That breastfeeding is detrimental to maternal mental health?

[Chiikichik]

Before I start - I EBF both my children for the first 6 months of my life. Both took to it really well, but second time around the sheer relentless of it made me feel suicidal. Moving them on to the bottle was the best thing for us at the time.

There is always slot of discussion around how women are effected when they can’t establish BF through lack of support etc but not really for those of us who do establish but just don’t really enjoy it? Or just can’t cope with the absolutely bloody relentlessness of it?

For me, better support would have been the midwife or doctor checking for a tongue tie before we left the hospital, and snipping it there and then, like they do in France and other countries.

I completely disagree. Bullshit. I found it hard to start with, needed help, enjoyed it. But any such blanket statement is nonsense. Suicidal? Presumably you spoke to your GP or HV? If you don't enjoy something and it's not working, stop. Same rule for any part of parenting. To make such a statement and put other mums off breastfeeding is damaging. For all parenting issues, the well-being of mum and child comes first. Maybe you should refrain from making such broad statements.

This gives an idea of how many babies and mothers suffer because tongue ties aren't part of the routine checks chng.it/6KDWDD9KB4

Many of the problems experienced by women in relation to breastfeeding are caused by a lack of resources, support and preparation. Those ought to be addressed on a wider level, rather than encouraging women to give artificial feeds.

They probably would be if there wasn't a lot of money involved in selling milk replacements.

The problem people have today is that they aren't willing to learn the lessons their bodies are teaching them. Breastfeeding is beautiful. It is a privilege to be able to do it. Motherhood isn't easy and it isnt meant to be squeezed in around a 9 to 5 job. You need to surrender to the process to reap the rewards, which are infinite

It isn't detrimental to every mother's mental health. Once established, I loved it.

I struggled with other things. I think each mum has a different experience and we just need to be generally supportive of the fact that, one way or another, motherhood is hard work.

Definitely agree about tongue ties!
It was night and day between feeding DS1 and DS2 (1st had a tongue tie). Thankfully his was picked up and due to neonatal stay was cut on day 5 (the earliest they would do it).
But he had reattachment at 4 months took til 9 months for surgery. It didn't just affect bf he struggled with weaning due to not being able to move food around his mouth.

This is so bloody damaging! What a crock of shit.

I agree
I struggled with poor sleep in all my babies which everyone loved to tell me was much worse because I BF but I felt so proud of the start I was giving them and I loved the experience of being responsible for them in that way so I accepted the sleep (not that it is definitely the cause of bad sleep anyway). I fed them all until they self weaned around 2 or 2.5

Mums and Dads can find all sorts of aspects of parenting hard. Not sure why feeding carries so much interest.

I think lots of things about having a new baby is tough! I couldn’t BF due to a rare complication and was very upset, also partner did no night feeds ever so it didn’t help at all, and one baby didn’t sleep through for two years! So bf would have been much better for me. I find mumsnet posters often very quick to advice giving up though

You are completely and utterly unreasonable to generalise like this based only on your experience. Doesn’t fit my experience whatsoever.
You are not unreasonable to say your experience was that breastfeeding was detrimental to your mental health, and to wonder if this is the case for other mothers and what sort of proportion of mothers feel this way.

I had very poor mental health with DD1 who was exclusively on formula by 6 weeks but good mental health with DD2 who was ebf by 6 weeks.

I think there are so many other variables to consider.

Yabu. I loved the closeness of breastfeeding , it made me feel happy. But I wasn't a martyr and my babies were put down to sleep and play and not attached to me 24/7.

I think what we actually should be saying is that the experience of breastfeeding is completely different for every single mother. I actually loved breastfeeding and I know that for me, it would have been harder to bottle feed. But some people hate it or struggle with it and that’s ok. But too often, people who sing the praises of breastfeeding are torn down because it hurts the feelings of people who didn’t. We are all entitled to our own experiences and feelings and no one persons is more important than anyone else’s. If you breastfeed you should be damn proud of it because it isn’t always easy. But saying that is not shaming those who don’t do it.

Never thought of this before but I'm sure you're not the only person to feel like this.

