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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder why some men hate women so much?

135 replies

girlfriend44 · 14/02/2023 10:01

What's with all the misogyny?
Why do some men hate women so much.
Men can't exist without women?
All men have a mother!
Can't understand the likes of Wayne Couzens either he was married to a woman and had a daughter, yet he raped and killed a woman.
Why didn't he care that his daughter now has to grow up knowing her father hated women and killed one?

OP posts:
BumpySkull · 14/02/2023 18:07

CurlyCabbage · 14/02/2023 16:19

Its not weird do read a post stating that Pakistanis hate Indians as if its a fact?? Ok then. I’ll not consider it offensive cos you say so

It’s not remotely offensive to say that some Pakistanis hate Indians to the same extent that some men hate women and some white people hate black people and some tenants hate landlords. Why do you believe it is offensive? How is it any more offensive than any of the other examples or, in fact, the OP itself?

ThreeLittleDots · 14/02/2023 18:10

I can't help but think that this early conditioning to dislike any female stereotypes then leads to a dislike of females themselves, or even resentment

I really agree with this

Squeezita · 14/02/2023 18:12

Dijoduo · 14/02/2023 11:04

No, I’m not… by what possible logic have I picked on one minority? Did you not read how many minorities were listed in my post before you highlighted and copied just one of them and decided to accuse me of something you know isn’t true? I listed many, many, many groups in my post. That was the actual point. I’m neither Indian nor Pakistani - and I said nothing offensive, I stated an indisputable fact.

It’s an extremely ignorant comment because it completely ignores the history between Indians and Pakistanis and Hindus and Muslims.

Muslims are a persecuted minority in Hindu extremist led India.

Your post makes a mockery of this instead of being balanced.

Dijoduo · 14/02/2023 18:20

Squeezita · 14/02/2023 18:12

It’s an extremely ignorant comment because it completely ignores the history between Indians and Pakistanis and Hindus and Muslims.

Muslims are a persecuted minority in Hindu extremist led India.

Your post makes a mockery of this instead of being balanced.

Eh? No, it does none of those things. I appreciate you’re offended but you’re being ridiculous. Your feelings are what they are but please don’t pretend they’re rational or that I have done anything wrong because I haven’t.

ScramblePud · 14/02/2023 18:25

Squeezita · 14/02/2023 18:12

It’s an extremely ignorant comment because it completely ignores the history between Indians and Pakistanis and Hindus and Muslims.

Muslims are a persecuted minority in Hindu extremist led India.

Your post makes a mockery of this instead of being balanced.

It literally doesn’t do that at all. Do some Pakistanis hate Indians? Yes. Is that a fact? Yes. Is it an undeniable truth? Yes. Why do you think it’s offensive or mockery to say so? The alleged reason or supposed justification behind the hatred doesn’t change that it exists and is entirely irrelevant to this conversation. This dynamic also wasn’t singled out (as you accused), it was in a long list of others too. All you’re doing is demonstrating that hatred to be honest.

debbrianna · 14/02/2023 18:35

girlfriend44 · 14/02/2023 10:01

What's with all the misogyny?
Why do some men hate women so much.
Men can't exist without women?
All men have a mother!
Can't understand the likes of Wayne Couzens either he was married to a woman and had a daughter, yet he raped and killed a woman.
Why didn't he care that his daughter now has to grow up knowing her father hated women and killed one?

It's the same question I would ask racists. It all boils down to a superiority complex. Patriarchy was built on superiority. Those who do not value women and only see them as a product of the environment to carry and look after their children is a problem. I also, agree that biology has played a part in putting women in danger. Weakeness because of pregnancy, menstruation, breastfeeding and menopause.
A think that gives someone else the upper hand can be used against you.

Dodecaheidyin · 14/02/2023 18:44

but isn't it about time?

@ALongHardWinter Yes!

MavisMcMinty · 14/02/2023 19:11

JoonT · 14/02/2023 11:44

I don't believe the majority of men hate women, but for sure a minority do – and that minority is growing.

