Clean bedding is a basic hygiene standard, yes?

[Dirrrty]

Ex H has taken our two children several hours' away to visit his parents, along with his new girlfriend.
They live in a three-bed house; one single bed, two double.
My 12yo has phoned me grossed out that he's been put in a bed that his 15yo cousin had slept in the night before (if not longer than one night, he's not sure), and the sheets weren't changed. My 7yo was put on an uncomfortable sofa for the night. During the night, she was so uncomfortable that she got up and asked to be in the bed with ex and new gf. I'm not happy about that at all. He should have known she wouldn't be comfortable on the crappy sofa, and imo, the two children should have been given the double bed, new gf in single bed, and him on the sofa downstairs. He's a selfish arsehole though, so it wouldn't occur to him to think of his children before himself and new gf.
New gf is heading home tonight so my son asked his grandmother if he and his sister could sleep in the double bed tonight, and would she please wash the bedding. (Ex is out with new gf for the day showing her the nearest big city, so kids are dumped with the grandparents doing absolutely nothing, just sat in the house.
I'm not happy about that either.) Ex-mil has told my son she is too busy to wash the bedding (my son says they are just sitting about).

But my aibu is, surely it's basic hygiene when having guests to give them clean sheets???

YANBU - of course they should have clean sheets
YABU - it's not going to kill them, sleeping in used sheets, meh whatever.

Comments re the sleeping arrangements welcome too. Thank you.

Some really horrible posts about 15 yo boys here. The cousin hasn't done anything wrong.

same here, I can't believe the comments on here sometimes. The kids feel uncomfy and have also been abandoned by the shit head dad so he can go and spend time with his GF. I mean I would be furious. Lack of care, sloppy, shitty parenting for 5 days the father couldnt make any kind of effort. You lot saying nah not that bad, you sleep in a bed after a 15 year old has been on it, or on the sofa for 5 nights....

I think some people are projecting their own issues onto this.

I think it all sounds very precious.

Yes, normally you’d have clean sheets, but it’s really not a biggie for a child to sleep in a bed in sheets another child slept in. Nothing bad is going to happen as a consequence.

I think some people need to get a bit of perspective on the issue of cleanliness and distinguish between things that are simply personal preferences and things that really matter. We know that these days in the western world we do too much laundry. All the ‘clean towel needed every day’ etc is way over the top. With a lot of the cleanliness things people get upset about, a good question really is, whether anything g seriously bad is going to happen as a result if it. If not, let it go and realise not everyone thinks or lives exactly as you do.

Tbh I can see why granny might think it's ok to let your ds sleep in a bed that's only been used for one night by his cousin. It's not what I would do, and I agree that the sheets should've been changed, but it's not so awful that ds needed to call you or that you need to be worried or stressing about it. People have different standards.

I can also see why, as the smallest and lightest person, your dd was on the sofa - again, not ideal, but I can see why the decision was made.

Are they there all week? If gf is only here today, maybe that explains why your ex is out with his gf. Hopefully, your dc will have more attention and fun on the remaining days.

The gp are rubbish though. I'd change bedding if asked and think of something fun to do.

On balance - it's a bit rubbish but I find your posts to be an overreaction. The kids will definitely pick up on it. Only fuel this if you are happy for them to call dad in the future if they feel let down by you.

Same, and all these people defending what sounds like a shitty sloppy lazy not arsed father. Gross. I mean if you cant just treat your visiting kids for a short time, to a lovely experience, then you're an asshole, simple as that. He can hang out with his GF any other time, he or she can face a bit of discomfort for a little while so that the kids feel safe and secure in the home and are spending quality time with their Father but no....
The way men get let off from basic fucking parenting pisses me off.

i am with you OP, i would be furious if my kids went away with their Dad and he went out with gf and left them. Its's not like chilling at home at someone else's house. The kids stuff isn't there.
One night my a 15 year old girl I could live with but the sofa that doesn't lie flat is unkind. The Dad sounds an arse and the GPS perhaps overwhelmed and dumped on

YANBU - you wouldn’t wear clothes someone had on yesterday, you wouldn’t dry yourself with a towel someone else had used to shower - but there seems to be a ‘clutch’ of people who think sleeping in used bed sheets is ok (but not if a hotel did it, of course). I wouldn’t want to lie my face on someone else’s days old dried in drool, no-one does, so no it’s not ok to sleep in used sheets - ever. Total gross!
I personally think this ‘clutch’ of people are dirty and lazy for not washing bed sheets weekly (tend to find it’s the same folk who think washing them monthly is ok too).

