Clean bedding is a basic hygiene standard, yes?

[Dirrrty]

Ex H has taken our two children several hours' away to visit his parents, along with his new girlfriend.
They live in a three-bed house; one single bed, two double.
My 12yo has phoned me grossed out that he's been put in a bed that his 15yo cousin had slept in the night before (if not longer than one night, he's not sure), and the sheets weren't changed. My 7yo was put on an uncomfortable sofa for the night. During the night, she was so uncomfortable that she got up and asked to be in the bed with ex and new gf. I'm not happy about that at all. He should have known she wouldn't be comfortable on the crappy sofa, and imo, the two children should have been given the double bed, new gf in single bed, and him on the sofa downstairs. He's a selfish arsehole though, so it wouldn't occur to him to think of his children before himself and new gf.
New gf is heading home tonight so my son asked his grandmother if he and his sister could sleep in the double bed tonight, and would she please wash the bedding. (Ex is out with new gf for the day showing her the nearest big city, so kids are dumped with the grandparents doing absolutely nothing, just sat in the house.
I'm not happy about that either.) Ex-mil has told my son she is too busy to wash the bedding (my son says they are just sitting about).

But my aibu is, surely it's basic hygiene when having guests to give them clean sheets???

YANBU - of course they should have clean sheets
YABU - it's not going to kill them, sleeping in used sheets, meh whatever.

Comments re the sleeping arrangements welcome too. Thank you.

Absolutely disgusting, clean sheets every time someone new sleeps in a bed are a must!

So what have you said to DC OP?

Yes, they had a cupboard full, last time I was there. Maybe they've minimialised though? But yes. Quite. They just don't want to, even though my son has asked for clean sheets.

To put a t-shirt over the pillow at least, and just get on with it.

They absolutely know how uncomfortable that sofa is. Please see the photo upthread. It is not suitable for sleeping on

And yet you were happy for the girlfriend to sleep on it.

Agree with you. She should change the sheets and the children should get the double bed. This is basic stuff in the care of children. It is also awful that ex takes gf sightseeing but dumps kids with his mother who couldn’t care less about them.

OP, you need to detach, and pick your battles. Absent actual safeguarding issues, you have no say over how the children spend the time with their father. Sheets that have already been slept in are no big deal, nor is a night on the sofa or floor. It's good for your children to learn that. I don't suppose ExH or the in-laws ever met your exacting standards yet you chose to conceive with him anyway. It's done now. You need to find a way of accepting the ramifications of your past decisions or you'll have a very stressful life.

OP: "AIBU?"
Everyone: "Yes, YABU."
OP: "OMG I am not how dare you. You are all so wrong"

I didn't say it was one night. I said it was AT LEAST one night. Not that, to me, it matters whether it was one night or ten. It's dirty.

I am not that surprised they favour their other GC given how whiny the 12 year old sounds. I wouldn't like a grandson who told me what to do in my own house and spent his time ringing his mum to complain about me ( there is no way they haven't noticed this by now)

I've not said that at all. I've said I'm very surprised though.

Ziiiiiiing

They haven't noticed, as my kids have been sent outside to the summer house to chill out. They aren't being paid any attention.

What a vile thing to say about an upset 12yo boy.

If your son is so ‘upset’ about the sheet that was slept on by his cousin for one night ,could he put a clean sheet on the bed 🤷‍♀️?
I am now realising I must have been a ‘massive fail ‘when my kids were younger…I never changed sheets after the children had friends for a sleepover .

Wouldn't bother me if it was visibly clean. TBH not sure I'd not if it has only been slept in once. Quite surprised a 12 YO did! Bills are expensive enough without lots of laundry

Not everyone thinks she is being unreasonable though. Lots of us agree it is gross and crappy parenting.

Please quote where I said this. You can't, because I didn't.

What I actually said, was the gf should be in the single room, and my ex should have taken the sofa.

Please try harder.

TBF over 38% of us think she is NBU from the poll. I disagree with the majority.

What a vile thing to say about an upset 12yo boy

.............says the OP who has said vile things about her ex-husband and her ex-parents-in-law.
Double standards, OP.

If it makes you feel better my house is always clean and tidy. I’m a bit of a neat freak and in those circumstances I can’t guarantee I’d have changed them. I would have checked them to make sure they were clean and would strip a bed in between adult guests or if it had been slept in for more than a night but with cousins and a busy household I possibly wouldn’t have. It would have had no reflection on how I felt about my guests. I think you need to realise that you’re never going to feel great about the way things are done but focus on your children realising that everyone does things differently and encouraging them to make the best of their stay. I hope you’re able to relax and enjoy a bit of a break while they are away.

My son knows for a fact that his cousin was in it the previous night. Potentially other nights too.

Maybe he wouldn't have noticed otherwise. But now that he knows, he finds it gross.

He called me not whining, but asking what he should do.

Well quite. My grandmother would have slapped me by now TBH.

At 12, I would have changed the sheets myself if I was that bothered rather than hassling an elderly lady.

Op, you are filling your kids heads full of shit about their family.

Step back for one minute and think about the damage you are doing to those kids.

I've seen it happen before were a mother done the exact same to their child over every single issue that their father did and that child has grown up to be the most obnoxious entitled individual you could every meet.

It's not them, it's you, pull back now before you cause anymore unnecessary problems.

I wouldn't like this, I wouldn't do it to anyone of any age, new guest = clean bedding to me.

" . . . as my kids have been sent outside to the summer house to chill out. They aren't being paid any attention." But isn't this quite normal? When my kids stay with grandparents, the grandparents often get on with their thing in the house and the kids either chat to them while that happens or the kids amuse themselves. As indeed was the case when I was a kid. What attention to you think they should be paid?