That breastfeeding is detrimental to maternal mental health?

[Chiikichik]

Before I start - I EBF both my children for the first 6 months of my life. Both took to it really well, but second time around the sheer relentless of it made me feel suicidal. Moving them on to the bottle was the best thing for us at the time.

There is always slot of discussion around how women are effected when they can’t establish BF through lack of support etc but not really for those of us who do establish but just don’t really enjoy it? Or just can’t cope with the absolutely bloody relentlessness of it?

Even now 18 years on?surely the most important thing is your son is happy and healthy?
My oldest is 16 I gave it a go it didn't work out ,I blame the lack of support once he was here but I don't beat myself u p.about it he ,s in robust health and that's all that matters .

Completely disagree, knowing I was doing something that had benefits not just in terms of health but also the comfort and bond it created were actually so helpful when I suffered from PND.

Yes even now.

Granted there were issues that have led to this, I had a DD who was stillborn 2 yrs prior to DS's birth, then it turned out that DS has SLD and requires full time care.

All of which have led to feelings of guilt and utter failure.

Not rational, I know but it is what it is.

Oh that' must have been been very hard for.you 😥.

I also have a child who.has.severe learning disabilities so.I have some understanding as he also needs full 1:1 care.But breast feeding wouldn't have made.an iota of difference.

@x2boys Thank you and it's lovely to hear from someone who truly understands.

I do know that about the BF. In between typing I am currently spoonfeeding DS pureed sausages and mash so I really shouldn't be beating myself up about any of it.

But heyho, parental guilt!🙂

Yes I do get it my own son is nearly 13 and cognitively around two ,he can feed himself thankfully ,but we are forever in the toddler years 😂

Actually it's a good point that it can be something to focus on if your birth was frightening and required lots of intervention.

This was the case for me too - although my brain knew that it's just luck (and possibly genetics) and not a reflection on the woman if she doesn't have a smooth "natural" birth (just as if she can't breastfeed easily or at all) it is something that women feel judged for (or judge themselves). I defensively joked that I couldn't manage a natural birth (even the term is judgemental) and needed an emergency caesarean (electives for subsequent births - even more unnatural/ inadequate/ not trying hard enough?) but at least breastfeeding came easily.

I did feel relieved that I could do that even though my body had failed me when it came to the birth. I was so aware both dc1 and I would have died if we hadn't been in a first world country in the twenty first century.

Absolutely not just the other week my son smothered himself and the sink in sudocrem !it did make me laugh because what else.can you do?

I absolutely love breastfeeding - 13 months in and still going strong. Slight issue at the start with tongue tie and latch but resolved quickly. I found the cluster feeding/newborn stage a bit tough but mostly could just sit on the sofa with cushions, snacks and good TV. But lucky for me it was the depths of January so could be cosy at home, I had amazing family/partner support and no other children to worry about.
i can imagine if you don’t have those things then the constant feeding would be detrimental to mental health and frustrating.
I think people were trying to be kind/supportive but when we had the tongue tie issue and a rocky few days everyone kept telling me to give DD formula and “there’s no shame in it” etc etc which of course there isn’t, but it made me want to scream - I desperately wanted to BF and it was as though nobody was listening to me and just pushing me to give her formula.

Indeed!

As far as breastfeeding is concerned, the judgeyness is the thing detrimental to maternal mental health - either because you don't do it for long enough (or at all) or you do it for too long.

I loved breastfeeding my two. Youngest fed until nearly three - she had to go cold turkey in the end as she wasn't going to give up without being made to!

I found bf-ing massively easier than doing bottles would have been. It definitely helped that mine were good sleepers so I wasn't up a million times a night, but I was also a lazy mum, as someone said up thread, so night feeds were done laying in bed together.

Dd1 we tried mixed feeding but she didn't love it and I found dealing with bottles a right faff. So much easier to just shove her on the boob!

You're not a failure. You sound like an amazing mam. So sorry for your loss. Sending love and hugs ❤

Came here to basically say this!

I breastfed them, has improved my mental health, as, when I’m finding things tough, I can assure myself I have tried my best by them.

I tried my best by my children even though I bottle feed.

That comment has annoyed me.

@whitebreadjamsandwich same! Only realised I may have ADHD a few years into breastfeeding but boy does the whole having milk in and clean bottles sound like it's too much for me. I cannot forget my boobs.

It was also a godsend for my ND DC1, emotional regulation all day and night, and I don't think she'd have been any easier bottle fed... just really hard to get off them.

Why have you took offence to that

2-3 hours would have actually been decent compared to some of the rough patches DD had, bedsharing and breastsleeping made it manageable, I didn't really have to wake that much. She refused and still refuses her dads care so it still likely would have been me up in the night.

Honestly no idea how you'd cope with a baby needing resettling 8+ times a night without a boob tbh.

OP. This kind of sweeping generalisation is so unhelpful. I BF all my children, and my youngest until 2, it was wonderful and extremely beneficial to my MH, however I would not be so naive as to think this is a universal experience, so would you think your experience is either?

I had to bottle feed my ds due to my medication. I suffered with PND and anxiety during his babyhood. With my daughter, I was off meds and breastfed from the word go. It made the world of difference to my mental health and I was calmer and happier. The first 6-8 weeks were pretty painful and she used to breastfeed continuously for 9h a night, but I loved those snuggles to pieces and felt so lucky to have that experience. She’s reduced feeding now, as a toddler (still feeds at night and on occasion in the day), but I think the impact on my mental health was only positive.

It totally depends on the situation though. I was desperate to try breastfeeding and was so disappointed first time around not to. My ds also had health issues that meant he literally never slept and cried in pain all night and we were constantly in and out of hospital for the first year and a half, so I was beyond exhausted and terrified for him because no one could get to the bottom of what was going on. 9h breastfeeds were the easier option in that case! She was healthy and happy and so was I. I’m sure if dd was my first and had tongue tie or something, it would have been a very different story.

😂

@Smineusername don't be ridiculous, plenty of women manage to make breastfeeding work and also manage to work full time. I'm one of them, and I'm old enough that I didn't get a whole year off either.

@Siameasy I work and still manage to breastfeed...

Honestly no idea how you'd cope with a baby needing resettling 8+ times a night without a boob tbh.

It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. If they fall asleep on the boob then they become shocked and distressed when they wake up and it isn’t there, so they cry for it to get back to sleep again. If they’re used to dropping off without it, they wake less, on the whole. So you wouldn’t really be up with them 8+ times a night. I never fed to sleep, DD didn’t seem interested frankly as she just pulled away when she was full.

How appropriate/accommodating the location was to fed? What sort of place do you mention? I breastfed at The Ritz, Fortnum & Mason and Corinthia with no problem whatsoever.