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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That breastfeeding is detrimental to maternal mental health?

265 replies

Chiikichik · 14/02/2023 14:03

Before I start - I EBF both my children for the first 6 months of my life. Both took to it really well, but second time around the sheer relentless of it made me feel suicidal. Moving them on to the bottle was the best thing for us at the time.

There is always slot of discussion around how women are effected when they can’t establish BF through lack of support etc but not really for those of us who do establish but just don’t really enjoy it? Or just can’t cope with the absolutely bloody relentlessness of it?

OP posts:
bakewellbride · 14/02/2023 18:52

Can you imagine the outcry if the thread title was the same but with 'formula feeding' instead of 'breastfeeding'?

Emmamoo89 · 14/02/2023 19:02

Breastfeeding was so hard in the beginning as my son had tongue tie. Just please they noticed and got it sorted. And was fine after. Absolutely love breastfeeding.

Emmamoo89 · 14/02/2023 19:03

ZebraPyjamas · 14/02/2023 17:48

I don’t understand this idea that you should “enjoy” breastfeeding, do people “enjoy” bottle feeding? “Enjoy” night feeds or changing nappies???? It’s just something you do and there’s no arguing around it it’s better for the baby and also better for mum, physically at least. I think if we stop trying to pitch breastfeeding as this magical glorious saintly thing then people wouldn’t feel like such failures when they struggle and find it hard!

I do enjoy breastfeeding. Not at the beginning but when tongue tie got sorted I did. I love it

Emmamoo89 · 14/02/2023 19:04

HedgeWitchy · 14/02/2023 18:47

I enjoyed it. It came quite easily. It was an excuse to lay around and cuddle without feeling pressured to do more. Nights it meant I didn’t have to leave my cold bed. It was a generally wonderful bond into toddlerhood.

I have no urge to force it on others or say everyone should… but I reckon there must be loads like me

I loved feeding on a night having a warm baba to cuddle in to 😅

Hatscats · 14/02/2023 19:07

Love 99% of it - 2 years 3 months in and 32 weeks pregnant!

I would have struggled mentally to formula feed as I didn’t want to!

Emmamoo89 · 14/02/2023 19:08

It's very rewarding

HeadNorth · 14/02/2023 19:10

It wasn’t detrimental to my mental health - I look back on the breastfeeding years with great fondness. Parenting a teen daughter when you’re menopausal - now that can fuck with your mental health 😝

Emmamoo89 · 14/02/2023 19:12

But yabu. Not had a bad impact on my mental health.

Siameasy · 14/02/2023 19:14

I would say breastfeeding within a western society is hard work. The values are conflicting. So much in our way of life undermines breastfeeding.

Eg: BF requires slow-society demands fast. BF needs you to stop caring about the housework and sit on your arse for 4 hours while the baby cluster feeds. Society says you’re a disgrace because your house is messy.

Non-breast feeders are an absolute nightmare with their so-called advice. I’d no more take advice on driving from a non-driver but the former, who is often projecting, feels entitled to comment.

HamBone · 14/02/2023 19:26

Of course it’s not detrimental to mental health, but for some of us it’s much easier and makes for a happier time not to.

Exactly, @TheyHadGrace . If your baby latches easily and feeds well, it’s wonderful. If they don’t, like my two, it’s a slog-but I don’t regret it. I still enjoyed the experience, I just wish they’d got the hang of it without the need for a lactation consultant, an electric pump
(although I needed that for work anyway), special bottles to train them to suck properly, the dreaded nipple shields, etc. 😂

pear6782 · 14/02/2023 19:28

I’m also one for ‘fed is best’. Breastfeeding has amazing benefits but formula feeding doesn’t mean your child will be constantly sick and have a lower IQ. For me, it made me feel so depressed. I felt I couldn’t go out. Was so happy when I stopped. I’m all for doing whatever is best for mum. And many many years later, I’m absolutely sure that it really doesn’t matter.

EmmaDilemma5 · 14/02/2023 19:29

Twentywisteria · 14/02/2023 14:09

A lot of things about having children are detrimental to maternal mental health.

Hence I don't want any.

This. I breastfed both kids for over two years. I didn't enjoy it but I did it because it's the most natural nutrition for them.

I know other mums who loved breastfeeding.

I know mum's who wished they could breastfeed and others who never wanted to.

We're all different and like - and dislike - different aspects of parenting.

Oigetoffmylawn · 14/02/2023 19:32

Studies show your wrong.

