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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is inappropriate

109 replies

Stressedmummyallday · 14/02/2023 08:58

Just got into work and another colleague (another female so not a man trying to come on to me) has left flowers and chocolates on my desk with a card. Aibu to think this is inappropriate? Apparently she’s got them me “for Valentine’s Day”.

OP posts:
Shemovesshemoves21 · 14/02/2023 09:05

Stressedmummyallday · 14/02/2023 09:04

Yes.

Show quote history

I'd find it a bit patronising in that case. Unless there's some massive backstory like your partner died and she's trying to make you feel better or something (still doesn't make it appropriate but, but a bit more forgivable if it's a misjudged gesture).

TaraMock · 14/02/2023 09:06

If you're a stressed mummy, who is stressed all day, she probably thought she was doing something nice to cheer you up.

Switchwitch · 14/02/2023 09:06

I think it's weird. Take me out for a coffee if you think I'm a lonely sadass not embarrass me in front of the office with a 'awww you are loved by us after all, single loser' gesture.

Orangepolentacake · 14/02/2023 09:06

would you find it weird from your best friend?

maybe it’s because you’re not that close to her?

or is she a lesbian and you think she’s coming on to you?

if you are close and 100% she’s not coming on to you, then I don’t see the problem

Ducksinthebath · 14/02/2023 09:06

What a total bitch. Log it with HR. Now! Why are you wasting time on MN. Report! Report! Report!

user567543 · 14/02/2023 09:07

Yeah, colleagues buying you flowers, how patronising. Or do you think you have maybe overthought this?

Grimchmas · 14/02/2023 09:07

What does the card say?

AppleKatie · 14/02/2023 09:07

She’s either trying to be nice, patronising or she fancies you.

those are the options really, and since we don’t know her it’s impossible for us to tell 🤷‍♀️

user567543 · 14/02/2023 09:08

Why would anyone spend their own money to buy flowers to patronise someone? That just doesn't seem likely.

FuckeNell · 14/02/2023 09:08

I think you need to go sick from the stress

ChocHotolate · 14/02/2023 09:08

Is this replying to the thread yesterday?

dayswithaY · 14/02/2023 09:08

Maybe it’s some sort of Galentines thing? When a woman gives a gift to a female friend (in this case, colleague).

I wouldn’t do it but it’s still a nice thing to do.

Watching or reading the news lately is terrifying and depressing. Enjoy this act of kindness for what it is.

SpinningFloppa · 14/02/2023 09:08

I’m with you op, I wouldn’t like that. I think it’s weird but then I hate this thing of now including anyone in Valentine’s Day even kids, I find it weird!

LadyKenya · 14/02/2023 09:09

Do you think that it is a romantic gesture OP?

unclebuck · 14/02/2023 09:09

Galentines day is better than Valentines day

MonkeyMindAllOverAround · 14/02/2023 09:10

In many cultures today, St Valentines Day is the day of “love” BUT also friendship. I have got one from a friend today but remember getting lots of valentines cards from my female friends when I was a teenage girl. I can assure you neither of all us were romantically interested in each other, it is just a gesture of appreciation.

If you have been a good friend for her you are seriously misreading her intentions. So don’t flatter yourself 😁

TheFormidableMrsC · 14/02/2023 09:11

I sent cards to all my single friends because who doesn't need a bit of lifting up occasionally? Honestly, what a thing to get worked up about 🙄

Gymmum82 · 14/02/2023 09:11

I think it’s really kind. She must think a lot of you.
Shame you don’t seem to think much of her. I hope she realises and doesn’t bother with you anymore

OhClunge · 14/02/2023 09:13

Unless there is a huge back story I think you are reading too much into it
What have you said to her about it?

N1Co · 14/02/2023 09:13

Are they a gesture of friendship or is she trying to drop a massive hint?

maryofthevirginkind · 14/02/2023 09:14

I think that's a very kind gesture. Accept graciously.

Somanysocks · 14/02/2023 09:16

It may be a kind gesture, but if you are unhappily single it's possible it just amplifies any loneliness you are feeling.

Moomoo75 · 14/02/2023 09:19

I suppose it depends on the context. Are you friends? Have you had a hard time and she is being nice? Did she mean the gifts in a romantic way?
I don't think the she is being inappropriate. Her intentions are meant well. If these are a romantic gesture but you are not interested, I would be flattered, however I would just say thank you and carry on normally. In fairness it is lovely that someone thought about you.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 14/02/2023 09:20

I remember years ago, as an 18yo working in a dept store. All my female colleagues were getting flower deliveries at work from their OH and I was single and felt so left out.

My colleagues went out at lunch and bought me flowers, they handmade a card (which I still have 20+ years later) and it was just so sweet.

Why on earth would you take offence to your colleague making a nice gesture?

musingsinmidlife · 14/02/2023 09:20

I would find it inappropriate, regardless of whether it came from a man or a woman. I would probably assume good intentions and say thanks and just be cautious about my interactions with that person going forward.

I don't think work is the appropriate place for someone to put you on the spot with flowers / chocolates on a holiday signifying love. It is a bit creepy to me.