That breastfeeding is detrimental to maternal mental health?

[Chiikichik]

Before I start - I EBF both my children for the first 6 months of my life. Both took to it really well, but second time around the sheer relentless of it made me feel suicidal. Moving them on to the bottle was the best thing for us at the time.

There is always slot of discussion around how women are effected when they can’t establish BF through lack of support etc but not really for those of us who do establish but just don’t really enjoy it? Or just can’t cope with the absolutely bloody relentlessness of it?

I agree @Chiikichik

For full disclosure, I breastfed and found it the easiest thing in the world, I never had pain or upset or anything.

But I will fight to the death for the woman who is so upset and tired but feels she has to carry on breastfeeding for the good of the child. Stopping breastfeeding doesn't have a negative effect on your child, but carrying on might have devastating effects for you. A mother is as important as her child.

Breastfeeding support shouldn't just be alternative ways to do it. It should be someone who can gently say, you're bleeding, you're upset, you just don't want to do it anymore - you don't need permission but please don't carry on to the detriment of your mental health.

Ditto. I had problems with first child, mastitis, undiagnosed tongue tie, top ups, a lot of pain...but I'm proud to have carried on and fed him until the morning my second was born 3.5 years later. I feel I would've had MH problems if I gave up. Bf often takes a lot if determination but worth it in my eyes.

Second baby was a doddle to feed and I was grateful for the handiness of it all. No pumping or bottles this time around.

I do wish I had known that the odd bottle of formula wouldn't irreparably damage my child. I EBF for the first 14 weeks and I was exhausted. He fed CONSTANTLY 12/14 hrs a day on me, min about 8ish. I had given him some expressed bottle buts that mean I had to express.

My GP diagnosed me with PND and said to stop breastfeeding. That made things way worse because I missed him. But I soon found my happy balance which was mostly BF with a bottle (given by DH) in the evening if I wanted a break.

Some 'support' groups made me feel like I would destroy my supply if I pumped and that I shouldn't even consider formula.

Breastfeeding is not the problem, it's lack of support for new mums. My DM said that you were in hospital for a week after having a baby in the 70s, lots of time to ensure you were established feeding and starting to feel yourself again. Now it's home asap to free up a bed. I went home without being able to feed my dd. No one cared or answered my requests for help. I don't have family nearby so I was on my own trying to learn this whole new world. I wouldn't have got through it without Facebook groups to be honest!

I think the stats actually suggest that breastfeeding women have lower rates of things like post natal depression. So there is evidence to the opposite of what you're suggesting but obviously that's trends and not individual cases. But perhaps this is because those that want to but can't (for any number of reasons) then struggle with their mental health. And if support and normalising how bloody hard it is was more common then women wouldn't feel like a failure if things don't go swimmingly.

I do remember someone asking me when my baby was tiny and needing to be fed and held constantly - would it be any different with a bottle? Babies are hard however they are fed. They still need constant attention. It's still relentless. Maybe we need to just be more supportive of mums/families overall.

No, I don't think so.
I had post partum psychosis and wanted my old life back when DD was born. Breastfeeding her was my way of bonding with her. She did feed for hours at night and it was very tough, but I'm so glad I saw it through.
I didn't feed her exclusively for that long though , 4 months.

I 100% wouldn't have managed to keep on top of the purchasing, cleaning and prep - I could never forget my boobs!

I guess it's easy to say this when you're not trying to feed a fractious baby that just wants to sleep; or when you have bleeding nipples and recurring mastitis, and everyone around is saying 'just carry on, it's the best thing for your baby.'

You have a point.
I don't recognise myself anymore.
I love my children but I've lost who I used to be. I think I'm probably a stronger and nicer person but I get hardly any time to myself. I don't judge anyone for saying no this isn't for me.

This.

I was very lucky to get some good support. I would not have succeeded without it.

Pressed post too early.
When I say nicer. I mean that personally for me, I have to think about other people's needs. I used to be a bit selfish (me personally). It isn't meant to say those who choose not to have kids aren't nice 🙈

Breastfeeding helped me bond - and was less stressful that having clean bottles, formula etc, so definitely not damaging to my mental health.

Looking after a new born is relentless- and harder when you have a toddler too, so I'm not sure how much breastfeeding can be held responsible.

We all know that breastfeeding is best for both baby and mother, but it's not life and death, so if you want to stop, then stop. Most British women do.

