That breastfeeding is detrimental to maternal mental health?

[Chiikichik]

Before I start - I EBF both my children for the first 6 months of my life. Both took to it really well, but second time around the sheer relentless of it made me feel suicidal. Moving them on to the bottle was the best thing for us at the time.

There is always slot of discussion around how women are effected when they can’t establish BF through lack of support etc but not really for those of us who do establish but just don’t really enjoy it? Or just can’t cope with the absolutely bloody relentlessness of it?

It's not how they feed to how well they sleep. My son slept through the night since 11 weeks now 10 months and breastfed

Not true. Its not how they feed how well they sleep. My son is breastfed as slept through since 11 weeks now 10 months. Loves his sleep.

I found it easy to leave the house too and fed my son anywhere and don't bother covering up. Feeding him is more important and he hates being covered.

I don't think breastfeeding Is detrimental to a woman's mental health, it's the perceived judgement/feelings of failure when breastfeeding isn't going well that affects a woman's mental health. On the flip side of that though I felt a lot more pressure to stop breastfeeding than to continue. When my baby was 4 months old I got mastitis, I called the doctor and she laughed down the phone and said "you actually breastfeed, that's so uncommon." This was far more detrimental to my mental health than actually breastfeeding (which I was already struggling with). Breastfeeding is so uncommon where I live and people where constantly telling me I should stop. They said things like your baby will sleep better, your babys too clingy to you, your babys too old (I stopped before the age of 2 with both). No matter how you feed your baby people will judge you. I think if other people just minded their own business and stopped being so opinionated on how others feed their babies it would really take the pressure of motherhood, especially in those early months when your mental health is already fragile.

My first baby was such a shock after being an Independent, career focused party animal. I didn't sleep very much at all for many months. I felt tortured by exhaustion, I was weepy and overwhelmed. I didn't feel like a very good mum, she never settled to sleep and cried lots.

My family all formula fed and they kept telling me that it was the answer. It didn't seem like the right answer for me. In the end I coslept with the baby and she settled and slept better and I quickly felt better.

Baby 2 & 3 were a breeze - I was more relaxed and confident in my parenting. I wish I'd had more!

It depends.
I could only breast feed my eldest for 6 weeks due to a decline in MH.
I breast fed my eldest for a year and loved it. She was generally a much calmer baby though.

You haven't understood what that poster has written. She says that breastfed babies usually need to feed more frequently when newborn, than formula fed babies. This is true and supported by research, and is because breast milk is more easily digested than formula milk.

My consultants coerced me into a medically unnecessary induction, talked down to me when I asked for evidence that it was necessary (none provided) while quoting stillbirth stats and telling me I was killing my baby for three weeks until I caved so they would leave me alone. When I did go in, I asked for my bishop score and was told they had to start the process first before they could which was a lie. The registrar shouted at my DH in front of me and other HCPs because she chose to assume in less than 10 seconds of looking at us that he was preventing me from talking (a contraction was coming and he was asking her to wait) Shouting is highly triggering for me and I was in the middle of the contraction trying to tell her he isn’t (she’s still shouting) while trying to consume gas and air to keep myself calm. Didn’t work, induction failed, emcs and baby was blue (fact not told until months later after reporting them).

To this day never got an apology or told why they put me through all that over a supposedly “big” baby (he was 6lb 14oz, consultants predicting he was 8lbs at 39wks, had him at 39+3) the hospital agreed there was no evidence of a large baby, the need of an induction, or the extra tests and apts that they did. One was pushed to retired and there were changes made about consent when it comes to pregnant mothers.

I enjoyed breastfeeding and it was the one thing I felt I had consent over after all of that. Once my milk came in, and I was helped with my technique, it went swimmingly. He was a clockwork baby. Nurse for 5-8 minutes, fall asleep for 2-3 hours, change nappy, repeat. Youngest was similar except he took longer to nurse, constantly latching off to smile at me while also leading to him getting sprayed in the face if he did it too quickly and slept 5 hours at night which had us checking to make sure he was breathing because of what his brother was like and the constant saying of bf babies not sleeping long.

