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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That breastfeeding is detrimental to maternal mental health?

265 replies

Chiikichik · 14/02/2023 14:03

Before I start - I EBF both my children for the first 6 months of my life. Both took to it really well, but second time around the sheer relentless of it made me feel suicidal. Moving them on to the bottle was the best thing for us at the time.

There is always slot of discussion around how women are effected when they can’t establish BF through lack of support etc but not really for those of us who do establish but just don’t really enjoy it? Or just can’t cope with the absolutely bloody relentlessness of it?

OP posts:
Leopardprintisaneutral · 14/02/2023 16:25

It's different for everyone, and mothers can have totally different experiences with each child. There's lots of information about breastfeeding given to women during pregnancy, but we aren't always told that, while it's natural, this doesn't mean that it's easy for everyone, or that there are many reasons why it might not be successful for everyone who wants to breastfeed. I have a friend who tandem fed until the eldest was almost four, friends who stuck it out for 6-12 months, and other friends who got through by pumping or mixed feeding. Lots of people opt for formula because they can't or don't want to breastfeed. We all know that human milk is the best food that you can give your baby, but we shouldn't be made to feel guilt or shame if that isn't possible. A baby deserves a healthy, happy mother.

Tessisme · 14/02/2023 16:32

Before I start - I EBF both my children for the first 6 months of my life.

You started early OP😃 ... sorry couldn't resist!

I breastfed both my babies and it went pretty well for me, more so with DS1 than DS2. I was exhausted and hollowed out. But I honestly don't know if it was the breastfeeding or simply being the mother of a tiny infant. DP and I laugh at a couple of photos from when DS1 was a newborn. DP is holding him and in the background it looks as though a tornado has swept through the house. Such a tiny human. Such a big, fat mess!!

EllieM27 · 14/02/2023 16:36

You’re not wrong. Years ago in the US apparently their big national women’s organisation (can never remember the acronym, sorry) strongly urged the American paediatrics association not to come out so firmly in favor of breastfeeding because of the detrimental impact they felt it would have on women. They didn’t think that the proven benefits were enough to justify the impact to women’s careers and relationships as a result of breastfeeding, and I read that they even stated that it could potentially hold women back in the workplace etc.

Their pleas fell on deaf ears but it does make you wonder. It seems like more women in the US stay home for years or permanently both because of the higher incomes there and the stronger protections surrounding child maintenance and divorce, but still.

CmonYouKnow · 14/02/2023 16:39

Just because you feel like that doesn’t mean everyone will? I would find it much more relentless washing, sterilising and making up
bottles everyday.

cptartapp · 14/02/2023 16:41

I fed with no problems for 3 months, but felt 100% better each time when I chose to stop. Largely because I got a physical and psychological break from the baby and we all slept much better.

endofthelinefinally · 14/02/2023 16:47

I think the method of feeding matters far less than whether a new mum has any support/help/encouragement from anyone during the early months/years. Looking after a child under 2 is hard, relentless work and having a bit of help and support makes a huge difference.
I didn't have any support and for me, being able to feed my baby instantly without the extra work of washing, sterilising and making up bottles was a positive bonus of breast feeding. Everyone's experience is different.

Incywincyspidey · 14/02/2023 16:54

Yes in a nutshell, I think it is.

Many will disagree with me but I don’t know anyone that has had a good experience BFing even when they had 0 issues. My friends that breastfed all complained their babies didn’t have a great bond with the father and that the onus was on the mother so much more. Suffocating I think one put it.

MN is very pro breastfeeding though and won’t hear of the negatives a lot of the time. But there really ARE negatives and I think women should be made aware of them before making an informed choice, because the NHS certainly won’t make expectant mums aware of them that’s for sure.

MrsMullerBecameABaby · 14/02/2023 16:56

CmonYouKnow · 14/02/2023 16:39

Just because you feel like that doesn’t mean everyone will? I would find it much more relentless washing, sterilising and making up
bottles everyday.

This

YABU because you framed this as universal.

It's not dissimilar to arguing that being in a sexual relationship is good for mental health full stop. Or that being in a sexual relationship is bad for mental health full stop.

Few things are so uncomplicated and universal.

No woman should be pressed to breastfeed BUT equally no woman should be pressured not to.

Just as no woman should be pressured to be in a sexual relationship or not to be in one on some kind of principal that it's Good or Bad for everyone to be in a relationship...

I found breastfeeding easier than making up bottles with a potentially crying baby or having a think about the logistics of bottle feeding when out or away from home. Breastfed babies are easier to get out of the house with and getting out of the house is arguably very good indeed for anyone's mental health, particularly new mothers who might be feeling isolated...

My mil tried to convince me that I was harming my babies and being incompetent because I breastfed past 6 weeks - she argued that I couldn't know how much milk they were getting and was therefore not feeding them properly. They all thrived on breast milk and put on weight as they should have, wet and dirty nappies and alert etc . She also thought breast feeding was selfish, which I think was more to the point (very young babies who haven't been introduced to bottles don't get left overnight without their mothers ...)

WhatNoRaisins · 14/02/2023 16:57

I get how having practical support must make a difference. If you don't have a grandparent or someone who can take baby for a period of time and give them a bottle while you do something else there's not as much of a benefit to bottlefeeding. If you're doing it all yourself anyway well established breastfeeding is less work.

greenspaces4peace · 14/02/2023 16:59

it's not breastfeeding that is detrimental to maternal mental health it's having children period in this social age with little to no family support.
bf or not isn't the biggest impact.

Theresahippopotamusonourroofeatingcake · 14/02/2023 17:11

I had postpartum health anxiety related to germs with my first, I couldn't contemplate a bottle because of all the potential for contamination(not saying it's reasonable!).

