To really hate unexpected house visits. Is it just me?

[Silverbook]

What the title says really. I absolutely hate it when people “just pop in” I honestly hate it. It’s not that I don’t want to see people, I’m generally very sociable and often invite people round/get invited. I just really don’t like people dropping in unannounced as it generally interrupts my plans (even if my plan was doing nothing 🙈).

I mentioned it to my friend and she thought I was being utterly weird. Is it just me?

I agree, I hate it. When I was with my ex, not only would his family turn up unexpectedly, but they would also not knock and would walk straight in. The first I would know of it was when they appeared in the room I was in. He could never understand why I had an issue with it. Thank god we’re no longer together and I can be as antisocial as I like 😂

Same here @Starseeking

My dc know their friends are welcome here whenever.

I don't mind it but we are relatively new to the community here so it's a nice surprise when a potential new friend knocks.

is it really so odd that the rest of the time we don’t want anyone else to have to interact with?

It is quite unusual to be this defensive, yes @Alphabet1spaghetti2. So, if you received a dinner or party invitation the answer would be a flat no?

And why do you assume that anyone knocking on your door is a burglar?
You do sound extremely introverted. Nothing wrong with that, I am married to one, but he doesn't hold the extreme views of wanting to barricade himself into our house the way you do.

I assume you don't have or plan to have children?

@RampantIvy just answering questions that are being asked of our life decisions. But I don’t see why asking a question I return, is making you see me as being defensive! I’ll ask a few more .. Why do people have to available 24-7 to others? Why can’t people choose to not have other people in close proximity for the minor part of their day? What need do others have to be allowed 24-7 access to friends and family? In a nutshell, why are people so needy of others when you’ve already interacted with them at work and or socially outside of a persons home? To us that feels incredibly stalkerish! Have you not got your own home and life to be leading?!
Yes, all invitations to dinner / coffee at someone else’s house are met with a three pronged approach - 1) make an excuse to not go, as it saves others feelings. if that fails 2) a flat no thanks but kind of you to ask. If that fails then it’s option 3) they get told that we spend enough time with them already and need time to get on with other things in our life and we don’t want ruin what is currently a good friendship which is rapidly heading south if they persist, so please get the message that the answer is no and do not ask again.
As for barricading !!!!! Ha that’s a laugh we go out, we walk and talk and interact at work at social gatherings just not at our home or the homes of other people. We aren’t holed up with an outback preppies/gun toting siege mentality!!! No, we come home and lock the door and just choose not to answer it unless we have an expected delivery - otherwise you are up and down every 2 mins closing the door after the local kids think it’s funny to open any and all unlocked front doors they can find. We don’t have a door bell as they get stolen.
In our position, we haven’t opened a door and invited anyone in, so yes, if we find someone in our home who’s not been invited in - they are not welcome and will be rightly treated as a trespasser/burglar. Who wouldn’t?
Are we introverts - yes, but that’s not a bad thing, in merely means we are self sufficient emotionally, not dependant on others and don’t require constant reassurance and validation from other people. Guaranteed it won’t bother us if you fail to show up/take part/get involved/change plans last minute or any other similar complaints poster complain about their friends and family on such forums. Makes for much less drama!

@Cackawhookie Gosh that's extreme. Did you tell them that was weird behaviour? And they'd have to knock and wait like the rest of the world? And perhaps risk you saying you were busy or off out? Has their weird behaviour scarred you to the extent that you no longer answer the door to anyone?

@RampantIvy apologies I missed your last question. No children and no plans. As I said all family are dead and cremated on both mine and Dh sides. We are ancient and last chance for kids expired 30 years ago.

@Alphabet1spaghetti2 I think you’ve been admirably patient with @RampantIvy in the face of her flat refusal to “get it”. Well done for not losing your rag several posts ago!

Why do some people find it so utterly bewildering that someone else might live their life in a different way to them?

@WomanStanleyWoman2 aww thank you!
I think some people just cannot see that there are often alternative ways of living a happy and fulfilling life. They become blinkered and will only accept their way as being right. Which would mean a very boring, monochrome, flatly average world to live in. Part of the beauty of life is that we are all different, unique individuals, and embracing and respecting other peoples needs increases everyone’s quality of life.
Some people thrive on pointing out perceived weaknesses in others, rather than seeing that for every ‘weakness’ there is a flip-side of strength, by working on individuals strengths, all of society is rewarded. To only focus on perceived weakness sets everyone up for failure.