Somebody on a separate MN thread made a very good point. They were talking about the rise of single, childless women, who are happy on their own and don't want a partner. They pointed out that women don't need men as much as they used to. It's now OK to be single and childless, and to live on your own. You can earn your own money, buy your own house, go out drinking just for fun (and not to meet someone), etc. As a consequence, men must bring something to a relationship. Throughout most of human history, they didn't need to bring anything at all. They could bank on women needing them for money, security, social acceptance (to be unmarried was almost shameful), and so on.

The problem, of course, is that a lot of men have nothing to offer. They are oafish, boring, shallow, ignorant and miserable. And no woman wants them. Even as late as the 1980s, it was still shameful to be a single woman over 30. It was also shameful to be a single mum. So women put up with the most unbelievable shit from men – anything rather than be alone. That is changing – fast. And some men can't cope. A lot of them still expect single women over 35 to be desperate/grateful for their attention. It puzzles and enrages them that lots of women are now saying "nah, it's OK, don't want you, don't need you. I'm happy on my own. If I meet a lovely guy, who is kind and funny and interesting, then great, but if not, that's fine too."

Crap men can no longer bank on finding a woman, and it's making them furious. A woman on her own, with a career and friends, is not going to allow some moaning, farting, burping oaf, with zero conversation, to move in and wreck her life. And she sure as hell ain't going to look after him. Fifty years ago, she might have done, but not today.

Such a thought-provoking post, thanks @JoonT .

Crutcher · 14/02/2023 19:23

I think overall there are very few men who hate women as a class rather than just specific, individual women. And I'd bet there are roughly as many women who hate men as a class.

Most of what gets labelled misogyny and hatred of 'women' is just hatred of a woman.

JoonT · 14/02/2023 20:02

LostMyUserName · 14/02/2023 14:10

Why are some male egos so fragile that they depend on women to validate them?

Surely the question should be why do women need men to validate them?

Far too many women still get into relationships because it boosts their ego. Others marry, or have kids, because 'it's just what you do', not because they want to. It's so depressing. I'm not anti-men, and I'm not anti-relationship. But people (both male and female) should only ever commit because they've met someone they really like and really want to spend their life with.

As somebody posted above, too many girls still think of their wedding day (their 'special day') as the ultimate validation. In some cases, you almost feel they don't care which man it is – that you could swap him for somebody else and they'd hardly notice. All that matters is a man has 'chosen' them, and now, at last, they can stop hating themselves, and stop hating their bodies.

I can think of two young women like this. Both are highly intelligent, well-read, and well-educated. And both have married guys they have little in common with. You can see the writing on the wall. One of the men is like a 12-year-old. He sits cross-legged on the floor playing on his X-box, throws a tantrum if she asks him to help with the dishes, and is more like a schoolboy than a husband. Unbelievably, she's had a child with him! The other is a monosyllabic oaf who isn't interested in anything. He's got an ego the size of a planet, yet can barely string a sentence together. All he does is lounge around grunting and drinking beer from a can.

Why these young women have shackled themselves to such men is beyond me. I know they are both unhappy. You can see it a mile away. Yet both plaster their social media with photos of them and their partner smiling and staring at sunsets. It's so obvious what is going on. They're proving they can attract and hold onto a man. Maybe one day we'll outgrow this primitive way of thinking. If we do, I have a hunch that marriage/long-term relationships will become the exception rather than the norm.

LostMyUserName · 14/02/2023 20:06

I suppose I understand that more as I can relate it it (unfortunately) @JoonT.

What puzzles me is that some men benefit from so much in society yet if they are rejected, they take it out on women.

LexMitior · 14/02/2023 20:13

@JoonT - I like your posts and couldn't agree more. I hope these things for my daughter. If she has a partner in the future, then it should be on the terms you set out.

The kind of men you describe are not unusual but I think you are also correct when you say marriage, and long term relationships will change. Young women will just not need to accept it.

MavisMcMinty · 14/02/2023 20:17

Horses have the right idea, spending most of their time in all-female groups, raising their young, wandering around and eating. Stallions are for sex purposes only, a mare is the boss of the herd.

SamanthaCaine · 14/02/2023 20:36

MavisMcMinty · 14/02/2023 20:17

Horses have the right idea, spending most of their time in all-female groups, raising their young, wandering around and eating. Stallions are for sex purposes only, a mare is the boss of the herd.

Sounds more beneficial for men TBH.

