I do not want my husband to play sport on Sunday

[CG2022]

Am I being unreasonable? My husband plays for a sunday league football team, he leaves around 9am and comes back by 2pm. However he works most Saturdays (as well as Monday -Friday) and I also work full time Mon-Friday. This leaves us with Sunday as the only confirmed family day and he ruins it every week by leaving us, even though he is home by 2pm its hard to do anything fun because everything shuts earlier on Sunday. We have been together since we were 18, we are both 32 now and I have a 2 year old and I am pregnant, baby is due in May. We have had a really bad argument about it this weekend, he says its the only thing he can do for himself and I get that but there inst any time in the week for me at all to do anything for myself. I feel really lonely at weekends, I enjoy being with my daughter but I am having a high-risk pregnancy so it is hard for me to do things with her at the moment and I really need his help plus I also want to be with him and spend proper family time together. He is the only one out of his group of friends that still plays sport at the weekend, so I am constantly seeing IG stories of our friends at play parks, swimming and fun activities. I am really down about it and we are not talking at the moment. Please let me know if I am being totally unreasonable :(

@Q2C4

it doesn’t have to be every single weekend though does it

Sounds like you and the dc are at the bottom of the pile, helping his friend and playing football are coming about family time. When do you get time to yourself op?

Sport is great and good for you.

You need to do.it while you can, one day you might not be able too.
Yabu.

I used to play for a ladies team every Sunday and I gave it up because of this, my husband did the same.

He could join a midweek 5 a side league instead, there are lots around.

And one day your kids grow up and that opportunity to be with them has gone and they may resent you and the fact daddy was never there

Yes, YABU.

No he doesn't have to work on Saturdays, he is in construction and chooses to do this

This ^ is the issue. The fact he is choosing to work, not the fact he is choosing to keep fit whilst spending time relaxing with friends.

but there inst any time in the week for me at all to do anything for myself

Why not ?
Why do you choose to not ring fence a little bit of time to relax in whatever way you choose to spend time either with your pals, or doing something you really enjoy ?

so I am constantly seeing IG stories of our friends at play parks, swimming and fun activities.

I really wouldn't take "typical life" as being what might be shown on a few Instagram stories.

Saturday. It’s very obvious.

Never known a builder who didn't knock off at about 3.30pm! I wonder about the week generally - OP would it help if he said he was home 4.30pm, 2 or 3 nights a week, he does bath and bedtime, you get to relax, go to the gym or see a friend- then the Sunday afternoons are family time? Might even things out a bit. No idea whether that's feasible for his work. Or just doing half the Saturday, like getting up early and back by 12, say.

The other thing I wonder about is mornings. If he's always working or going out, do you ever get a lie in? I'm thinking not, which is brutal for a mum of a toddler and also for someone pregnant.

There is no way this would be acceptable to me. Put your foot down op and stop bloody doubting yourself.

Your children deserve better too, he sounds very self-centred and selfish to me.

For those saying his football days will end soon be warned. My dh played football until he was 60..not competitively but still out. But it was midweek. Only retired through injury but his team mates are still playing!!
Focus on changing the Saturday and making it family time including cleaning Saturday morning as when does he actually do his share of housework?
Leave the football as it is his time and you won't resent it after a nice Saturday. I hope he realises how hands on he needs to be when the new baby comes with a toddler in the house.

Where is the equivalent for ops time off in your suggestion?

If the football for five hours every Saturday is very important to him (and in and of itself if you got equal free time that would be perfectly legitimate) then he needs to stop helping out his friend all day every Saturday.

It's all very well him framing it as working six days per week, but as it isn't actually his job and he's not doing it out if financial necessity but in order to help/ hang out with a friend it's actually completely disingenuous to play the martyr about only having Sundays free (especially as he still has more free time than you do)!

Its obviously completely unbalanced that you do just over 6.5 days per week of childcare with no time for yourself when he's choosing how all of Saturday and Sunday until 2pm are spent.

