk. It’s awful but it looks nothing like a sexual assault situation.
And I’ll reiterate I saw this video on SM before I realised what it was. I haven’t rewatched it nor would I.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 16/02/2023 08:24

Arrrrrrragghhh · 16/02/2023 07:47

@TimeForMeToF1y Oh come on.
The “ can I have a go comment” made during an ongoing rape is clearly different to this camera guy who has caught two consenting adults in the act.

How is it different? Ched Evans said the same words, more or less, to Clayton McDonald - the latter was found not guilty of rape at the original trial and the former guilty.

Really - how is it different?

TeenLifeMum · 16/02/2023 08:25

It’s appalling and I certainly don’t condone it but why has the woman lost her job? She’s an estate agent. I don’t see the link between her private life and relevance to her ability to work. Her family has been torn apart and she’s got to deal with that but losing her job just seems odd to me.

TimeForMeToF1y · 16/02/2023 08:25

MrWhippersnapper · 16/02/2023 08:22

Neither do you

Show quote history

Which is exactly why I'm not stupid enough to make comments that I can't possibly back up

At no point have I said she wasnt consenting, I'm asking how posters seem to be able to categorically say that she was on the basis of a few seconds of shaky video

MrWhippersnapper · 16/02/2023 08:25

Her work profile is still up

BatshitBanshee · 16/02/2023 08:25

MrWhippersnapper · 16/02/2023 08:21

Oh fuck off with the sexual assault shit, it’s two consenting grubby twats getting caught down an alley way

"Oh nooooo someone called me out on my gross opinions and now I'm uncomfortable and have have no other options other than to reduce to profanity because I don't have the capacity to argue my way out of this vile corner I've boxed myself into. Wahhhhhhhhfuckoffwaaaahhhhhh....."

Museya15 · 16/02/2023 08:26

TimeForMeToF1y · 16/02/2023 08:16

Perhaps you can answer as no one else is, how is it obvious?

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How would it look if it were not obvious? What makes you think she might not be consenting?

MrWhippersnapper · 16/02/2023 08:27

BatshitBanshee · 16/02/2023 08:25

"Oh nooooo someone called me out on my gross opinions and now I'm uncomfortable and have have no other options other than to reduce to profanity because I don't have the capacity to argue my way out of this vile corner I've boxed myself into. Wahhhhhhhhfuckoffwaaaahhhhhh....."

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Not gross, just don’t agree with you , if you’re willing to sacrifice two marriages and ruin the lives of your partners and children for a quick fumble down a public alleyway then you deserve everything you get. They caused this.

Bellalalala · 16/02/2023 08:27

TeenLifeMum · 16/02/2023 08:25

It’s appalling and I certainly don’t condone it but why has the woman lost her job? She’s an estate agent. I don’t see the link between her private life and relevance to her ability to work. Her family has been torn apart and she’s got to deal with that but losing her job just seems odd to me.

I think because she had it plastered all over her personal social media.

I am not 100% sure she has lost her job. But most companies have rules in place like that, which is why you should never have your employer on personal social media.

It’s not unusual for someone to lose their jobs, in these circumstances.

BatshitBanshee · 16/02/2023 08:28

MrWhippersnapper · 16/02/2023 08:27

Not gross, just don’t agree with you , if you’re willing to sacrifice two marriages and ruin the lives of your partners and children for a quick fumble down a public alleyway then you deserve everything you get. They caused this.

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I meant your gross, vile, disgusting statement in about "obviously consenting".

TheNoonBell · 16/02/2023 08:28

BatshitBanshee · 16/02/2023 07:55

I can assure you, no solicitor would argue this was in the public interest to be distributed.

You seem to still not be understanding the difference between filming and distributing.

And given that it has been noted by the person involved and several other sources that there had been a large amount of alcohol consumed over a number of hours prior to the act, it could be argued that there was a true lack of capacity to consent. Implied consent is not consent.

I do hope this never comes knocking at your door, especially since your DP has frequented strip clubs against your wishes on a stag do but you hoped he wouldn't be "too stupid". Yours is the type of outlook and attitude to come a cropper at some point.

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When you can't win the debate you go after the debater.

MrWhippersnapper · 16/02/2023 08:30

BatshitBanshee · 16/02/2023 08:28

I meant your gross, vile, disgusting statement in about "obviously consenting".

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Why is it gross ? Other posters have said exactly the same

user1465390476 · 16/02/2023 08:31

@BatshitBanshee have you seen the video?

BatshitBanshee · 16/02/2023 08:31

TheNoonBell · 16/02/2023 08:28

When you can't win the debate you go after the debater.

Show quote history

I'm not trying to win a debate.

I'm stating facts to you.

Facts, which also include a statement you shared publicly on an online forum.

If you don't like personal things shared online well then...

TimeForMeToF1y · 16/02/2023 08:31

squtable · 16/02/2023 08:23

You know nothing of what led up to the video, he's a hugely strong rugby player, can you not conceive that she might have been physically threatened into that position, scared not to go along with it?

Im confused by this, if she wasn't consenting it's unlikely she would not have told the police by now. I'm not sure why the narrative may be for some that she didn't have any agency, they were both stupid.

The hard of thinking are out this morning, it's not about w hether she consented it's about how anyone could be sure she did without knowing anything about what happened before a few seconds of video

TrinnySmith · 16/02/2023 08:31

sammylady37 · 16/02/2023 08:19

Given the fame of one of those filmed it could be argued that it was in the public interest to upload it

Ffs, no it couldn’t. At least, not successfully. There’s a vast difference between ‘what’s in the public interest’ and ‘what (some of) the public are interested in’. There is no ‘public interest’ angle here. There is however, prurience, schadenfraude and a desire for salacious details whilst professing moral outrage.

Well there’s public interest in what he was happy to do despite being married and having dependents.

squtable · 16/02/2023 08:32

In the interview his wife gave she said the woman lost her job, I guess it not a good thing for an agency to be associated with that.

squtable · 16/02/2023 08:33

Do people think it's wrong his wife has shared his text messages?