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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Barely seen my daughter this half term

111 replies

VanillaRose5 · 15/02/2023 18:17

Daughter is 8, had the same best friend for years. I know and get on with her parents. My daughter has a 5 year old sister, they get on really well and play/draw/watch TV and generally spend most of their time together.

Daughter's best friend is an only child and gets very lonely in the holidays which I sympathise with. However I feel like they sort of commandeer my daughter at holidays, so far this holiday she has spent Saturday afternoon, went on dinnertime Monday night, slept over and spent all of Tuesday daytime there, came home Tuesday evening and I've just had a text asking if she can sleep tonight and go ice skating tomorrow - the venue is a good few hours away so will be another whole day.

My daughter does love spending time with her friends and I wouldn't want to discourage it but I also want time with my daughter! The mum openly says that it makes her life easier with her daughter being an only but she's effectively making my younger an only 🤣 it's a very first world problem but I don't know if I just need to start saying no? Or is that unfair on my daughter/friend?

I work term time only so holidays are my only real quality time with my kids.

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 15/02/2023 18:20

Just say no if it doesn’t suit you!
or join up for a day out.

DuplicateUserName · 15/02/2023 18:20

Of course you need to start saying no if you're unhappy with it.

Sucessinthenewyear · 15/02/2023 18:20

Say no, we have plans.

ChickenDhansak82 · 15/02/2023 18:21

I'm going to remind you that YOU are the parent here, and your daughter is only 8, so make some plans for half term and stick to them.

Those plans can include some time with this friend but if you have plans to do other stuff then just say no.

WaddleAway · 15/02/2023 18:21

Easy solution, say no to some of the things and yes to others, depending on what suits you.
Surely you’ve had things planned over half term so can say ‘sorry we’re off to x tomorrow, but thank you for the invitation’, for example?

purpleme12 · 15/02/2023 18:22

Wow that is quite a lot actually.
I love mine to be around friends as she's only as well, but I don't think I'd be asking for it that often in that short amount of time!
You can definitely say no

Jazzy21 · 15/02/2023 18:22

If your Dd was mine, I’d be thinking she’s spent quite enough time with her best friend this week, time for some quality family time. She’ll see her at school on Monday. Very kind of her best friend’s parents to take her places and look after her, but your own family comes first.

Pinkypurplecloud · 15/02/2023 18:24

Just say no sometimes. Perfectly reasonable to want to spend time with your own child in the holidays, and probably no bad thing for friend to expand their friendship circle and invite someone else occasionally. No way I’d let my child spend half the holidays with someone else’s family.

Hankunamatata · 15/02/2023 18:24

Just say no sorry dc is busy

AmySma1 · 15/02/2023 18:29

As others have said you can have plans and those plans can be having quality time at home, I'm sure she'll enjoy spending the time with you as well so don't feel bad!

Sierra259 · 15/02/2023 18:29

That does seem a lot over the week tbh but it's easy enough to say no to them if it doesn't suit you. Just say that you've arranged to have a family day out tomorrow. In future could you arrange to have the friend over to you for some of the time so that your daughter's not out of the house so much?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 15/02/2023 18:30

Why don’t you invite the other child over to play?

Original poster
VanillaRose5 · 15/02/2023 18:35

Her friend has also been here but she's painfully painfully shy and it's excruciatingly to be perfectly honest. She doesn't speak, goes bright red if spoken to and looks on the verge of tears the whole time so she only comes for a few hours at a time. I've known her years and it's never improved. She's also very possessiveness of DD so my youngest gets pushed out.

OP posts:
Original poster
VanillaRose5 · 15/02/2023 18:36

Excuse the odd grammar and wording my autocorrect is on fire today 🤣

OP posts:
HoleyShit · 15/02/2023 18:40

I have an only child and I would never do this! I also make sure that mine has a wide circle of friends and that they're not reliant on one person.

Also this half term holiday is only a week, I mean how bored can the friend get in that short space of time? It sounds like the parents can't be arsed and want built in entertainment for their child tbh.

Redrunnynose · 15/02/2023 18:47

I had exactly the same thing when my son was younger, his friend was the youngest and his brothers were a lot older, his mum was always asking for my son to stay over, she would then call the next day to extend it, I just started saying no. I felt my son was simply being used to entertain her son, which made it easier for the parents, but like you, I missed him ! I also worked term time, so i started arranging lots of other things to do in the holidays as well as family time, just leaving one day for my son and his friend to spend the day together.

Orangeis · 15/02/2023 18:48

Just say no! Perhaps preempt it for Easter by booking things in advance.

MavisMcMinty · 15/02/2023 18:50

I’d think this was a very good thing, having my child fed and entertained by someone else all week.

But I don’t have children, and this thread has made it apparent that you all rather like your kids and want to spend time with them, which is lovely.

purpleme12 · 15/02/2023 18:52

MavisMcMinty · 15/02/2023 18:50

I’d think this was a very good thing, having my child fed and entertained by someone else all week.

But I don’t have children, and this thread has made it apparent that you all rather like your kids and want to spend time with them, which is lovely.

I'm sorry but this made me laugh 🤣

Ducksurprise · 15/02/2023 18:52

I've also had someone that saw my child as prop for their child's happiness. They tried to guilt me into sending my child as entertainment for theirs. I have six but I know lots of only children but only one parent of an only that behaved like this.

MissMarplesbag · 15/02/2023 19:00

You need to establish some boundaries now, have stock answers ready for when they text you. 'We have plans for today' or 'We're seeing family today'.

Book your dd in for Easter/summer holiday clubs but don't tell her & the friend that you've done it until very last minute. Encourage your dd to establish your friendship circles as well.
.

Phos · 15/02/2023 19:03

I'd pre-empt this for future holidays by having things planned so you can say no. If you say no to her going to do something fun with her friend and it turns out to just be mooching around the house, she could feel quite angry and resentful.

Original poster
VanillaRose5 · 15/02/2023 19:12

With me being off during the holidays I'd never put her in holiday clubs as that defeats the object of me wanting to spend time with her.

We've done stuff on the few days I've had with her, been to the arcades and a farm park but I'd actually like to just have some chill out days at home crafting, watching movies, just having her around. Her younger sister misses her too!

OP posts:
Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 15/02/2023 19:16

For future holidays make a plan in advance of what you will be doing (doesn't have cost money) so when other parents ask you can just say ' sorry we have plans on Tuesday, the only day we are free is Thursday'. You could also use if as an opportunity to spend 1 on 1 time with your youngest or let them have a friend over? I understand why you wouldn't want to not let your dd go to something you think she'd enjoy but you are perfectly entitled to say no.

Quartz2208 · 15/02/2023 19:22

Just say no you have plans

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