But I absolutely 100% agree with you. Breastfeed, the relentlessness of it and the sleep deprivation left me severely unwell.

lljkk · 14/02/2023 19:35

I know online is full of women who agonised & found baby feeding (milk diet phase) very stressful: but I think back in IRL, most women just get on with it. Do the best you can when you can & move on with whatever option is good enough at the time. Most people don't dwell on stuff.

ArabellaScott · 14/02/2023 19:36

KatyJ89 · 14/02/2023 18:52

I don't think it's breastfeeding as such. I think it's just the way western cultures live now. We have no real practical support, there's no village. There's nobody holding the baby while we nap, making food while we feed the baby, nobody helping clean, etc, etc. I think if we lived like that still then it may be different. Formula wouldnt make a difference to how soul destroying lonely my life is ATM (cheery I know lol)

I'm sorry to hear you're lonely! It can be like that. Up until I got into the merry go round of toddler groups and mother-and-baby meet ups it was lonely. Are there things like that round you?

JimHensonWasAGenius · 14/02/2023 19:37

It was for me.

I HATED it, couldn't do it and was made to feel guilty because of that.

DS went straight on to formula and is now a strapping almost 18 year old, no detriment to his health whatsoever.

Me however, still feel an utter failure.

gettingalifttothestation · 14/02/2023 19:38

For some mothers yes it is is bad for their mh. The constant feeding and lack of sleep is awful. The baby pretty much uses the boob for a dummy

RedToothBrush · 14/02/2023 19:40

Breast feeding isn't bad for mental health.

The ideological push to breast feed at all cost or without appropriate support is damaging to health. But that's not breastfeeding itself

ethermint · 14/02/2023 19:43

@RedToothBrush I suffered from something called DMER, which means BFing messes with your happy hormones on letdown taking you to a dark place - so in some cases, yes it can be bad for MH. Have a google if you're not sure what it is.

Anna783426 · 14/02/2023 19:43

Siameasy · 14/02/2023 19:14

I would say breastfeeding within a western society is hard work. The values are conflicting. So much in our way of life undermines breastfeeding.

Eg: BF requires slow-society demands fast. BF needs you to stop caring about the housework and sit on your arse for 4 hours while the baby cluster feeds. Society says you’re a disgrace because your house is messy.

Non-breast feeders are an absolute nightmare with their so-called advice. I’d no more take advice on driving from a non-driver but the former, who is often projecting, feels entitled to comment.

This, but with both breast and bottle really. Looking after a baby is full time and full on, but we're set up to kill ourselves trying to keep all those plates spinning. I think we tend to forget quite quickly the relentlessness of the early months, hence a lot of well meaning and entirely useless advice. The only thing that would have helped me would be someone to cook, clean and do the washing etc whilst I was breastfeeding.

Wallywobbles · 14/02/2023 19:44

It was terrible for my MH. Particularly as DD1 wasn't good at it. And my god, the pain.

Barbie222 · 14/02/2023 19:52

For some people, it definitely is, however for me I found it much easier and less stressful than using bottles.

Oigetoffmylawn · 14/02/2023 19:54

ethermint · 14/02/2023 19:43

@RedToothBrush I suffered from something called DMER, which means BFing messes with your happy hormones on letdown taking you to a dark place - so in some cases, yes it can be bad for MH. Have a google if you're not sure what it is.

Me too. Nursing aversion. Was absolutely the breastfeeding that fucked with my MH. Especially as DC1 could not be comforted by anything or anyone else and fed almost constantly.

Idlikeasize8please · 14/02/2023 19:55

I think just having a baby is detrimental to your mental health.

For me breastfeeding helped. It was easy. I was told once that I was one of those lazy mothers, who breastfed to sleep, fed them if they were crying etc. I worried about this at the time but I wished I hadn't. It's super handy! They are Independant, mellow, confident teenagers now.

I had 3 babies in close succession. I think bottles, sterilising and getting up to make up bottles in the night would have been too much for me.

LindorDoubleChoc · 14/02/2023 20:00

Idlikeasize8please · 14/02/2023 19:55

I think just having a baby is detrimental to your mental health.

For me breastfeeding helped. It was easy. I was told once that I was one of those lazy mothers, who breastfed to sleep, fed them if they were crying etc. I worried about this at the time but I wished I hadn't. It's super handy! They are Independant, mellow, confident teenagers now.

I had 3 babies in close succession. I think bottles, sterilising and getting up to make up bottles in the night would have been too much for me.

Why did you have 3 babies in quick succession if it was detrimental to your mental health?