Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think this is inappropriate

109 replies

Stressedmummyallday · 14/02/2023 08:58

Just got into work and another colleague (another female so not a man trying to come on to me) has left flowers and chocolates on my desk with a card. Aibu to think this is inappropriate? Apparently she’s got them me “for Valentine’s Day”.

OP posts:
HowcanIgetoutofthisalive · 14/02/2023 10:13

Perhaps she did it because you are single and thought you may not receive card/flowers/chocs from someone else and just thought it would be a nice thing to do? Had you previously mentioned in conversation that you were unlikely to receive anything for Valentine's?

What was written in the card?

If I'd have received same from a married female colleague, I'd think it was a bit wierd tbh.

booboo24 · 14/02/2023 10:14

My daughter got me a card from the cat, should I have thrown it back in her face or laughed at the verse like I did! My partner jokes that I love the cat more than him, should I throw it out incase he gets upset?

purpledalmation · 14/02/2023 10:15

I would be uncomfortable with this. A bunch or flowers or chocolates from a colleague if I'd been going through a tough time, but Valentine's Day??

AramintaLee · 14/02/2023 10:17

There was a thread here yesterday (which I think someone has linked on an earlier page) where a woman was considering buying a card and gift for a colleague for valentines. I think the colleague had lost her husband 10 years previously and so the woman was worried about her colleague being lonely. In the end, she decided against it but generally, I think this sort of thing is done with the best of intentions.

Have you commented on valentines to this colleague of yours recently?

I don't think it's "inappropriate" unless she's actually hitting on you. It seems to be like she's caring and just trying to put a smile on your face. It's not an unsolicited come on.

ODFOx · 14/02/2023 10:18

Have you been going through a difficult time OP? Is there any reason why someone might want to do something nice for you?

PartridgeInAChair · 14/02/2023 10:20

booboo24 · 14/02/2023 10:12

The majority over 25, or the minority - noone's counted, I'm pretty sure I haven't been asked for instance!

It's a nice gesture, if the op feels.offended by it then just quietly deal with it, why make a big deal of it, unless it was meant to make her feel offended - why be so uptight. Or is this the 'I must be offended by everyone and everything' brigade?

Give over with the 'I must be offended by everyone and everything' brigade.

I'm hardly ever offended by things and I wouldn't be offended by this.

However,I would think it weird that a bunch of flowers and chocolates were on my desk from Cheryl in Accounts who I have no interest in apart from work.

PartridgeInAChair · 14/02/2023 10:23

booboo24 · 14/02/2023 10:14

My daughter got me a card from the cat, should I have thrown it back in her face or laughed at the verse like I did! My partner jokes that I love the cat more than him, should I throw it out incase he gets upset?

This is totally different. I'd love a card from my cute dog - as a joke - made by close family members.

MadeofElephantStone · 14/02/2023 10:26

I don't think it's being uptight or perpetually offended to expect others to subject you to things that make you uncomfortable, just to make themselves feel better.

MadeofElephantStone · 14/02/2023 10:26

*not to

Purplepeople12 · 14/02/2023 10:43

PartridgeInAChair · 14/02/2023 10:20

Give over with the 'I must be offended by everyone and everything' brigade.

I'm hardly ever offended by things and I wouldn't be offended by this.

However,I would think it weird that a bunch of flowers and chocolates were on my desk from Cheryl in Accounts who I have no interest in apart from work.

Show quote history

Why? It bugs me and I'm just sharing my opinion!!!!! (I'm off ill today, which I never do so maybe a tad grumpy!) Seriously if the op is uncomfortable with it then fine, but why make such a big fuss over it, without even finding out if there are any hidden meanings behind a nice gesture!

The op and the rest of the world can be 'uncomfortable' about it all they want, maybe I would be too, depending on the situation, but just hide the gifts out the way for now and get on with the working day! What's the op going to do, ask the poor woman if she's coming on to her? Ask everyone in the office is 'Cheryl' fancies her? The woman bought her flowers and chocolates, she hasn't left her husband and turned up on her doorstep with her worldly belongings

As for my cat, yes I loved the card!!! I'm sure if he could he'd have gone out and bought it for me himself!!!

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 14/02/2023 10:48

I’d find it odd. To me valentines is a romantic thing so if someone bought me a valentines gift I would think they are interested and if they aren’t then it’s just playing with emotions potentially (unless you are in the US where valentines is some whole other thing)

RipWheelersHat · 14/02/2023 10:50

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4742150-to-get-colleague-a-valentines-gift

Someone posted this thread yesterday asking if they should do it, and quite a few of the responses say it would be a nice thing to do

Suzi888 · 14/02/2023 10:57

Is she senior ?

I couldn’t overthink this to be honest…. If you don’t want them take them to a nursing home.

Bellaboo01 · 14/02/2023 11:13

Stressedmummyallday · 14/02/2023 09:49

She’s married if that makes any difference.

Why do you feel uncomfortable about it?

I think its a really lovely thing for her to do.

Is there a backstory here?

Bellaboo01 · 14/02/2023 11:18

purpledalmation · 14/02/2023 09:48

I don't think it's appropriate. I'm sensing a sexual attraction on her side, and that's not what you want from a colleague. Quiet word time.

Are you being serious??? Where on earth did you read this much into this gesture!!

newnamethanks · 14/02/2023 11:22

Dont worry OP, I worked for years with someone who had cards and gifts for every occasion. Valentine's? Both of the 2 employees got card and flowers. Mothers Day? Ditto. She did the same for all her friends and had no romantic interest in any of us. Just her way of celebrating love - a good thing - and all mothers, also a good thing. We soon fell into line and reciprocated.

illtakeit · 14/02/2023 11:42

Some of these comments are insane to be honest 😂

PartridgeInAChair · 14/02/2023 11:44

I get on really well with the women I work with but I've just tried to imagine their reactions if I had popped in this morning and put flowers, chocolates & a card on their desk.

I'm totally sure they wouldn't think it was a normal thing to do.

PartridgeInAChair · 14/02/2023 11:46

illtakeit · 14/02/2023 11:42

Some of these comments are insane to be honest 😂

Which ones?

I'm struggling to imagine it being a normal thing to do.

Merkins · 14/02/2023 11:47

illtakeit · 14/02/2023 11:42

Some of these comments are insane to be honest 😂

Yep. It’s clearly someone trolling after the thread yesterday. 1/10, very poor effort. Far too obvious.

MNHQ
KimMumsnet · 14/02/2023 12:17

Hi, all. Thanks for your reports on this. We think the OP is indeed a troll so this will be coming down in a mo.

musingsinmidlife · 14/02/2023 13:17

Why take it down? It seems it was posted in response to the other thread but brought out different viewpoints. If it generates discussion - why remove it?

PartridgeInAChair · 14/02/2023 13:50

musingsinmidlife · 14/02/2023 13:17

Why take it down? It seems it was posted in response to the other thread but brought out different viewpoints. If it generates discussion - why remove it?

I thought this.

purpledalmation · 14/02/2023 15:42

HAHA! Trolled. so all the people saying its normal are wrong, as OP clearly put it up to be objectionable!

PartridgeInAChair · 14/02/2023 15:51

purpledalmation · 14/02/2023 15:42

HAHA! Trolled. so all the people saying its normal are wrong, as OP clearly put it up to be objectionable!

I can just imagine the other work colleagues commenting what a lovely partner you have on Valentine's day and having to reply "Oh, they're not from DH. Cheryl in Accounts bought them for me. No we're not that close. I've never even seen her out of work 🤔".

Not weird at all.