My second wasn't putting on weight so top up formula feeds were suggested which caused me to have a mini breakdown as it flared up the anxiety from before even though I was much better. We did do the top ups because my husband is a stickler for reading the instructions so I came round to trusting him with the sterilising process.

Breastfeeding caused me zero mental health problems but formula feeding did. I don't think you can make sweeping statements based on your experience.

namechangetheworld · 14/02/2023 17:12

I actually think there's a lot more support available for breastfeeding than bottle feeding. No one would tell me how much I should be feeding my son even though he was premature. I asked for advice on bottles, teats etc with no help. I was given lots of resources on breastfeeding though

Agreed.As a young Mum I sat crying in the midwife's office over struggling to bottle feed and she point blank refused to give any advice as she "wasn't allowed." With huge posters about breastfeeding cafes plastered on the wall behind her and breastfeeding support leaflets on her desk. Unhelpful cow.

youshouldnthaveasked · 14/02/2023 17:14

Yes. It affected mine

NotMyDayJob · 14/02/2023 17:17

EllieM27 · 14/02/2023 16:36

You’re not wrong. Years ago in the US apparently their big national women’s organisation (can never remember the acronym, sorry) strongly urged the American paediatrics association not to come out so firmly in favor of breastfeeding because of the detrimental impact they felt it would have on women. They didn’t think that the proven benefits were enough to justify the impact to women’s careers and relationships as a result of breastfeeding, and I read that they even stated that it could potentially hold women back in the workplace etc.

Their pleas fell on deaf ears but it does make you wonder. It seems like more women in the US stay home for years or permanently both because of the higher incomes there and the stronger protections surrounding child maintenance and divorce, but still.

No it's because they get such poor maternity leave. I mean obviously that's not the only reason, but if you had the choice between staying with your baby and going back to work when they were about six weeks old what would you do. And the higher incomes are relative to the cost of living.

LuckyDipForTheEuro · 14/02/2023 17:19

Everyone is different! I had DMER which is where the let down prompts absolutely awful changes in mood - I used to spend every feed feeling bleak at best and almost suicidal at times so I am inclined to agree! And pumping so much to get naff all out - so much pain! Of course my own experience is different to many others who have found it much easier or enjoyable. It's worth googling DMER if your mood crashes after lockdown, it's not a terribly well known thing. Unfortunately there's not much you can do about it but it was helpful to know it was a physical/hormone thing not my life actually being bleak if that makes sense.

namechangetheworld · 14/02/2023 17:19

WhatNoRaisins · 14/02/2023 16:57

I get how having practical support must make a difference. If you don't have a grandparent or someone who can take baby for a period of time and give them a bottle while you do something else there's not as much of a benefit to bottlefeeding. If you're doing it all yourself anyway well established breastfeeding is less work.

But isn't it a fact that bottle fed children generally sleep for longer stretches of time? My bottle fed children only woke once a night from a few weeks after birth. Almost all of my breastfeeding friends and relatives have stories of being woken every two to three hours, if not more. I was completely put off the idea of breastfeeding when my sleep deprived cousin fell asleep feeding her newborn in bed for the fifth time that night and he fell out of her arms and straight onto the (carpeted) floor!

LuckyDipForTheEuro · 14/02/2023 17:20

That should read "let down" not "lockdown" although tbh I think everyone's mood crashed after lockdown!!! 😂

riotlady · 14/02/2023 17:20

It certainly had a negative impact on mine, but obviously not the case for everyone. I’m pregnant with my second now and won’t even attempt it this time, im going straight to bottle feeding. Not worth the gamble with my mental state

toomuchlaundry · 14/02/2023 17:26

My breast fed baby was sleeping 6/7 hours straight at night without a feed at about 3 months. We were soon in a reasonable routine with feeds during the day so similar to a FF baby. Not sure whether this was very unusual for BF baby, but suited both of us.

Turned out he was allergic to dairy for first couple of years and refused to drink the special formula we were given when started weaning him so had to carry on breast feeding longer than I had originally intended

Mariposista · 14/02/2023 17:28

The stigma around choosing directly not to breastfeed needs eliminating. I handed my 4 day old kid over to MIL in a cafe as she was crying and asked if she wanted to feed her (this literally made her year) and the woman at the next table asked 'aren't you BF?' I said no, and the CF asked me why not!!! I was very blunt and said because it's not for me thanks. And that is reason enough. Happy baby = fed baby. Happy mum = mum who gets some help.

Mariposista · 14/02/2023 17:29

riotlady · 14/02/2023 17:20

It certainly had a negative impact on mine, but obviously not the case for everyone. I’m pregnant with my second now and won’t even attempt it this time, im going straight to bottle feeding. Not worth the gamble with my mental state

Good for you! All the best with your new baby.

Swiftswatch · 14/02/2023 17:30

I personally found that to be the case for me.
BFing is very difficult in conjunction with modern life and it absolutely impacted my mental health negatively.

Quite a few of my friends who wouldn’t say BFing effected their mental health negatively specifically still admit they felt more free and overall happier after.

riotlady · 14/02/2023 17:34

Mariposista · 14/02/2023 17:29

Good for you! All the best with your new baby.

Show quote history

Thank you :)

angelikacpickles · 14/02/2023 17:35

I'm sure for some women, it does have a detrimental effect on their mental health. For me, I have never felt so much on an even keel as when I was breastfeeding, even though it didn't come easily and I had suffered with mental health issues previously.

TheKeatingFive · 14/02/2023 17:37

It wasn't for me. In fact it was very beneficial for my MH. I don't think this is an issue where it's good to generalise.