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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I do not want my husband to play sport on Sunday

122 replies

CG2022 · 13/02/2023 11:04

Am I being unreasonable? My husband plays for a sunday league football team, he leaves around 9am and comes back by 2pm. However he works most Saturdays (as well as Monday -Friday) and I also work full time Mon-Friday. This leaves us with Sunday as the only confirmed family day and he ruins it every week by leaving us, even though he is home by 2pm its hard to do anything fun because everything shuts earlier on Sunday. We have been together since we were 18, we are both 32 now and I have a 2 year old and I am pregnant, baby is due in May. We have had a really bad argument about it this weekend, he says its the only thing he can do for himself and I get that but there inst any time in the week for me at all to do anything for myself. I feel really lonely at weekends, I enjoy being with my daughter but I am having a high-risk pregnancy so it is hard for me to do things with her at the moment and I really need his help plus I also want to be with him and spend proper family time together. He is the only one out of his group of friends that still plays sport at the weekend, so I am constantly seeing IG stories of our friends at play parks, swimming and fun activities. I am really down about it and we are not talking at the moment. Please let me know if I am being totally unreasonable :(

OP posts:
Botw1 · 13/02/2023 11:48

Yanbu

He is being a selfish prick absolving himself of family life

He needs to stop both the extra unnecessary work on a sat and playing football every Sun.

Chances are he won't and you'll be left effectively a single parent to 2 under 2

Im willing to bet he's useless during the week as well

How on earth have you ended up having 2 kids with someone who clearly isn't interested?

rainbowtwist · 13/02/2023 11:49

Botw1 · 13/02/2023 11:48

Yanbu

He is being a selfish prick absolving himself of family life

He needs to stop both the extra unnecessary work on a sat and playing football every Sun.

Chances are he won't and you'll be left effectively a single parent to 2 under 2

Im willing to bet he's useless during the week as well

How on earth have you ended up having 2 kids with someone who clearly isn't interested?

This.

Things change when you become a parent and you have to make sacrifices. That's part and parcel of family life. This guy just living the single life while OP picks up the pieces.

RightOnTheEdge · 13/02/2023 11:52

I think if you can afford for him to not work on Saturdays then that would be his best choice, then you could have Saturdays as a family and he can go to football on Sunday.

You need to talk to him about you needing a break and some time for yourself too! Either Sunday afternoons after football or sometime after work in the week he should be looking after your daughter himself so you also get a break and do something for you!

Truthlikeness · 13/02/2023 11:56

He's being unreasonable expecting to continue playing Sunday league when he has a family and works 6 days a week. And I say that as someone who plays weekend football. Weekend 11-a-side is the most time consuming football. He should switch to evening 5-a-side if he wants to continue playing.

FuelledbyCaffeine11 · 13/02/2023 11:58

Does he get up with the dc before leaving at 9, is he going to the pub afterwards? 5 hours for football seems excessive. What does he do when he gets home?

GoodChat · 13/02/2023 12:03

FuelledbyCaffeine11 · 13/02/2023 11:58

Does he get up with the dc before leaving at 9, is he going to the pub afterwards? 5 hours for football seems excessive. What does he do when he gets home?

Of course he's going to the pub - it's the reason men play Sunday league Grin

Truthlikeness · 13/02/2023 12:03

FuelledbyCaffeine11 · 13/02/2023 11:58

Does he get up with the dc before leaving at 9, is he going to the pub afterwards? 5 hours for football seems excessive. What does he do when he gets home?

11-a-side is time consuming. He probably has a 10.30am kick-off. Let's say 30 mins travel and you would be expected to get there an hour before to get changed, warm up, put up nets, have a team talk etc.

The game including half time and cool down would take 2 hours, so be over by 12.30. A hour to get changed and probably get a beer or snack and 30 mins home.

maddy68 · 13/02/2023 12:05

I think you are a bit u reasonable. I totally understand where you are coming from but he needs down time too. It's not like he's doing crack he's playing a sport.

It's probably only for the season anyway ?

ShillyShallySherbet · 13/02/2023 12:06

I think you need equal child free time so 5 hours on another day and he doesn’t work or you have every other Sunday and he misses football on those weeks.

CountZacular · 13/02/2023 12:06

YANBU. With small children 9-2 can be the best part of the day and in winter it’s dark by 4 so it doesn’t leave any time to do anything. I’m also concerned that you don’t have any time for yourself and if you can get any, it will literally be the last time slot in the week available to fit around everyone else.