Ex can’t take kids with him for the day?
what are they supposed to do all day - glued to screens? Grandparents can’t crack clean sheets out the cupboard (unless they are so poor as to only have 1 set….).
Going to guess hubby will be retaining double bed as kids comfort is obv not important either - what a fantastic inclusive welcoming impression his family give to the kids (Sarcasm incase that’s misinterpreted) the kids will vote with their feet in future and they only have theirselves to blame!

Yea and why not, or maybe he could have arranged in advance a blow up bed. The fact is hes lazy and not willng to put himself out one bit for the sake of his kids. How shitty.
The way some of you lot let men off is laughable.

What if he's had a wank in there, and my son is sleeping on crusty jizz???

What if he scratched his arsehole and my kid is sleeping in a bed with skidmarks?

It only takes one night of other people's bodily functions in bed to be deemed unsanitary, imo.

This was your reply when someone said the 15 year old doesn’t have the plague.

So posters aren’t assuming you’ve called the cousin a he.

But because posters aren’t agreeing with you you’ve tried to change the story and make out they’re sexist knowing that’s a trigger word for many MNers and a way to get them on side.

Why the FK should SHE do it. My god. Maybe the lazy bastard could have organised himself beforehand hey. But no lets load it all on to a Mum....

I think it's disrespectful not to give the kid clean sheets. I don't care if the cousin slept in that bed for 5 minutes I would change the sheets for my guest. People don't like the idea of sharing sheets with someone unless they are incredibly close to them. So it's not just a hygiene issue imo. I would feel the same as the 15 yo.

Absolutely this. The amount of times on this site that women complain about being exhausted cause the men dont help and then they excuse this quite clearly shit behaviour. I feel sorry for the kids who are feeling uncomfortable, cause its not like they're asking for the world.
Basically a friendly welcoming clean environment it is not....sad

Live and let live. Not everyone lives exactly as you do. Just accept that and don’t stress about things that really aren’t important.

Being so inflexible isn’t helpful for you or for your kids. Life is full of little things we wouldn’t choose, but most of them can be let go, and we are better off for letting them go. Kids also need to learn to do this and those that grow up with parents who have knee-jerk reactions to little things like this, do t learn to be flexible themselves. It’s a real loss for their character development. Learning to build resilience and deal with situations you don’t love (ie sheets or sleeping on sofa) is so important. Don’t block those opportunities and encourage your children to be petty and unable to cope. It really doesn’t do them any favours.

I’m wondering about that comment,pretty disgusting.It’s obvious now that the OP doesn’t like the grandparents..or the fact that ex moved on so quickly…

I completely disagree with nearly all your views. I myself love a fresh set of bedding, but your opposition to dd sleeping in a bed that a 15 yr old had slept in for one night is ott. The sofa bed being uncomfortable is also a petty complaint. And your insistence that your ex and gf should not have slept in the double bed, is just ridiculous.

OP, you claim that the 15 year old is female, yet you mention the possibility of "him" having a wank and your son having to sleep in "crusty jizz" as you so indelicately put it.
So that's why people thought the bed had been slept in by a MALE 15 yo.

Exactly. Why did the GF even need to be there at all? he should have been focusing on his kids, at rock-bottom minimum.

I would expect clean bedding.

I would also expect the dad and girlfriend to have the double bed. I see no issue with a 7 year old sleeping on a sofa for a few nights.

Nor do I see a issue w children being w grandparents for a day.

Cousin has had a sex change, nice. I'm calling balls on the whole story.

I wouldn’t expect clean sheets for close family members after one night and the sleeping arrangements also seem fine to me- although I can’t find the picture of the sofa, so that part might be unreasonable but surely the seat cushions could be moved to the floor?

I think you’ve made up your mind a long time ago that these people don’t meet your standards for housekeeping or parenting/grandparenting. Which is fine, you don’t have to like them, but I’m not sure you’re helping your kids by making that so obvious?

I’m all for respecting a child as much as an adult. If a child feels uncomfortable with a level of cleanliness which isn’t unreasonable, something we would normally do socially for an adult. I see no reason why just because it’s a child asking for clean sheets that should be regardless less than an adult.

YANBU I would definitely expect clean sheets after anyone had slept in them

76 replies by the OP. Seventy six. Is that right??

OP, you honestly need to do some reflecting on why this small issue, which is nothing to do with you, has moved you to make 76 posts.

I imagine they'll cope just fine. They'll be having an adventure with a mum who cares about them and who cares that they have a good time.