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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I do not want my husband to play sport on Sunday

122 replies

CG2022 · 13/02/2023 11:04

Am I being unreasonable? My husband plays for a sunday league football team, he leaves around 9am and comes back by 2pm. However he works most Saturdays (as well as Monday -Friday) and I also work full time Mon-Friday. This leaves us with Sunday as the only confirmed family day and he ruins it every week by leaving us, even though he is home by 2pm its hard to do anything fun because everything shuts earlier on Sunday. We have been together since we were 18, we are both 32 now and I have a 2 year old and I am pregnant, baby is due in May. We have had a really bad argument about it this weekend, he says its the only thing he can do for himself and I get that but there inst any time in the week for me at all to do anything for myself. I feel really lonely at weekends, I enjoy being with my daughter but I am having a high-risk pregnancy so it is hard for me to do things with her at the moment and I really need his help plus I also want to be with him and spend proper family time together. He is the only one out of his group of friends that still plays sport at the weekend, so I am constantly seeing IG stories of our friends at play parks, swimming and fun activities. I am really down about it and we are not talking at the moment. Please let me know if I am being totally unreasonable :(

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 13/02/2023 11:11

On the one hand, I don't think it's fair that he gets every Sunday to himself while you never get time to yourself.

On the other hand he works six days a week and I do think it's important for parents to have regular time "out" to themselves where possible - but that doesn't have to mean opting out of family life for six hours every Sunday.

Does he need to work the Saturdays?

FourAndTwentyBlackbirdsBakedInAPie · 13/02/2023 11:17

He is being unfair.

He needs to either cut back his Saturday working to every other week, or play football maybe once or twice a month.

He is a parent of (nearly) 2 very young kids, these are the years where 'me' time is pretty scarce.

He sees you as the default parent and anything he contributes is 'helping you out'.

Velvian · 13/02/2023 11:17

Can he cut down his work hours?

Namechanger965 · 13/02/2023 11:21

YANBU. Why does he need 5 hours to play football? How far away is it? Can he not go after work one evening? Or the football every other week?

I do think both parents should get some time to themselves, but this isn’t fair as you aren’t getting any time. And he’s about to have 2 young children, most parents accept that in the early years time to yourself is harder to get.

Freddiefox · 13/02/2023 11:21

Neither are wrong. I think you need to look at your financial situation and how you can change that because working 6 days a week, you full time and toddler and new born on the way is going to be so much harder than it already is.

is he working 6 days a permanent thing? Could he increase his hours per day and then not work on the Saturday?

Pirateships · 13/02/2023 11:22

Its unfortunate he has to work Saturdays, is there any way he can negotiate not? I know it's unlikely but I see both sides to be honest, I play a sport at the weekend and I really love it, its important to me and I'd be loathe to give it up- but we are fortunate that we have other full days as a family so not quite the same.

Chamomileteaplease · 13/02/2023 11:23

I agree about the work hours. This is the crux of the matter. And although that will mean less money coming in, it will be cheaper and less stressful than divorce.

Both of you need time to relax and have some me time.

He is however, being very selfish at the moment. Are you able to get one of his friends who have stopped the football to have a word with him about it? Sadly he may listen more if it comes from someone else.

However, working six days a week will help no family or relationship so this is where to start, surely?

Tattytaylor · 13/02/2023 11:23

YANBU. He shouldn't have had children if he wanted to keep a day of the week to himself when he is working the other six. Kinda tough shit when you decide to procreate.

Wiggleinherwalk · 13/02/2023 11:24

Could he switch to a mid-week evening football game? So he can still play after work, but you'd have your Sundays together?

Daizie · 13/02/2023 11:24

He is being unfair, not the playing football but the being out of the house 7 days a week. Why does he work so much?

Rumplestrumpet · 13/02/2023 11:31

As others have said, there needs to be a compromise.

Look at cutting down his Saturdays at work- can he change gis hours, work more in the week, or does he need to move to a different role/company altogether? Everything should be considered.

Otherwise a fair compromise would be once a month Sunday football, ( plus possibly an evening midweek if doable), and that you fget some time to yourself, either on a Sunday or get family help in a Saturday so you're not always alone with the kids.

Original poster
CG2022 · 13/02/2023 11:31

Thank you so much for all of your replies. It's good to get other people's views because sometimes I feel like I am in the right and other times I feel like a total monster for even bringing it up. No he doesn't have to work on Saturdays, he is in construction and chooses to do this (mainly helping out a friend who does not have children or responsibilities), there are a handful of weekends that he doesn't but mostly he does. I will speak with him tonight and I will suggest he has to either a) work at the weekend or b) play football at the weekend - not both.

