I do not want my husband to play sport on Sunday

[CG2022]

Am I being unreasonable? My husband plays for a sunday league football team, he leaves around 9am and comes back by 2pm. However he works most Saturdays (as well as Monday -Friday) and I also work full time Mon-Friday. This leaves us with Sunday as the only confirmed family day and he ruins it every week by leaving us, even though he is home by 2pm its hard to do anything fun because everything shuts earlier on Sunday. We have been together since we were 18, we are both 32 now and I have a 2 year old and I am pregnant, baby is due in May. We have had a really bad argument about it this weekend, he says its the only thing he can do for himself and I get that but there inst any time in the week for me at all to do anything for myself. I feel really lonely at weekends, I enjoy being with my daughter but I am having a high-risk pregnancy so it is hard for me to do things with her at the moment and I really need his help plus I also want to be with him and spend proper family time together. He is the only one out of his group of friends that still plays sport at the weekend, so I am constantly seeing IG stories of our friends at play parks, swimming and fun activities. I am really down about it and we are not talking at the moment. Please let me know if I am being totally unreasonable :(

Ideally people should be able to keep up hobbies etc but things change when you have children. There is no entitlement to “me time” or hobbies, or at least there isn’t if you give a shiny shit about your partner children.

here, given Sunday is the only available day when you’re all free, it’s a straight choice as to what’s more important, his family or his sport.

I’m loathe to suggest he stop earning on a Saturday in the current climate, especially with another one on the way, to accommodate a hobby, unless you really are very comfortable financially.

football stops till the kids are older and caring for them is less physically demanding. I love playing sport and always used to play hockey at weekends. I don’t anymore, because I have young kids and there just isn’t the time without sacrificing things which aren’t as important as sport, frankly.

I find that a really odd comment when I was just highlighting how he can still play football but spend time with his family and give the OP time to themselves if needed. Her partner isn't doing this, hence needs to sort something out regarding work or football without doing both.

It's not odd.

It highlights the problem

You and the ops oh put yourself first and think it's OK for you to 'give' the woman time off when it suits you like an employee.

It's not up to you to decide alone that you will play football when you like and your partner should fit in around that

What if they had a hobby that required every sat and sun out?

Another selfish entitled man who thinks he can act single because his other half is always the one expected to parent...

Why is he gone for 5 hours? Are they having drinks etc after? If that’s the case he needs to play then come home. Why should his ‘down time’ be more important than yours. You’re right, by 2pm on a Sunday there’s really no point going out. He’s being selfish - expecting his life to carry on as normal and you pick up all the slack. My dh is older than yours but now plays 5-a-side at 8pm in the week. This doesn’t really disrupt anything and he’s still social and getting exercise. Could he swap to something like this?

You also say time off if needed

Why wouldn't it be needed?

If you 'need' every sat or Sun off why wouldn't they need the same?

The woman is not the default parent, there doing all the work until you volantaruly decide they are allowed some time off at your convenience

YABVU

So he only gets one day off, and wants to spend a few hours of it doing something he enjoys?

You're making his life a misery because of jealousy of Instagram posts?

If you do this he'll end up fat and miserable.

@starfro

And when does the op get to do something she enjoys so that she doesn't end up 'fat and miserable'?!

Shouldn't he spend his one day of enjoying being with his children

Fuck me the sexism on this thread

Yes, quite. So quick to think about the ‘poor menz’ needing their time and no comment on where OP is supposed to have some time to herself or when he’s expected to actually spend time with his family.

Of course some men dissapear at weekends when their children are young.

Work on Saturdays, play sport Sunday, it's very telling of the type of person they are, not wanting family time, they are not family orientated.

Some men are like that, selfish and make dreadful fathers.
It's a fact but I doubt you'll change him, even if he gave up a days work or sport his face would be like a slapped arse if he spent the day with you.

He's not going to grow up.

YANBU when does he play with your DC?

One day off but no family time? Really? Isn't that much more unhealthy? Is that fair to his children?

You would have more free time if you divorced and he was forced to have the children 50% of the time.