Yeah I know they clusterfeed. But makes no difference when they're a bit older. If a baby wants to sleep it will. Doesn't matter how they feed. My son even slept 3/4 hour sometimes 5 stretches before 11 weeks. Tbf when I gave him formula at the beginning it made no difference to his sleep

I also had a sleepy ebf baby. Dd1 did 6 hours uninterrupted overnight by six weeks, then added an hour a night per week up to 12 weeks, at which point she slept through 7-7.

I don't know what actual evidence there is (proper studies, etc) re sleep and FF v BF, but the narrative that ebf babies won't be able to sleep longer than a couple of hours at a time isn't helping raise bf rates in the UK (which are v v low).

I also didn't get zero help overnight, which is the other thing I see trotted out re FF. Dh and I took turns to be the on to get up, lift DD out of her cot, check if she needed a new nappy, etc. If it was DH's turn to do all that I stayed in bed while all that happened, then he brought DD to me, I fed her back to sleep, and he took her back to her cot and settled her. By Dd2 we did a lot of co sleeping so it didn't work out quite the same, but I didn't get left to it while dh slept.

Trekking downstairs in the night to do bottles, waiting for the kettle to boil, measuring formula while half asleep, waiting for the bottle to cool, worrying about it being too hot, too cold, all whilst baby screams his/her head off because it's hungry NOW sounds like the worst idea ever. Which is why those perfect prep machines are so popular I guess. But boobs were free and instantly available!

don't know what actual evidence there is (proper studies, etc) re sleep and FF v BF, but the narrative that ebf babies won't be able to sleep longer than a couple of hours at a time isn't helping raise bf rates in the UK (which are v v low).

In my personal experience across my friendship circle, it has proved true.

I EBF my DD. While I loved it I did resent that every single feed was my responsibility. I could only do bedtime etc. with the next one I'm going to pump and combi feed (or just use formula as I hate pumping) If they'll take a bottle thag is. My daughter didn't till 6 months

With the sleeping better. My dad slept through the night the first time she was given formula at 6 months. Seems abit too much of a coincidence to me.

Honestly, this is all that needs to be said on the subject. Everyone posting on this thread will have a slightly nuanced different experience of or feeling about breast feeding. You just can't say that it's "bad for maternal mental health" it's really a nonsense. Maybe for you, maybe for some others, but quite OBVIOUSLY not for everyone.

Oh, I completely agree with you about the sleep. I was just pointing out that the pp you quoted was talking about something a bit different; that breast milk is digested more quickly than formula milk, so a bf baby will usually be hungry for a feed sooner than a ff baby, particularly when very young with tiny stomachs. Cluster feeding is something different again. But yes, I have 4 children, call bf for about 2 years each. They have all been good sleepers from very early on. I think what many people don't realise, is that it is actually perfect normal for a bf baby to have one long period of sleep in any 24 hour period. This can be about 6 hours long, even as a newborn. If it happens at night, it's a huge bonus.

Oh I know that breastmilk digests better and quicker than formula :) more natural.

If breastfeeding is detrimental to maternal mental health? becomes "[something related to motherhood] can be detrimental to maternal mental health?" then I think that covers everything.

I think people are aware that becoming a parent/mother is a huge adjustment.
If people listen more, judge less and offer support I'd like to think women would feel less pressure and isolation.

Second this!
I have felt unbelievably proud of my BF journey the first 2 weeks were great and then the following 4 weeks I had oversupply issues and my baby was struggling with wind which made me feel like a failure. But he was ģaining weight and loved the boob! The best advice someone gave me was wait it out for 6 weeks before deciding to quit or carry on. Best thing I ever did. My baby is now 11 weeks and thriving. Ive found there to be a lot of support if you want it.. I signed up to the Koala BF support after giving birth and had weekly phonecalls from them to check how everything was going.

No, I think it is rooted in the fact we evolved to raise children in family groups (villages). Your sisters, your aunts, your mother and grandmother could all have cared for your baby and breastfed her if you were busy. The load was shared. Babies were raised by a village.

