Clean bedding is a basic hygiene standard, yes?

[Dirrrty]

Ex H has taken our two children several hours' away to visit his parents, along with his new girlfriend.
They live in a three-bed house; one single bed, two double.
My 12yo has phoned me grossed out that he's been put in a bed that his 15yo cousin had slept in the night before (if not longer than one night, he's not sure), and the sheets weren't changed. My 7yo was put on an uncomfortable sofa for the night. During the night, she was so uncomfortable that she got up and asked to be in the bed with ex and new gf. I'm not happy about that at all. He should have known she wouldn't be comfortable on the crappy sofa, and imo, the two children should have been given the double bed, new gf in single bed, and him on the sofa downstairs. He's a selfish arsehole though, so it wouldn't occur to him to think of his children before himself and new gf.
New gf is heading home tonight so my son asked his grandmother if he and his sister could sleep in the double bed tonight, and would she please wash the bedding. (Ex is out with new gf for the day showing her the nearest big city, so kids are dumped with the grandparents doing absolutely nothing, just sat in the house.
I'm not happy about that either.) Ex-mil has told my son she is too busy to wash the bedding (my son says they are just sitting about).

But my aibu is, surely it's basic hygiene when having guests to give them clean sheets???

YANBU - of course they should have clean sheets
YABU - it's not going to kill them, sleeping in used sheets, meh whatever.

Comments re the sleeping arrangements welcome too. Thank you.

Some posters' disgust for the human body is verging on the pathological. I wonder how they managed to conceive, bear and raise children.

Shit happens, sometimes trips away are slightly disappointing or don't work out the way they were planned. They need to deal with this. Kids can't always expect to be the centre of things and have the red carpet rolled out. I honestly don't see what is wrong with quiet time pottering at home with grandparents. If he is bored, tell him to read a book or offer to help out round the house.

Bedding . . . . Not ideal, but not the end of the world.

It's fine, your children will be fine. If it's really bothering your son teach him to raise the matter respectfully and change the sheets himself..and strip the bed on leaving. Your daughter can go in with him then. No need to make a big deal out of it.

WTF have I just read?

I think it is disgusting not to provide clean sheets. I would be so embarrassed. I would never visit that grandparent again.

are you a little jealous of the new girlfriend OP?

I really don't agree with the 7yo being on the sofa. That will make her feel like she is really unimportant in the dad's priorities and new gf more important. (I know what I am talking about from experience). Sadly a lot of useless dads are like this so it doesn't surprise me at all. should have been 12 yo in bed with dad and girl in single bed.

I think this kind of excessive reaction is why people are saying that the OP is BU. Two kids in the same family sharing sheets isn't a big enough deal to let a 12 year old go no contact with his grandparents.

None of this is going to damage the children in any way and they will just have to suck it up or ask their Dad to change the sheets. If they don't want to do that, then they know it's no big deal but are saying what they know will please the OP.

I absolutely do not see this as being something my son would even consider.

Also, it was actually dd7 who said she'd rather be in the bed with her brother.

Siblings have shared beds for centuries. Is mostly innocent. I trust my son. But am of course always vigilant.

My thoughts exactly @TheShellBeach . WTAF.

Oh it’s not a British thing at all. I was once visiting a friend in my home country and she put me into bed where her older sister slept in the previous night. I was speechless but friend just had a baby so I let it go.
I know it’s something my elderly parents could do.

It’s all about the new GF now.

@TakemedowntoPotatoCity I thought the GF lived there?

Not all 15 year olds are gross, not having a shower and wanking off in bed tbf.
My mum would not have changed the bed between grandchildren if it had only been 1 night (she did insist they showered in the evening though).
This is probably just (another) excuse to moan about your ex.

This thread is nuts.

OP, I’d be grossed out usually by a bed someone else has slept in but young cousins and for one night is really not the end of the world. I’d be more upset about the 7yo on the sofa.

Generally I think you need to back off a bit and accept that he doesn’t to have to do to things the way you do them.

Ok it’s not ideal but not the end of world either, use it as a chance to teach your kids some resilience and adapting. Your not doing them any favours by dramatising this.

There doesn’t sound like anything wrong with Grandad watching sports and Gran pottering about either! Why can’t your kids entertain themselves? Why do they need activities arranged for them? They could go play outside or brought games etc.

Your kids sound quite precious and needy, it’s only a few days I think you all need to just go with the flow and get over it.

It’s a bit ick, but it really won’t do them any harm.

Loving your prefix of “new” when referring to his girlfriend. She’s not his new girlfriend, she’s his girlfriend. I expect that’s the cause of a lot of your issues concerns.

OP, you need to back off. It’s his time and his responsibility.

That’s gross 🤮, does the next family member know that or just assume sheets are clean. I wouldn’t make anyone sleep in someone else’s sheets, adult or child, it’s just disgusting.

All seems a bit trivial to get that worked up over. I would expect a 7 year old to be able to sleep quite well on a sofa, certainly much better than an adult, so it seems like a reasonable thing to do. I thought we were all trying to save energy, so a full change of bedding for one night seems like a big waste of washing.

Your 12yo is probably old enough to have a view on whether he wants to stay overnight at his dad's house.

The oddest part of the whole thing imo is putting the 7yo downstairs on a sofa by herself - surely a child that young should be going to bed in a bedroom with other people in the rooms next to her rather than left downstairs alone? Even if it's on an air mattress or ready bed? Poor little thing must feel quite scared and lonely being put there by herself during the night, especially if she can't sleep because it's uncomfortable. In those circumstances, I completely understand why she'd want to sleep in with her older brother, although separate beds would probably be better. He could have the (clean) single and she could have a blow up or guest bed in the same room with the door left open, if their father can't sort anything else out.

I wouldn't want to sleep on any bedding previously slept in by anyone, I don't care how long.

Invest in an inflatable mattress (cheap and comfortable) when they go over pack them clean sheets and pillows ....problem solved...kids will be happier....

The sheets thing is pretty yuk tbh. The only time I’d possibly even think of that is if they were siblings. Could your son or daughter ring or message the dad to ask if he would mind picking up an air bed whilst he’s in the city for your daughter to sleep in for the next few nights. You can grab them pretty cheaply from Argos or similar. Failing that id tell her to take the cushions off the sofa and lay them on the floor to sleep on. Being uncomfortable at nighttime is miserable however I don’t think the girlfriend should have to sleep on jt.

While I agree in principle that sexist roles should be challenged, if in reality the grandmother does all the housework/caring work in the house, it's unreasonable to expect a child to challenge this (and not their place).