For me personally, breastfeeding saved my bond between my first and I, and thus was beneficial to my mental health. DS screamed every day all day until 14 weeks and I honestly credit breastfeeding with the only way I was able to establish my bond with him in those first weeks as breastfeeding and sleeping were the only times he wasn't crying.

YABVU. Despite finding it initially painful and hard work (mastitis 1 baby, tears in nipples 2nd baby teething) breastfeeding really, truly balanced my hormones and mood. I bf for 4 years in total, I think it has been the calmest, most relaxed period of my life so far.

Perhaps in some cases OP, but not in all. I struggled to conceive and breastfeeding really helped me reconcile the emotions that come from that, struggling ttc once again and I'm so grateful that I had both the opportunity and a positive experience.

What a load of bollocks.

It's the luck of the draw. It isn't some privilege bestowed upon mothers who have sufficient martyred themselves, it's a lottery. Some women simply cannot feed. Some babies simply cannot latch. It's no bloody wonder women beat themselves up when they read this sort of tripe.

It's honestly okay which ever way you or your baby chooses to feed/be fed. For me it was combination feeding that worked best because after EBF for 3 days after birth and living off 4 solid hours of sleep over 3 days I quickly realised I wouldn't cope if it carried on so I introduced a formula feed right before bedtime which gave me 3/4 hour blocks of sleep right away! Iv now got to the point where the formula has increased and I only BF once a day and my baby sleeps through the night most nights! She is full and happy and I really got to enjoy BF more in the beginning because I was getting a decent enough amount of sleep and baby was also satisfied from BF and formula feeding. It's still tiring day to day but could of been a lot worse if I hadn't taken measures to make sure myself and the baby were both well fed and well slept. Whatever works best for you is what is right 🙏

I choose to bottle feed from birth. Ds slept all night from 5 weeks. My mental health was still in tatters so not sure breast feeding changes anything really.

Different women have different experiences with breastfeeding but one thing I have noticed in past online communities I've been in, was the way, when women said they were struggling and thinking of stopping, how other women would jump in with increasingly burdensome ways to continue breastfeeding, including "solutions" that eliminated what little sleep the exhausted mother was already getting, so that the mother could nurse for hours at a time and then pump between feeds, and even quitting work so as to pump on a 24 hour schedule. I think breastfeeding has many advantages but placing pressure on exhausted mothers is not good I think. Ultimately as someone pointed out upthread, a fed baby is best. The relationship between the mother and baby is also important and the mother's mental and physical health also counts.

Bottle fed one, ebf another (actually bf her until she was 2.5) and pumped for 3rd DC (who was diagnosed with a rare genetic condition at birth and was tube fed until she was 1)

I've done what was best for myself and that particular baby in each situation. I'd never, ever, ever make judgement on another woman's choice.

Some utter cunt made a remark about me not feeding my "tubie" breast milk as it may help her progress (so breast milk cures rare genetic conditions folks!!) as she saw me decanting breast milk to do a bolus feed. I am pretty sure my response ensured she didn't make any more ignorant comments to poor mothers who have to feed their babies via a tube down their nose.

Breastfeeding was terrible for me. It put the whole burden of childcare on me. Nobody else could feed the baby. I couldn’t sleep for 8 hours even if someone else was babysitting because my boobs filled up and needed emptying. And it permanently disfigured my breasts which has caused lifelong problems with self esteem, I’ve had to remove mirrors from my bedroom because it upsets me to see my breasts naked. I wish I’d never done it, and had never been pushed to do it.

It’s interesting because I do think I personally would have had more of a life outside of my children if they had taken a bottle - both flat out refused anything but breast so I couldn’t even pump and give them my milk in a bottle, let alone formula. However, I reasoned it was for a finite period of time, it was the best thing for them, and that they were / are my priority now so my feelings come second. It was worth it to give them the best possible start.
I don’t regret exclusively breastfeeding DC, even though it was mentally and physically tough at the time.

I did it for 18 months and whilst I don’t regret it, it definitely sent me crazy! He wouldn’t take a bottle for about 8 months so it was all on my 24/7 and it was exhausting! I was permanently tired and at 4.5 he still doesn’t sleep well and I’m sure it’s that!! So yes I agree it definitely was detrimental to my mental health but probably helped my healing time physically etc!