MavisMcMinty · 14/02/2023 20:37

Ah, maybe. Sounds ideal to me too, but I’m old and jaded.

nutbrownhare15 · 14/02/2023 20:43

I think in this case and many others pornography has a lot to do with it. Breeds a sense of entitlement to women's bodies, normalises open disrespect and establishes an association between sexual desire, dominance and violence.

LexMitior · 14/02/2023 20:46

Well if porn determines a young woman's sex life it's not a great surprise when she rejects a relationship with a boy her own age or older. What is in it for her?

beguilingeyes · 14/02/2023 21:16

Look around your own circle. How many men do you know who genuinely like women. Who enjoy their company. As opposed to liking to sleep with them.
When you look at them like that it's surprising how relatively few there are.

Thesharkradar · 14/02/2023 21:34

What puzzles me is that some men benefit from so much in society yet if they are rejected, they take it out on women
they take it out on women because women are easy targets, if he takes it out on a person of equal size/strength/status they will push back hard and he may come off worst, women typically are much easier to intimidate and overpower

WinterFoxes · 14/02/2023 22:11

I have just realised I don't know that many men socially. I don't mix with Dh in couples much, but see friends separately and most of them are women.

The men I am close to don't hate women. I wouldn't go near them if they did. That includes DH, my brother, a couple of close male friends. Most of my social acquaintances' husbands fall into the category of men who don't bother to talk with you if they don't want to shag you. They just can't see the point or don't really notice you exist. I know this because I used to be slim and pretty and they were so friendly. Now I am fat and plain and they barely say a word to me. Grin

Male clients are interesting because the work I do is very engaging and in some ways quite intimate (not physically!) They can find it quite disconcerting to end up feeling quite connected with a woman they don't fancy. I can see them struggle to process it. Whereas the women are delightful and I often end up being quite close friends with them after we have worked together.

Timesawastin · 15/02/2023 00:13

Sparklybanana · 14/02/2023 12:10

I was wondering why so many men hate women but also so many men want to be women. I feel its a complicated relationship.

Very few people assigned male at birth want to be women. Gross exaggeration of the scale as per usual M N moral panic mode 🙄

nilsmousehammer · 15/02/2023 06:48

Considering how many women one male in a female only space can impact, and the ways in which women are currently trying to avoid being impacted, yes, it's a bit of a significant issue. Minding about women getting raped in prisons isn't exactly a 'moral panic', it's kind of a basic human rights issue that any normal person would find wholly unacceptable.

But yes, typical dismissal and belittling of women's feelings and concerns there in case their voices interfere with male agendas. Interesting why people do, as evidenced, hate women saying things about their own needs and humanity that inconvenience male agendas.

bananaAgogo · 15/02/2023 07:12

I am hoping that all mother's n here are bringing up decent sons, I think a lot starts with the parenting of boys. I remember when my husband left me and my children, I was determined to bring my son up to respect women and treat them well and as equals. I know he will do the same with his son.

Crutcher · 15/02/2023 09:19

I was determined to bring my son up to respect women and treat them well and as equals.

What does that even mean? Are you saying men who rob and kill other men need to be taught to respect men? Do you think it's an education thing? And BTW all women? Even the nasty ones?

A person can love and respect all humanity in the abstract, but if they haven't practiced self control all that flies out of the window when there is a specific human being who sets them off.

It's not about respecting people, whatever that even means, but respecting the rules of society. Whether that woman is worthy of respect or is your equal or not is irrelevant
What is relevant is that she has the right to live in society without being subjected to harassment and worse.

Sparklybanana · 15/02/2023 09:35

Timesawastin · 15/02/2023 00:13

Very few people assigned male at birth want to be women. Gross exaggeration of the scale as per usual M N moral panic mode 🙄

You read what you wanted to read there love. Tis not a "moral panic" but a wistful ponder about the case. I'm sure you are well aware that many people who are homophobic bullys, are actually so angry about the presence of gay people because they are indeed gay themselves but do not want to be, and that is expressed at anger towards those who can be free to show it. I feel a lot of hatred for women could indeed come from a similar source.
"Most" men don't hate women. "A few" men do. "Some" men want to be women. Is there an overlap in the Venn diagram? Can you get my meaning without dramatising it?

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