He needs to swap to an evening session or drop the extra working Saturday. He can’t have it both ways. He also needs to realise with small children he can’t commit to every week.

Tohaveandtohold · 13/02/2023 12:10

The main problem is the work on Saturdays because since it’s not important, that day is meant to be dedicated for the family whilst he has Sundays to play sports and also spend the rest of the day with you.
I feel everyone needs to have a down time and I won’t begrudge him playing football once a week as his only hobby but there needs to be time for family.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 13/02/2023 12:13

5 hours for football is normal for those questioning it. When my DC play at the weekend we're usually out of the house between 8.30/9 if playing away and not home until 1.30/2 and that's without stopping for food on the way home!

I think what you're going to ask him is a good compromise OP. Either Saturday working or Sunday football needs to go! And if he agrees to give up working Saturdays I think you should get one Saturday a month to yourself as well if he's getting Sunday to play football.

GoodChat · 13/02/2023 12:14

ShillyShallySherbet · 13/02/2023 12:06

I think you need equal child free time so 5 hours on another day and he doesn’t work or you have every other Sunday and he misses football on those weeks.

She doesn't want child free time. She wants family time.

Mistressofnone · 13/02/2023 12:19

YANBU. We have similar issues with DH and I only having Sundays together, but one a month he goes off to do his hobby. Two seem to be taken up by seeing his parents (they are separated) and that leaves us one Sunday a month as a family.

I think your DH should swap a work day for his sport day. Or take a day off in the week instead to spend as a family.

TrishM80 · 13/02/2023 12:21

Yabu.

He's home 2pm every Sunday, you have the rest of the day.

Football season isn't 12 months, presumably he'll have the summer months off.

He's 32. He probably only has a couple more years of competitive football left.

I think you need to back off a little bit.

Orangello · 13/02/2023 12:23

Is he actually working or helping out his friend for free?

Jimboscott0115 · 13/02/2023 12:24

I think the cutting back in either one of work or football is a sensible conversation to have because of the lack of time he's having with DC.

In terms of the football though, kickoff for Sunday league is pretty much always 10.30, finishing just after 12 - why is your husband coming back so late? I'm guessing he's going for a drink with the team after? I've never known a team where everyone goes for a drink after and most players usually didn't.

Usually it's meet up at 9.30ish and then head home after the game so it depends a little on how far his team travels/where the home ground is but there's definitely some piss taking going on somewhere!

I played for years on Saturday or Sunday, but always had the full afternoon of that day, plus all of the other day to allow the kids mum to go out or for all of us to do family things.

KangarooKenny · 13/02/2023 12:24

You need equal child free time, and playing football is good for his body and mind, so he needs to do whatever he has to to ensure you get your time too.

Thepurplelantern · 13/02/2023 12:26

I remember getting these kinds of responses when I was going through something similar. The ‘poor men they need their “me time” responses’ but it is just internalised misogyny. Now years later even my DH acknowledges that he was completely taking the piss. We worked through it. We balanced things back and things always improve with time as kids get older anyway. While the notion persists that children are the domain of women you are always going to have these types of issues. Children are the domain of both parents and bringing him to that realisation is going to be important for you to have a healthy relationship.

Mothership4two · 13/02/2023 12:35

Was going to vote yabu until I saw that he works Saturdays. As others have said he needs to give up working at weekends especially with a young family.

Clymene · 13/02/2023 12:36

KangarooKenny · 13/02/2023 12:24

You need equal child free time, and playing football is good for his body and mind, so he needs to do whatever he has to to ensure you get your time too.

It is not about child free time. It's the fact that he doesn't spend any time with his family.

Football is irrelevant

Botw1 · 13/02/2023 12:37

@TrishM80

He has a 2 yo and another baby on the way.

Would you be saying the same if the roles were reversed and the op was the one never seeing her kids?

If she expected her oh to parent them alone every weekend? And told him he was being unreasonable to expect them to spend any time as a family or for her to look after her kids alone so her oh could get some time to himself?

Back off a bit my arse!

MiniCooperLover · 13/02/2023 12:38

He's doing absolutely nothing in terms of family time now, there's nothing to say he's going to get any better when there are two. OP needs to get the point over to him now, he needs to be present now!

Botw1 · 13/02/2023 12:39

Also if he gets to keep up his football every sun then basically that's saying his wants are always the priority

What if the op wants to do something that's good for her body and mind on a sun?

Botw1 · 13/02/2023 12:40

@Jimboscott0115

How magnanimous of you

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