Stop telling my child your his mama !

[camila21]

So my MIL and FIL keep trying to get my child to call my MIL mama, mother or a similar sounding name. They are originally from a northern country so I am not sure if this is cultural.

It started when my child was 18 months old he would call me Mama and my husband dada. One day I heard my MIL tell my child to call her mother and then on another occasion Mama. When I asked my mother in law not to call her self Mama she said I was mistaken... but I wasnt.

I heard my FIL do the same thing. Until my child shouted at them saying 'you are not my mama!'
Now they want my child to call my MIL a name from their country that strangly sounds like mummy, they said it means grandmother in the country. Should I talk to them or wait till they give up?

Mama is Grandmother in my language

Is it? I've been in Notts, Liecs, Beds, Northants and I have literally NEVER heard anyone use that word.

As it seems like your DH doesn’t know the name for grandparents in his parents country (???), so maybe if you actually spit out where they are from the good folk of Mumsnet can tell you the names for grandmother/grandfather in that country and it can clear up whether they just sound like mamma/mumma/mother in English, in which case YABU, or whether they sound completely different in which case YANBU.

Then choose names for the grandparents.
I was just given the name “granny” when first dgc was born, wasn’t asked, wasn’t bothered.
When she says mother or whatever to your child just say no, this is nanny/grandma/ whatever. Show nanny your new tor, tell grandma what you saw in the park. She’ll get the message eventually.

I'm from Notts and it tends to be pronounced mam mar or mom mar so doesn't sound the same as when toddlers call their mum mama even though people sometimes spell it that way

If the kid is only 18 months, how did he shout “you are not my mama”? None of this makes any sense. How old is your child? How can his grandparents have no names? Who do you tell him they are when they come to visit?

Hi OP - it may really be quite innocent from their side. These terms and their exclusivity vary between languages.

In Swahili for example, all sisters of your mother are also called mama, and all brothers of your father baba. You have to add an extra word to specify the birth mother- mama mzazi - but you only do this if you need to clarify for some reason.

You’ll look back at this in years to come and you’ll see how little it really means .

My 18yr old DS & 15yr old DD still call me Mama. And their dad Dada. I can’t imagine that changing now.

Is it France where they're from? My MIL calls herself "mammie" (idk if that's correct spelling but that's how it sounds) as that's apparently French for Nanny.

It varies where you’re from. Not all kids in the U.K. call their mother mum or mummy

This, absolutely this.

Why cause so many problems with a name? Personally I don't believe any of it. given the age of the child.

I think the Swedish for Granny is something like Mormor. It would be normal to use that term if MIL is Swedish.

This. 5 month old called me mama

There’s no way me or my partner would allow my child’s grandparents to call themselves anything related to mum or dad. That is us. We made her, I carried her and it is who we are not anybody else. I find it absolutely strange that anybody would want to be called the wrong name. My child is 14 months old and can point at me when I say where’s mummy. Does the same with daddy and her big brother. She also knows nana is nana and no lines are crossed.

Awww this has made my heart so happy. I had a Gangy too. I'm 44 and he passed away 5 years ago. I never heard of anyone else who used this name so it's lovely to hear there's still a Gangy out there. ❤️

Yes. Def hear Mom-ar

So your 18 month old shouted at your MIL you're not my Mama, he's very bright!

Without knowing the "northern country" your PIL are from it's impossible to say whether YABU as we can't determine if they're genuinely using a word for grandma in their native language that sounds like "mama" in English or whether they're just making it up. Equally we don't know the cultural significance - eg in some countries you are given specific words to use for anyone older than you/family etc so we don't know if that is coming into play too.

For example in Turkey the word for grandmother is "büyükanne" which sounds nothing like mama, but in Italy it is "nonna" which, in 18month old speech, can sound like "mama" ... If your PILs were Turkish then it would be unreasonable for them to be using a word that sounds like mama as it is totally different from the Turkish for grandma, but if they were Italian then it would be slightly more understandable as the words are much more similar.

Just say, silly grandma must be losing her memory, I am mama and mummy and she is grandma. We keep telling her but she must now be so old she is forgetting. We shall remind her she is grandma.

said in the voice you talk to a small child in, with a massive smile on your face. Works really well, especially in a crowded cafe or soft play

He's not. He needs to go fucking nuclear on them.

It would be very sad and unnecessary to fall out over this problem. There are many different names that are used in Northern Europe for Grandmother and Grandfather. A lot of them sound like the names we use for mum and dad but this doesn’t mean that the grandparent is trying to replace you in your child’s life. Also remember that your child at 18 months already knows that you are his real mother no matter what he actually calls you and his grandmother.
Talk to your DH again and ask him to decide with you, which name is best for your son to use. Take into account that these traditions are important for your child’s language development. Hopefully he will learn another language very quickly if you show good will and act in good faith towards this opportunity to gain an extra set of cultural traditions.

Absolutely - apparently he's been speaking since he was 5 months old! Imagine that...

5 month old babies don't call anyone anything. They babble and the m & d sounds are commonly easy to make so are typical first sound combinations. I'm very impressed though that the same child can form such a strong, emphatic sentence at 18 months.
So..... could your DS discuss your views with your PIL and settle on agreeable labels, as you and your husband haven't done this yet? He sounds very articulate.

@ladymacbeth but just can't say mummy? Yet can form and use a compete sentence (and shout it, to show he means it and he's irritation) in the exact situation it is required?

If he's that bright @camila21, don't worry he'll be calling her Nanny in 14 different languages including latin by the time he's two.