Both of mine had difficulty latching and I had to pump and use a special bottle to help them master it. As a result, feedings took twice as long as they should’ve and it was exhausting!

I don’t regret doing it, but no one should feel that they have to.

Breastfeeding absolutely broke me mentally.

Yes it can be if the baby isnt gaining weight or is being sick.Sore nipples and so on. I think if it's a huge struggle bottle is a better option.

I was conditioned by the breastfeeding gestapo and the bullies who call themselves peer supporters to believe I had to breastfeed. And because my supply was crap that I also had to pump every 3 hours round the clock. I was bloody exhausted trying to fit that in and get on with being a new mum.

I stopped cold turkey after a few days of that nonsense and that was it. No leakage, no engorgement and what the hell does let down even feel like, I’ve no idea. But the bf militia won’t accept that it isn’t right for everyone. I credit them with how difficult I found those early days.

I think this is very much dependant on how easy you found it. The first two weeks of DC1 was literally hellish, I only continued because my sister is a midwife and I felt I should. After that it was a dream, he would literally feed in 5 minutes and there was no pain. DC2 was easy from the start and fed super fast also. However, I also saw friend getting infections, cracked nipples, mastitis and spending hours on end feeding and that would certainly have put me off wanting to BF if I were in that position.

There needs to be more support for combi feeding.

I really do think that if the NHS wasn't so bloody focused on EBF, then there would be far less pressure to either EBF or fail which is how they currently portray it. It seems therefore that the middle ground has been forgotten.

For background, I currently EBF and it's exhausting and certainly affecting my MH. I always wanted to combi feed, aiming for 1 FF bottle a day to give myself and my baby options. In fear in the early days and weeks though, I suffered through blistered nipples, multiple 13-hour feeding sprees, sleep deprivation to the point of it being dangerous & thinking 3 days had passed when in reality 6 had passed, and more because I thought by introducing a bottle before 6 weeks, I was going to 100% fail to BF because that's what the NHS tells women.

They need to allow professionals to encourage combi feeding, then more women might BF either exclusively or alongside formula. Or maybe it's just my rubbish HV that refuses to have any conversation about how to introduce bottles with me, and my baby who refuses the bottle like it'll kill him. I wish I had combi fed from day 1. But that's my two pence worth: encourage combi feeding!

Well some mothers don't like breast feeding but your question is really over the top quite frankly.

It was the opposite for me. I found it really easy. I had no pain, loads of milk, my babies put on loads of weight. I found feeding on demand really good, never having to time any feeds or worry about how much they drank.

I looked after my niece for a weekend when she was about 6 weeks old and I found bottle feeding very stressful. I had to be so organised, had to make sure everything was sterilized, had to time the feeds, had to worry if she didn't finish a bottle etc.

But for those who find breastfeeding hard, isn't it great that we live in times where there is a safe and healthy alternative? It's not compulsory to breastfeed, and if it's not for you then just don't. It makes no difference in the long run.

Yabu op. It may have been best "for you" that doesn't = its best for every mother.

I breast fed 4 children not one of them was i up with every 2-3 hours a night with. My friend who formula fed was with her 4. This doesn't to me make a complete breast feeding is better. It tells me how it was for me and my children. And my friend and her children. Doesn't = it will be this way for everyone.

The thing is, lots of things we have to do as parents for the benefit of our children are stressful and draining and boring. I didn’t/don’t particularly enjoy persevering with teeth cleaning or cooking nutritious meals most nights or doing the bloody school run AGAIN etc etc etc but I do it all because it’s best for my children.
Of course there’s a clear line - bf severely affecting mental or physical health, or baby not thriving, where formula is clearly best. Baby thriving and mother managing BF fine but not really enjoying it? Well, that decision is for every mum to make for herself but personally in those circumstances I would have continued.

Yep, I agree. Persevered for seven months but next time won’t go as long.

YABU. I loved breastfeeding and it was great for my mental health; knowing I was providing for my child and the bond I felt was just incredible. Nothing else can compare really. I absolutely loved feeding all my children.

In general it's lack of support for all aspects of child rearing, especially in the early years which is bad for maternal mental health.

It's much easier to cope with the physical demands of breastfeeding, night waking, teething, etc etc if you don't have to combine those with a full time job, and or worries about money.

As @BigMadAdrian said - it's the expectation that you have to add in demanding things like breastfeeding without making any other changes to the lives we had before.