OP posts:
Lockheart · 13/02/2023 11:32

Neither of you are wrong, but he needs to cut down his working hours so that he's doing a more normal week and has created flexibility, and you need to stop obsessing over what your friends are posting on Instagram and try to carve out some time for yourself.

I've never understood the obsession with "family time". Unless we went on a specific day out or to visit grandparents we just used to hang out at home and do our own things, by and large. What sort of things do you want to do with this "family time" OP?

Rumplestrumpet · 13/02/2023 11:32

Well that's pretty clear then - no good reason for him to be away ¾ of the weekend leaving you with the kids.

I hope he sees sense!

Makegoodchoices · 13/02/2023 11:34

It’s the ‘social’ hours that are the problem here. If it was just the playing time then you’d still be able to have a day as it’d be done by 11.30. It is selfish but not that uncommon as so many men develop a love for a time consuming hobby that takes them out of the house when their children are small.

Many of these dads come into their own when the kids are old enough for weekend sport - so while it’ll still be sports he could be the coach etc. Mine is now involved in football, rugby and cricket coaching, so while the sport is relentless it is at least more community and family focused!

DottyLittleRainbow · 13/02/2023 11:36

If affordable I think it would be reasonable to suggest he cuts out the Saturday working to allow family time/your leisure time and time for him to play sport at the weekends.

Noicant · 13/02/2023 11:36

YANBU DH and I have accepted that while little it’s pretty much all hands on deck. Once in a while one of us has other things to do but we are very conscious of the fact that if one of us is absent the other is picking up the slack. It’s really fucking inconsiderate frankly.

fluffi · 13/02/2023 11:40

How long has you DH been working Saturdays for? How long has he been playing Sunday league football?

If he was doing both before kids then did you discuss things like family time before deciding to have children?

Presumably he’s working Saturdays cos you need the money, so dropping hours isn’t an option.

If you didn’t discuss before children then it’s not unreasonable for your DH to assume things would continue as before and I can see why asking him to give up football has led to an argument.

If he’s working 6 days a week then demanding he give up Sunday league football seems unreasonable if it wasn’t discussed prior to children.

Time40 · 13/02/2023 11:41

No he doesn't have to work on Saturdays, he is in construction and chooses to do this

Well there you are - that's your answer. He has to stop working on Saturdays. And you need some time to yourself, OP.

TooSmallForTheMembrane · 13/02/2023 11:42

Does he really need to work 6 days per week?
And does Sunday league football really need to last 5 hours?

DH and I both work, and have hobbies/training commitments. We do this by both taking part of each day of the weekend to do our own thing. For example, I might run with a friend on Saturday morning, the kids will have a chilled day at home, he’ll cycle in the afternoon. Then on Sunday morning he’ll run with friends early, we’ll do a family activity from say 11-3, and then I’ll do something (run/walk/cycle whatever) in the afternoon. Sometimes if one of us has a race or wants to do Parkrun or something, we’ll go as a family and do something together afterwards. It’s about being flexible and doing what works for everyone.

He needs to understand that you need your own time, and you need to spend time as a family too. If he’s working all day Saturday, then he needs to do an hour or two on a Sunday morning or afternoon at most. And if you want to go off and do your own thing, that needs to be accommodated too.

(But do remember that what you see others doing on SM is utter bollocks!)

Clymene · 13/02/2023 11:43

He's a selfish self absorbed twat and you're having another baby with him.

LlynTegid · 13/02/2023 11:43

What you are going to discuss is reasonable. I think no Saturday working the better choice myself.

MsMarch · 13/02/2023 11:43

Yup, the problem is the work AND football combined. And let's be honest - he's "working" on a Saturday, but it's with his friend, they're hanging out and really, it's not like it's causing him problems. YOU need time to yourself and he needs to be a father - spend time with his DC etc.

fluffi · 13/02/2023 11:43

Ah just seen your update that he doesn’t have to work on Saturdays … in that case it’s more reasonable to him to find a way to spend time with family at weekend. Let him decide whether it’s work or foootball though …

BabyOnBoard90 · 13/02/2023 11:47

YABU imo

Very healthy both physically and mentally for him to engage in such activities. I'm not sure I agree with the notion that all time outside of work should be devoted to family time - we all need to do things for ourselves.

Perhaps there's a compromise? Reserve evenings that are less busy, and every other Sunday so you can do something as a family.

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