I think you are being ridiculous to be honest.

Everyone needs some kind of outlet outside the home and to see friends. It is good for his physical and mental health.

I would instead look at whether both of you can find ways to have a better work-life balance and work less hours.

Yes. Absolutely ridiculous. You're a mother. It's your job to look after your young children all through the week, alone. And also all day Saturday. And then most of the day Sunday. You should be grateful he comes home at all on Sunday! Christ...what a low bar we have set for women.

YANBU X

He needs to stop working Saturdays. He is out of the house 7 days a week. That is not workable when you have a young family. Can he do something mid week after work instead?
Fact: life changes when you choose to become a parent. If you want the same life then don’t have children.

This may be nothing (and OP is writing as just herself) but I found it telling that she said “I” Have a toddler, not “we”

''@Its2amimustbelonely · Today 08:54
Greenfairydust · Today 08:48
I think you are being ridiculous to be honest.

Everyone needs some kind of outlet outside the home and to see friends. It is good for his physical and mental health.

I would instead look at whether both of you can find ways to have a better work-life balance and work less hours.
Yes. Absolutely ridiculous. You're a mother. It's your job to look after your young children all through the week, alone. And also all day Saturday. And then most of the day Sunday. You should be grateful he comes home at all on Sunday! Christ...what a low bar we have set for women.''

Here we go with the faux outrage...

This is not a man vs woman argument it is the point that it is healthy for couples to have outside interests and friends rather than spend all their time together/on family activities which can become quite claustrophobic.

The issue here is that they both work too many hours, not the fact that one partner has a hobby. Unless they tackle that root issue, the problem will remain.

Exercise is important... but losing the majority of Sunday to 5 hours revolving around football is not about exercise, it's about socialising which is being denied to OP, along with any decent time with her husband and him being a father.

Wanting to spend time together while children are at playgrounds is hardly desiring the high life. Family time doesn't have to be all glitzy #makingmemories, it's about sharing the load and company.

When my DCs were 18m/ 3, I managed to do a half marathon, because it took up to 2 hours of running which was fitted around family life, early in the day before they were particularly active and then the rest of the day was free. Heck, OP would be better off with a marathon runner as he'd only want a few 4 hour runs!

Not being free until 2pm especially with young children is restrictive. Mid-winter, that's less than 2 hours of light, 25% of the year it's only a few hours left, and most young children aren't fit for much beyond 4, 5pm at any time of the year anyway.

He is being incredibly selfish and ignoring the needs of his wife and children. There is a lot of capacity to make compromises here.

Outside interests are important. Anyone who has had a stress/mental health conversation with a doctor will be aware they discuss how this is needed and is something that people should do.

also a morning a week isn’t too out there in terms of a time commitment.

that said, on top of 6 days working it does mean he’s not around much, so I do think a different balance needs to be struck. I think you need an outside focus a bit, life shouldn’t be totally about family time, your interests matter too, and he should step bavk and see what can be done to address the balance a bit.

he’s not a monster for playing football once a week, you’re not a monster for feeling he’s not really around enough. This is one for talking and compromise I think

Yes neither of you are wrong but it’s currently not fair as it is.

I should say my experience of this was that I had a hobby that was broadly every other Saturday night (6pm to midnight ish). My wife at the time was fine, I was very clear she should do equal time, go out in the the week or the other Saturdays but she never wanted to. Then she claimed my hobby was an issue as part of the divorce process.

I’ll never really know if I was the arse, or she was just throwing stones at that point, but I maintain that hobbies are important, do is equal time, and so is talking

Football season usually finishes in April until Sept so you have all of the nicer weather to do full days out. My husband and son (late teens) have done football on Saturdays since he was 6 yrs old. Me and daughter have either used it as an excuse to have a lazy morning in bed. Or we go and watch to get some fresh air.

This is the solution. If he doesn’t need to work then make him knock that on the head not the hobby