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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That breastfeeding is detrimental to maternal mental health?

265 replies

Chiikichik · 14/02/2023 14:03

Before I start - I EBF both my children for the first 6 months of my life. Both took to it really well, but second time around the sheer relentless of it made me feel suicidal. Moving them on to the bottle was the best thing for us at the time.

There is always slot of discussion around how women are effected when they can’t establish BF through lack of support etc but not really for those of us who do establish but just don’t really enjoy it? Or just can’t cope with the absolutely bloody relentlessness of it?

OP posts:
Rainydayparade · 14/02/2023 14:07

I was in this position, I managed 5 weeks the mastitis turned into an abscess (3 weeks into first lockdown so no support/ability to see doctor easily) and lead to a hospital stay and complications.

I wish I had followed my gut and gone to bottle sooner. Mentally I was in a much stronger position when I stopped. Obviously works great for some but not for me.

DelurkingAJ · 14/02/2023 14:09

This is why fed is best!

However, I was one of the lucky ones. DSs fed rapidly (10 minute feeds), easily, I had no issues and fed both to 2. My experience is just as likely as an awful one so we need balance (with lots of acknowledgment that luck is the main factor!).

Twentywisteria · 14/02/2023 14:09

A lot of things about having children are detrimental to maternal mental health.

Hence I don't want any.

Darkstar4855 · 14/02/2023 14:11

I’ve seen plenty of discussion about that on here. Pretty much any thread where a mum posts about struggling with breastfeeding and/or sleep problems, she gets a deluge of responses advising her to stop breastfeeding as it’s the best thing the responder ever did and will make her feel a million times better and her baby will sleep better, and saying how breastfeeding is awful and horrible and hard.

Dinkleberg · 14/02/2023 14:12

I think a big problem

dizzydizzydizzy · 14/02/2023 14:13

I think having a baby, no matter what you do,
Is relentless hard work. I personallly liked breastfeeding . In fact, I felt proud of it, so I would say it was good for my mental wellbeing. We are all different.

Skinnermarink · 14/02/2023 14:13

I was very upset at the thought of ‘giving up’ breastfeeding on day 5 but by that point my breasts were open sores and I felt a pit of dread in my stomach every time my baby made any sign he might be hungry. Which could be every 20 minutes. I still expressed for him until week 12 but my supply was never great, and all the time I could have been sleeping or doing anything for myself I was attached to the pump like a Holstein-Friesian. One day I got the flu and the little milk I had just dried up. It was a blessed relief.

Dinkleberg · 14/02/2023 14:13

Oops pressed send too soon. Anyway... I think a big problem is a woeful lack of BFing support. We're always told breast is best when we're pregnant, but once baby is born we're pretty much left to it.

MonkeyPuddle · 14/02/2023 14:14

Almost destroyed me with my first child and was utterly liberating and joyous with my second. Completely different experiences.

whitebreadjamsandwich · 14/02/2023 14:14

Successful breastfeeding was a saviour to me....my adhd would 100% have made formula feeding very difficult

FourAndTwentyBlackbirdsBakedInAPie · 14/02/2023 14:15

I breastfed all mine, I was lucky to find it easy.

However I developed gallstones during pregnancy with one of mine, after 4 months breastfeeding, and being in so much pain I passed out more than once, the being put on some pretty heavy duty medication, I told my HV I was stopping as I felt it was dangerous, both due to me passing out, and due to the meds.

My HV called me selfish, and told me I was putting my wants ahead of my baby's needs. Then she had looked up my meds, and said continuing to BF shouldn't harm my baby, but may make her lethargic.

At that point I was a confident breastfeeder, an experienced parent, and was happy to continue had it not been for my health, but that HV made me feel awful, like the most selfish piece of shit ever to walk the planet.

There should be support, if needed, but there shouldn't be pressure.

Vallmo47 · 14/02/2023 14:15

This can’t be pinpointed to just breastfeeding. You constantly feel judged as a parent, no matter what you do, that’s my experience. Mental health can suffer for a massive number of reasons obviously. Mine suffered because I didn’t breastfeed the first time around (felt judged by professionals) and the second because family didn’t want me to breastfeed and made me feel like I was making them “lose out” on bonding time. You just can’t win.

Scottishskifun · 14/02/2023 14:16

The research points to the opposite that mothers are less likely to suffer PND if they breastfeed.
But obviously this isn't everyone's experience and I'm a believer in doing what's best for mum.

For some women that will be breastfeeding for others it's not both are perfectly acceptable as long as mother is happy.

