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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is inappropriate

109 replies

Stressedmummyallday · 14/02/2023 08:58

Just got into work and another colleague (another female so not a man trying to come on to me) has left flowers and chocolates on my desk with a card. Aibu to think this is inappropriate? Apparently she’s got them me “for Valentine’s Day”.

OP posts:
Alexandernevermind · 14/02/2023 09:21

I remember a friend at school exchanging cards with her platonic American pen pal and thought what a shame we don't do that here. Its odd and a little sad that you think it inappropriate op, unless she has form for harassment.

illtakeit · 14/02/2023 09:24

Context is important.

A colleague just giving you some flowers and a card is not inappropriate.

isthewashingdryyet · 14/02/2023 09:25

I’m with you OP, either you buy for all colleagues or non. I’d find it very odd if a man at work did this , so no difference for a woman.

Share the chocolates out and let the whole office know what she has bought you on Valentine’s Day.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 14/02/2023 09:27

I feel like I've seen "Galentines" more this year than Valentines, so she's probably caught up in that hype.

ReneBumsWombats · 14/02/2023 09:30

If I wasn't very close to her, I'd find it a bit weird.

Sally090807 · 14/02/2023 09:32

Is she married or have a partner or is she single?

PartridgeInAChair · 14/02/2023 09:32

ReneBumsWombats · 14/02/2023 09:30

If I wasn't very close to her, I'd find it a bit weird.

Yes, I would too.

booboo24 · 14/02/2023 09:33

Good lord I despair! Its a nice gesture, she's obviously thought of you and bought something she thought you'd like. What's the problem really?

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 14/02/2023 09:36

I think it’s odd and patronising and I’d feel very uncomfortable about it.
It might make the person that have them feel nice but surely it’s the feelings of the giftee that’s important and not everyone will find it nice

MonkeyMindAllOverAround · 14/02/2023 09:38

Are you concerned that people may think you are a couple? If so, you need to work on your own insecurities.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 14/02/2023 09:41

I don't think it's patronising at all. But I want to know what it says in the card. What do you think her intentions are? What did you do for her birthday, and what did she do for yours? That's when I would expect to get chocs from a friend, not Valentine's. But then, I'd never heard of Galentine's.

Lullabies2Paralyze · 14/02/2023 09:41

Unless you’re both parks and Rec fans and she’s celebrating galentines instead, then yes I’d be a bit I don’t know, not annoyed but maybe embarrassed, like why has she just got you them and no one else? Does she feel sorry for you that you’re single, does she pick one random person a year to get a gift for on valentines? Does she fancy you?
I am quite an insecure person so I would also be wondering what colleagues thought was going on between us.

PartridgeInAChair · 14/02/2023 09:41

I wonder what the comments would have been if the person was a random male colleague?????

He would probably be accused of being dangerous but because it is a woman it is lovely.

I think it's weird.

MadeofElephantStone · 14/02/2023 09:41

I wouldn't like this either. If she fancies you then there was nothing stopping her from making the gesture privately in stead of in front of everyone. Or if she just wants to cheer you up because you're single on Valentine's Day - is also a bit meh. I am also single today (through choice) and would be mortified to think people thought I was some sad lonely spinster.

smm88 · 14/02/2023 09:42

Lord some of these replies are wild. So far I've read the person is patronising, she is a bitch and should be reported to HR and the poster should go off sick with stress 🥴

Ironically a post yesterday was posted about this asking if it was appropriate and most said yes.

Poster have you read that post ?it's linked in a comment above.

If it's not you and you've not been through a hard time or voiced any sadness at being single/not had a valentines then yes perhaps it is a bit unusual. I'm assuming you must be friendly enough with her for her to have done this though. I'd maybe just ask what made her think of the offer.

Original poster
Stressedmummyallday · 14/02/2023 09:48

OhClunge · 14/02/2023 09:13

Unless there is a huge back story I think you are reading too much into it
What have you said to her about it?

I’ve not managed to speak to her yet, she was already in a meeting when I came in and saw them on my desk.

OP posts:
purpledalmation · 14/02/2023 09:48

I don't think it's appropriate. I'm sensing a sexual attraction on her side, and that's not what you want from a colleague. Quiet word time.

Original poster
Stressedmummyallday · 14/02/2023 09:49

She’s married if that makes any difference.

OP posts:
Zola1 · 14/02/2023 09:50

I think its just a thoughtful gesture. Really really doubt that it's anything sexual. Don't worry she won't want to be your mate after this weird reaction anyway.
I've totally bought and received gifts from female friends on valentines. My almost 13 year old got cards and little chocolate bars to give to her besties. Not because she has a crush on them, just because it's a day of love

musingsinmidlife · 14/02/2023 09:54

If it is a gesture as a friend, it should be done outside of work. It is doing it at work that makes it inappropriate. I go to work to work, I don't want to have to deal with the awkwardness of a married colleague giving me flowers and chocolates on Valentines Day. Give those to your husband / wife.

MadeofElephantStone · 14/02/2023 10:03

Do we really just have to accept being uncomfortable by someone else's thoughtful gestures though? Why is it wrong for us (who don't want these gestures)to reject them? Is our feelings and comfort on being the recipient of unwanted attention less important than the self gratification of the gift giver?

Figmentof · 14/02/2023 10:05

booboo24 · 14/02/2023 09:33

Good lord I despair! Its a nice gesture, she's obviously thought of you and bought something she thought you'd like. What's the problem really?

Well lots of things really. That it will probably attract some unwanted attention and remarks from others. That it seems a bit pitying, in the sense, random work colleague buying you flowers as they presume nobody else will. That perhaps the colleague in receipt of flowers has no interest in Valentine’s Day anyway, like the majority of people over the age of 25.

CalistoNoSolo · 14/02/2023 10:08

It's inappropriate and would make me uncomfortable, whether from a male or female.

booboo24 · 14/02/2023 10:12

The majority over 25, or the minority - noone's counted, I'm pretty sure I haven't been asked for instance!

It's a nice gesture, if the op feels.offended by it then just quietly deal with it, why make a big deal of it, unless it was meant to make her feel offended - why be so uptight. Or is this the 'I must be offended by everyone and everything' brigade?