But then he would just dump them on another female.

So he's happy to spend his Saturdays working to help out a friend but not happy to spend any time with you or the children.
I think you need more help than his friend as you are having a tough pregnancy.
He HAS to give up either the Saturday or the Sunday or he risks losing his marriage because of resentment and anger on your part.
I would not put up with this shit.
It sounds to me like he's actively trying to avoid family life.
It isn't acceptable.

It would be lovely for him to be able to play football every weekend, and hobbies are really important. Unfortunately he's a parent, so his parenting responsibilities come far above his desire to play football and do optional work on a Saturday. He shouldn't have become a parent if he didn't want to accept that.

Even if he did every other Sunday and OP does something she enjoys on the other Sunday, that still leaves OP in a situation where she never gets to spend a full day with her husband or as a whole family.

It is not unreasonable to expect to spend time with your husband ffs

9-2 is an outrageous amount of time to be out when you have tiny kids. 5 hours for a game of football???????? He should be able to cut that time in half.

You need to have a decent mix of child free time, family time and couple time. It's not fair that you get no say in your own week. What happens if you want to do something with your friends at the weekend? Does he stay home or is the child at grandparents etc?

I sort of had similar with DH in the past. He played sport every Saturday but he was out from 12/1pm until 6/7pm. He then started going on massive long bike rides on a Sunday and I had to speak with him as it wasn't fair. I hate having my weekends dictated to me and it wasn't what I had signed up for when having DS. We've found a happy balance ATM which is great but it took a lot to get there

I see he doesn't have to work Saturdays; he's 'helping' out a friend, ie socialising elsewhere and avoiding family responsibilities.

He's opting out of family life and dumping it all on you. He knows you have to pick up all the slack on the weekends. He knows you don't get any time to yourself. He doesn't care.

That's the real issue.

He doesn't care.

So you need to decide if this is acceptable? These children are his responsibility too. Why does he get to opt out of actually being there and doing for them?

OP is miserable, but apparently that doesn't matter, eh?

And he doesn't only get one day off. He's CHOOSING to piss off and 'help' a friend on Saturdays, then disappearing to play with other friends on Sundays.

*Yanbu

He is being a selfish prick absolving himself of family life

He needs to stop both the extra unnecessary work on a sat and playing football every Sun.

Chances are he won't and you'll be left effectively a single parent to 2 under 2

Im willing to bet he's useless during the week as well

How on earth have you ended up having 2 kids with someone who clearly isn't interested?

This.

Things change when you become a parent and you have to make sacrifices. That's part and parcel of family life. This guy just living the single life while OP picks up the pieces.*

No not this at all.

a compromise needs to be made but it's certainly not "no one ever do anything but spend time with their family at the weekend and forget everything that makes you a person"

My husband has a time consuming hobby that he does at the weekend but he is back by the afternoon and I really don't see the problem, with 2 pm there is still plenty of time left. Although I would have a chat with him about the additional Saturday work. I go out and do my hobby a couple of week nights then we spend time altogether on the weekend afternoons. If we had specific plans, we'd move our hobbies around but asking him not to do something that's beneficial for his physical and mental health is unfair (on the basis that he would have no problem with you doing the same and does pitch in when he's home)

The main issues are the additional work on a sat and maybe the OP not having her own interests that take her out of the home.

We used to have family days where we'd go for a picnic / walk / out somewhere like the beach or to a nearby town or national trust type property. Now I have DC of my own & I still love a nice family day out.

This sounds like a great plan moving forward. I also have a DH who plays every Sunday and then started playing the odd Saturday game, it's just not fair. Again, he used the 'it's the only thing I do for myself' line, meanwhile I don't have any clubs I can commit to that are similar. Make sure you reach a compromise on this otherwise you will resent him 😘 xx

I'm sorry but he should want to spend time with you and his dc. He should want to look after you.

@LadyMargaretDevereux

its ok to also want to keep fit as well as spend time with family

So long as you’re getting equal amount of time to have as me time I think it’s fine