Dinkleberg · 14/02/2023 14:16

I had two completely different experiences with my two DC. My first, I really struggled, completely hated it and gave up after six weeks because I was developing PND. My second? We're 8 months into BFing and it's been smooth sailing and a lovely experience. So two journeys can be completely different even with the same mother.

NotMyDayJob · 14/02/2023 14:16

I think absolutist statements are detrimental to maternal mental health.

Breastfeeding has been absolutely essential to my wellbeing (and I didn't have an easy ride to start either time) but do I think that means everyone should breastfeed? Of course not. I just get a bit sad when women who want to feed don't get good support.

Flamingogirl08 · 14/02/2023 14:16

I was in hospital for a week after having mine because we both had a bad infection and both needed IV antibiotics. I knew I was going to bottle feed and didn't attempt breastfeeding. I did have a slight feeling of guilt like maybe I should breastfeed however that quickly went away listening to the poor breastfeeding women around me crying their eyes out. Now this is not to say everybody has that experience, that's just what I witnessed in the hospital. Also 3 friends of mine totally hated the first 3 months of their babies lives as they found breastfeeding so hard, this influenced my decision and I really enjoyed the early months and sharing the load with my husband.

ComfortablyDazed · 14/02/2023 14:17

Well, if it is bad for mental health, it’s not that much of a concern, since women overwhelmingly formula feed. At least, in the UK.

When you come on a forum like MN, you will be persuaded to give up breastfeeding, not to continue.

3WildOnes · 14/02/2023 14:17

I really enjoyed breastfeeding and all of mine were breastfed for between 11 and 30 months. However, mine were mix fed from a few days old. This meant I did get a break from it and it wasn't all on me.

SilentNightDancer · 14/02/2023 14:17

Thought I would find breastfeeding terribly hard. Assumed I would try and fail.

Loved it. Still doing it a bit at 16 months.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 14/02/2023 14:17

whitebreadjamsandwich · 14/02/2023 14:14

Successful breastfeeding was a saviour to me....my adhd would 100% have made formula feeding very difficult

That's very interesting. I have adhd and I know that I'd have really struggled with formula feeding, but I had never connected the two.

OP, I think you're wrong to say that breastfeeding is detrimental to maternal mental health because that clearly isn't the case for many people. Tbh, I think it saved my sanity in that first year. However, yanbu to say that it can be detrimental because that is obviously your experience and one that others may share.

Original poster
Chiikichik · 14/02/2023 14:18

But no support is going to help you when your baby six months in wants to feed 2-3 hours at night? So it’s all very well saying supported is best (which of course helps) but what about when it just becomes physically impossible to continue?

OP posts:
FernsAndFlowers · 14/02/2023 14:19

I struggled both times and second time around got awful mastitis at the 1yr point, just as I was thinking about giving up.

a few months later I discovered the mastitis had been caused by a cancerous tumour. A few years down the line I’m ok but my memories of BF are now mixed in with revulsion and horror at what happened afterwards.

it’s not something I discuss much as sounds like an awful scare story and not really what people want to hear

tenthousandmaniacs · 14/02/2023 14:20

Chiikichik · 14/02/2023 14:03

Before I start - I EBF both my children for the first 6 months of my life. Both took to it really well, but second time around the sheer relentless of it made me feel suicidal. Moving them on to the bottle was the best thing for us at the time.

There is always slot of discussion around how women are effected when they can’t establish BF through lack of support etc but not really for those of us who do establish but just don’t really enjoy it? Or just can’t cope with the absolutely bloody relentlessness of it?

A friend of mine declined to breastfeed from day 1 - hospital staff were completely supportive and didn’t even question it. No one (friends or family) would dare to object to it.

Don’t blame others for your inability to say “no”. You could have made a decision way before you felt suicidal.

some will criticise me but that’s it- that’s life and the sooner you stop blaming others, waiting to be saved by someone else, supported to ease the burden of your own decisions and take responsibility for your feelings the better

BigMadAdrian · 14/02/2023 14:20

I loved breastfeeding - it was one of the best and most rewarding things I have ever done - but it is excruciatingly difficult at the start. I do think that some of the difficulties we have with it have been socialised into us - we have expectations of carrying on with our lives more or less as they were before, but with a baby in tow.

Babdoc · 14/02/2023 14:22

I had to bottle feed due to breast hypoplasia and no supply, which was very handy as I went back to work at 4 months post partum. It meant DH could take turns with night feeds, the child minder could simply give bottles as required, and we all got a good night’s sleep from eight weeks onwards, as DD slept through til 6am after her bottle.
I had been thoroughly miserable while struggling to breast feed with virtually no milk, and seeing DD losing weight failing to thrive. Bottle feeding was transformative for both of us.