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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Barely seen my daughter this half term

111 replies

VanillaRose5 · 15/02/2023 18:17

Daughter is 8, had the same best friend for years. I know and get on with her parents. My daughter has a 5 year old sister, they get on really well and play/draw/watch TV and generally spend most of their time together.

Daughter's best friend is an only child and gets very lonely in the holidays which I sympathise with. However I feel like they sort of commandeer my daughter at holidays, so far this holiday she has spent Saturday afternoon, went on dinnertime Monday night, slept over and spent all of Tuesday daytime there, came home Tuesday evening and I've just had a text asking if she can sleep tonight and go ice skating tomorrow - the venue is a good few hours away so will be another whole day.

My daughter does love spending time with her friends and I wouldn't want to discourage it but I also want time with my daughter! The mum openly says that it makes her life easier with her daughter being an only but she's effectively making my younger an only 🤣 it's a very first world problem but I don't know if I just need to start saying no? Or is that unfair on my daughter/friend?

I work term time only so holidays are my only real quality time with my kids.

OP posts:
Fleabigg · 15/02/2023 19:24

Just say no then. You’re seriously criticising the other family for inviting your daughter on trips which you’re then agreeing to?

Original poster
VanillaRose5 · 15/02/2023 19:25

@Fleabigg am I criticising them? Where?

OP posts:
Fleabigg · 15/02/2023 19:26

When you say they’re commandeering your daughter and blame the whole thing on the friend being an only child.

Grizzledstrawberry · 15/02/2023 19:26

Your not been unreasonable, say no, simple as, you don't even have to say you have plans, no is enough, But if you feel like you have to say your having a family day out/going to the park/PJs and movie day.

Nimblesandbimbles · 15/02/2023 19:31

I would definitely avoid committing to too many meet ups with this friend. I have an only & I would never expect this from a friend! Apart from anything else I would miss my DD if she spent most of the half term playing with a friend. It sounds as though this mum doesn’t want to spend much time with her DC! It also seems a bit possessive & intense.

Original poster
VanillaRose5 · 15/02/2023 19:33

It IS because she's an only child though, her mum admits that? It's not a criticism, just a fact.

OP posts:
OkPedro · 15/02/2023 19:39

This is very bizarre.. if you don't want your daughter to spend as much time as she is at her friends, then just say no

Sleepwhatsthazzz · 15/02/2023 19:42

I've had something along a similar line. My youngests friends parent messaged looking my youngest to come to thier house to play as their eldest had friends over and their youngest was bored and left out. It would have meant my oldest then not having someone to play with and bored and left out. I pretended I didn't see the message until it was too late. Some people can't see past themselves.

LadyKenya · 15/02/2023 19:43

As Zammo said!

LimeCheesecake · 15/02/2023 19:47

say no!

you have plans tomorrow, so will go collect up dd now. Hope they have fun. You aren’t free now for the rest of half term.

next holidays, plan in advance, book things in, invite other children over and encourage other friendships. Agree to one half day a week play date maximum. It might seem harsh but the family need to be forced to find ways to entertain their dd without using your dd.

Lindy2 · 15/02/2023 19:48

Invite the friend over to your house for a day.

RudsyFarmer · 15/02/2023 19:48

What a difficult situation and something I suspect is not uncommon.

Your daughter’s friend’s family are offering your daughter lovely days out and you don’t want to say no and make her stay at home instead. I assume you aren’t having to pay for the ice scating ?

blacktreacles · 15/02/2023 19:48

if you want to be honest just say

’id actually like my daughters to spend some family time at home over the next few days, maybe we can make a plan later on in the week?’

:)

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 15/02/2023 19:51

Exactly as @blacktreacles said above.

Roselilly36 · 15/02/2023 19:51

YANBU of course you want to spend some time with your DD and she needs time with her sister too. This girls parents are being a bit selfish, it might make their lives easier, but it’s not fair on you OP.

StJulian2023 · 15/02/2023 19:52

Just say no!!

NancyJoan · 15/02/2023 19:52

Say no, and also have other friends over. This sounds suffocating.

Jimboscott0115 · 15/02/2023 20:01

I see you've chosen to ignore the people who have given you the one and only right answer to your question OP. Just say no.

It's really not difficult and all parents do it sometimes. Your issue is actually with yourself because you won't be the adult and have taken the path of least resistance by saying yes to her being out all the time and then complain you're not seeing her. I think it's less healthy for your daughter spending all her time with the one friend too.

Newnamefornewyear2023 · 15/02/2023 20:02

Why are you overthinking it, OP. It’s completely fine to say yes sometimes and o other occasions say you’d like her to stay home to spend time with you and her sister

PinkSyCo · 15/02/2023 20:02

Next time she invites your DD, just thank her, but tell her you’d like to spend a bit of quality time with her before she goes back to school. I’m sure she’ll understand.

KingofCats · 15/02/2023 20:06

Say no but don’t lie and say you’re going out. Thanks but we’re going to spend some family time together at home tomorrow, was lovely of you to have Dd earlier this week but me and [younger sister] miss her!

Skyeheather · 15/02/2023 20:16

For a one week school holiday, meeting once is plenty. Tell them you have plans for the rest of the week and see you at school on Monday.

For the other school holidays I'd still stick to one day a week, go the friends house one week have friend over the next. The other girl needs to make other friends and invite those friends to her house too.

Original poster
VanillaRose5 · 15/02/2023 20:17

@Jimboscott0115 I haven't ignored anyone, I just haven't responded to each and every comment 🤣 What a strange input.

OP posts:
Olive19741205 · 15/02/2023 20:21

Skyeheather · 15/02/2023 20:16

For a one week school holiday, meeting once is plenty. Tell them you have plans for the rest of the week and see you at school on Monday.

For the other school holidays I'd still stick to one day a week, go the friends house one week have friend over the next. The other girl needs to make other friends and invite those friends to her house too.

I think this is absolutely awful. You would only allow your child to play with her best friend ONCE a week?😮When I was 8 I was out with my friend(s) almost every day, especially in the summer. How things change.

Original poster
VanillaRose5 · 15/02/2023 20:23

I replied and said that we have plans tomorrow but thank you so much for the offer. She responded that she had already bought two ice skating tickets and if there was any chance we could rearrange our plans. I said unfortunately not and suggested another friend from school might be able to go so the ticket wouldn't go to waste. She hasn't replied to that but she doesn't need to really.

I'm having a movie night with both DDs (late night I know, shoot me). Pizza on the way and ice cream in the freezer 🙂 won't be back on tonight but I'm not ignoring anyone before @Jimboscott0115 accuses me 🤣 thanks for your input everyone!

OP posts: