Leave DD behind to go on holidays

[Itsybitsyminion]

Just picking your brain on this one. We have a 3yo and no much family support as DH parents live in another city (we don't see them much) and my family lives abroad. DD knows well both grandparents but she's not exactly used to be left with them except for a short time. They are also on their 70s and have some mobility problems.
In conversation with a dear friend with no kids I mentioned I would love to go on holidays to Mexico but will wait a couple of years so my DD can enjoy more the experience abroad with us and handle better such a long flight. She asked me why won't I leave her behind for 7 or 10 days with grandparents? If I will never go on holidays again just with DH and enjoy ourselves? Now, I am not sure if my mind would be at rest leaving her for so long, not sure if I am ready for that, and I actually feel like holidays like this should mean making memories as a family. Is this first time mum syndrome? Am I right in not wanting to leave DD behind? Or is my friend being unreasonable because she has no idea what it is to have children?

my 2 year old was no bother on a 14 hour flight recently so i wouldn't use long haul flight as a reason to not take her!

But I am also all for having time away without your child! I went to Glastonbury last year and left my then 1 year old with family and am doing the same again this year - yes i could bring her but I don't want to - i want to have fun with my husband partying all night like we used to! it's very rare to get this kind of time together!

i enjoy family holidays and mostly want my daughter with me - but will be taking a long weekend away with just me and husband for my birthday abroad and again have my mum looking after our child.

Mum and my daughter are very close - speak on video call daily and see each other as often as possible - so i feel really secure to leave her in her care

A 3 year old is fine on a long flight. I live abroad in a British Overseas Territory and all the Brits here fly 12 hours to London regularly with their small kids. It's fine. There's plenty of advice online on how to fly long haul with small children. That being said, while Mexico is great for winter sun, I would take Majorca in summer any time over the Carribean! Much safer, more developed and catered better to families. So just go on holiday in Europe. There's a reason Americans pay thousands to holiday there!

I went on a hen night for 2 nights and left DD with my ExH (her dad) but thats the longest I've been away from her but it was only an hour away by car. I occasionally go to my friends in London (about 250 miles - 2-3 hours drive) when she's with her dad for the weekend but thats about it. I'd not leave her for longer than that unless I didn't have a choice (e.g. being in hospital).

Her dads never taken her on holiday and is unlikely to.

In your circumstances I wouldn't because your DD isn't used to being left with them but it's something I'd feel comfortable with by the time my DS is 3 because at 6 months, he has sleepovers with Grandparents about once a month and has since 6 weeks so it is something he'll be used to.

We'll actually be leaving him for the weekend for the first time in a few weeks and next summer, we'll be leaving him for a week.

We also plan to have family holidays with him too but there's absolutely nothing wrong with child free holidays.

I’m childfree, but my parents went on holiday as a couple when my brother and I are kids, so it seems quite normal to me. It wasn’t uncommon for other families I grew up around either 🤷🏻‍♀️ We also had family holidays.

I think it’s fine, you need a break. You deserve to be rested just as DC also deserves to have a rested parent

I know loads of people who are very comfortable
doing this but it wouldn't work for me and my kids are older. Don't mind a weekend apart in another county but even that took me a while.

I will say that as much as dreaded the first time they went to GP for the weekend, the moment they'd gone I peeked right up and had a blast.

We went on a family holiday each year for 2 weeks with me, DH, my 2 DS and MiL and FiL. Later in the summer my lovely in-laws who live by the seaside used to take DS for a week so DH and I could have a couple holiday. As my 2 DS have grown up they regularly drive 200 miles to see their step Nan. FiL has died now and so MiL loves their visits. My DS are close with MiL as they share many happy memories together.

For clarity DH and me have only gone on holiday for 1 week each year on a couples holiday.

Even if this was an option, it wouldn't occur to me. Having kids changes your life - you can't just farm them out when you want to feel childfree again. Mad.

This.

Having kids does change your life but it also doesn't mean never having a childfree holiday again. Especially if you can afford both a family holiday and a childfree one.

I also wouldn't describe having Grandparents watching them as 'farming' them out.