We live in a WEIRD (Western, Educated, Industrial, Rich, Democratic) country which prioritises individuality. Raising a baby where you spend most of your 24 hour day either alone or with one partner is not how our species evolved.

It is our context that causes us such emotional distress when breastfeeding.

I struggled massively with DD1. I felt I had failed. Failed her, failed myself, failed motherhood. I lasted 10 days EBF. I know now I WAS FAILED by the circumstances of MY birth (when I was born, where I was born, etc).

If I had given birth in Scandinavia in 2012, I would've had a much higher chance of breastfeeding successfully.

If I had given birth in Scotland in 1812, I would've had a much higher chance of breastfeeding. But...would I have survived childhood to live long enough to have a child? Would I have survived the post-birth infection I had or would my DD1 be motherless?

With DD2, I knew what I needed to change to try and provide that 'village' and it worked. DD2 breastfed until natural term at nearly 6 years with the first six months EBF. Ironically, it was the physical health benefits that made me want breastfed yet it is the mental health benefits for her that have lasted. Saying that, in consultation with the NHS, we managed to eliminate most of her food allergies through breastfeeding (CMPA, soya, nuts, egg) to natural term.

I feel at peace with what happened with DD1 over a decade ago now. It wasn't my failing or fault. When (if) she asks I can explain what happened AND why.

It's sad that so much pride and shame is tied up in it - the last thing sensitive new mums need is a hill to die on. That's not healthy and could have gone the other way. But I'm glad it's worked out for you.

What I think is detrimental is the push to breastfeed which puts pressure on women. I hope things have changed, but 16 years ago at antenatal classes we were told about breastfeeding, but had to stay behind after class if we wanted info on bottle feeding. I was naive and hungry (classes were straight after work) so I didn't. Only later did I realise I was lucky but stupid not to get all the facts about both.

What should be done is explain pros and cons of both, and what you need to know about (including potential problems) and let women do what works best for their family.

Everyone is different...

For me, I liked not having to faff with bottles etc. I also liked the perfect excuse to disappear from family gatherings, especially when MIL was being a bit overbearing. I used to remain out of the way longer than necessary for some down time.

For others the above could be seen as not being able to share the load of feeding, and being excluded from family time when they want to join in. Neither is right, it is just that people are different.

Yes! Honestly, so much judgement and debate, and at the end of the day, it means very little.

I had 4 c sections and often was given pity looks for 'not giving birth properly'. But I BF all four, successfully for a minimum of 6 months, maximum of 3 years, depending on the DC. I also loved it, despite thinking I would not at the beginning. Some DC were easier than others, one was very hard work and it took us 5 weeks to establish (if he had been my first, and I had lacked support and confidence, he would have been bottle fed, and I would have felt no shame about that either).

Everyone's journey is different.

We should all be supporting each other, and helping to make sure our babies thrive.

I have ebf-d 4 babies from birth to 12-18 months and think breastfeeding is the most amazing thing ever. Beside food irs a source of comfort, boosts immune system, cure for teething pains, baby unsettled? Give a boob sleep guaranteed in no time, feeding through sickness when baby has a fever so no need to use ibuprofen or paracetamol as much or none at all etc.

Best combo- cosleeping and breastfeeding, i wake up enough to lift the shirt etc baby feeds quickly back to sleep and we nod off again. Cant imagine having to get up to measure powder heat water wash bottles etc :oI

I do think one of the problems with bf is that it breeds a very strong attachment to just one parent. My little one is lovely, but has woken every night (he’s 3.5) and every night insists on me. I’d love it if just one night he’d insist on his dad. I’m so exhausted I really struggle at work some days, and my own sleep pattern is shot to pieces (hence phone at 5:30!). Maybe that’s why the gender pay gap is so big. Exhausted mothers.

I agree with this. I visited DH's family recently (Asia). His niece has recently had a baby. She is surrounded by helpful aunties, cousins, siblings. Doesn't have to lift a finger, just rest, relax and feed baby. Baby is a happy, sociable little soul who is loved and cuddled all the time. Niece is very well rested. No cooking or shopping or cleaning. Such a far cry from the exhaustion and stress so many new mums face here. They all live in one building, all the older adults help with the little ones.