Clean bedding is a basic hygiene standard, yes?

[Dirrrty]

Ex H has taken our two children several hours' away to visit his parents, along with his new girlfriend.
They live in a three-bed house; one single bed, two double.
My 12yo has phoned me grossed out that he's been put in a bed that his 15yo cousin had slept in the night before (if not longer than one night, he's not sure), and the sheets weren't changed. My 7yo was put on an uncomfortable sofa for the night. During the night, she was so uncomfortable that she got up and asked to be in the bed with ex and new gf. I'm not happy about that at all. He should have known she wouldn't be comfortable on the crappy sofa, and imo, the two children should have been given the double bed, new gf in single bed, and him on the sofa downstairs. He's a selfish arsehole though, so it wouldn't occur to him to think of his children before himself and new gf.
New gf is heading home tonight so my son asked his grandmother if he and his sister could sleep in the double bed tonight, and would she please wash the bedding. (Ex is out with new gf for the day showing her the nearest big city, so kids are dumped with the grandparents doing absolutely nothing, just sat in the house.
I'm not happy about that either.) Ex-mil has told my son she is too busy to wash the bedding (my son says they are just sitting about).

But my aibu is, surely it's basic hygiene when having guests to give them clean sheets???

YANBU - of course they should have clean sheets
YABU - it's not going to kill them, sleeping in used sheets, meh whatever.

Comments re the sleeping arrangements welcome too. Thank you.

I don't think he's overreacting though.

It doesnt matter. If you had minimised the problem, he would have been reassured and felt better about the situation. And that's the most important thing, isn't it? That he is able to adjust and cope with the situation and enjoy himself? Instead you've wound him up more so he's going to not want to be there even more.

Poor Granny is probably exhausted. Who knows what health conditions she has? Maybe she has a headache?

I don't see why Granny is getting stick here.

Doesn't sound like the OP suggested that "poor granny" entertain the children. Presumably their father was meant to be spending this time with them rather than forcing them to sleep in dirty sheets/ without an actual bed at all, then palming them off onto disinterested "poor granny" so he can have a day out with his girlfriend? What shitty parenting. Amazed that anybody is defending it. Must be flying monkey season.

Maybe not everyone voted YABU because they'd be fine with the sheets situation. Maybe people voted YABU, like myself, because it is unreasonable that OP is so involved in what happens on her ex's time. The kids are hardly in danger. She needs to mind her buisness and not encourage the kids the carry stories.

Sorry if I’ve misread but the worry for me is the sharing of beds with your children and older couple? I may well have misunderstood

Hm.

Oh and I'm an adult, I don't watch sport, and I get bored hanging out at my in laws whilst they gawp at the football.

But they probably gripe that when they visit mine, the TV is off and they miss the match.

Since neither of us are hedonist who need their impulses met at every moment, we deal with it to maintain the relationship, which is a good one.

It's not just something I expect of kids.

I think the bedding thing is a bit grim, but not the end of the world - I really don't think my kids would've noticed at that age.

He's a massive wanker though for fucking off for a day out with his new gf without his kids when he spends so little time with them anyway. I would be massively pissed off about that - why couldn't they go with them?

Basic comprehension needed then. The vote was clearly about the bedding. Comments invited for other issues.

OP think of your children first? Is the situation ideal? No. But children do not do well if their parents are divorced and warring and you are getting your children involved in this.

Imagine marrying or having kids with someone whose basic hygiene standards repulsed you!
The mind boggles

Poor kid. I would change sheets even if it had been slept in once by another person. I'd be embarrassed to host anyone and not provide clean bed linen.

Oh my gosh!!! Yes. Exactly. I've been looking for an image for ages! Thank you! And we'll found!

I couldn't get this worked up over a bed that their cousin has slept in 1 night. Seems way OTT.

OP, are you really fine with the idea of your two children sharing a double bed?
Because that seems to me to be the oddest thing about all this.

Your son asked if that could be the arrangement for tonight, I believe. Doesn;t that seem odd to you?

She didn't know til she married him. No living together before marriage. He was on his best behaviour. Pretty typical, of the era.

I agree it seems odd and if I was a grandparent I would not allow it.

He's not going to abuse his sister, if that's what you're getting at. She's more likely to be abused by her grandfather, alone on the ground floor on the sofa.

Calm down its 2pm on the first day of half term 🤣

Oh dear. You’ve really got it in for the op, eh.

hardly wrong to want some good hygiene standards.

@Dirrrty Statistically speaking sibling abuse levels are higher.

My brother used to climb into my bed all the time when we were kids - same age difference, though I was the older one; is that weird?

Quite! @ExistenceOptional . The worrying about cleanliness of bedsheets seems odd by comparison

We don't know that.

it’s gross OP but lots of people will tell you that it’s ok especially if it’s about children.
I would probably send them with a bedsheet and a pillowcase each next time, you can keep them in a bag and it would be your DC’s visiting bag. They might add something in else in the future. But keep the bag at home between visits otherwise the bedding will be used for someone else.