I don't like it. I've asked family and friends for 10 minutes warning at least. Everyone has accepted that. I'd never show up unannounced at someone's house.

No, I was convinced by my ex that it was normal behaviour with a ‘close’ family, so I’d rebel by locking the door whenever I saw that he’d left it unlocked 😂

same🤣

Alphabet1spaghetti2 I hope you don’t mind me mentioning this as it’s part of another thread, but I’ve just read about your bloody awful neighbours! They sound absolutely hideous and I’m not surprised you don’t leave your door unlocked. I hope your DH agrees to move and you can live in your sanctuary in peace!

I don’t mind unless it’s my mother in law👍. We can’t stand each other yet she feels it’s acceptable to just rock up to my home and expect to be entertained. Ummm fuck off

@Namechangedforthisonetoday i don’t mind at all ! Nice of to ask and comment. Just had another lost night of sleep after a long shift, and currently harbouring nefarious thoughts and wondering if anyone would ever (cough) miss them!
Dh is starting to think like me, without any help, and a return to boating life looks like a short term solution, if only for decent Kip!

I don't mind unexpected guests in principle, it's thoughtful that they considered me when in the neighborhood and I will happily pop the kettle on. it's the people who 'cant read the room' that are the issue. Popping round on a weekday where they know I work from home and actually have things to do or they can see me with paintbrush in hand mid chores but still expecting me to down tools is grating. That said it is easy to say 'sorry, really busy right now but why don't we catch up next week instead'.

Never got the 'how dare you call or knock on the door and disturb my inner sanctuary of calm without three weeks advance notice' crowd on Mumsnet. Just seems a bit OTT.

They sound like absolute pigs, I really do feel for you. Have you reported them to the council? Do they own or rent?

@@Namechangedforthisonetoday
They own - not that it should excuse their behaviour either way. If we go the council
route, we will have to declare it upon sale - if it comes to that. If we did sell, we would want it to as uncomplicated and as quick as possible. In the current / future market sales are slowing massively and I suspect the smallest of things will not be overlooked by prospective purchasers and problematic neighbours isn’t a small thing.
If our other neighbours were not so lovey and quiet, I would be taking delivery of a drum kit and have scheduled lessons for 5:30 am every day. Would probably reach grade 8 before the hellish neighbours took the hint. Dh has tried the talking option - zero effect on them, they just took our garden bin, filled it with rubbish, refused to put it out for emptying and I had to go and steal it back!

I've had this happen to me today! We have a 2 week old baby girl and had someone knocked on my door this morning. Baby has colic so she has been very unsettled at times and the midwife had just left to discharge us.
I peeped out the window to see who it was, and it was a family friend of DH obviously calling to see us. I may be harsh but I ignored the door. I had just spent the hour crying with the midwife about my emotions and baby's colic. The last thing I wanted was a visitor! If she had phoned before hand I'd have the chance to get myself together, or just be honest and say, not today, sorry! I find it so rude when people just rock up! I know they mean well when it comes to our situation with a new baby, but still, people forget its tough with a new born as it is! Let me know you are coming! Myself and my family never show unannounced to each others houses, we always message first. So it's always been the norm to me!

I don't blame you @Mumtobe2023 I've ignored the door in the past. My door, my prerogative!!!

Hate it. Was prepping food over the weekend while dh was chopping down a tree out back. Doorbell goes I know I’m expecting a parcel so I don’t check the camera. It was bloody mil. My heart sank tbh I just went back to prepping food and shouted at dh that his mother was here for him. I was suitable dressed in a hoody and booty shorts 😂

I'm not a fan of the pop in

I pop in on one of my best friends but she will just say not today love and see me off. I only live nearby so it makes sense.

Other than that I'd never do it but if you get a Ring doorbell or just look through the peep hole you can just not answer.

I hate unanounced visitors. I am quite social but there are times i just don't want to entertain. I have just moved house and one of my friends thought that it would be an excellent idea to walk in to my home even though i was having some work done and there were boxes everywhere.

I don’t much care if my house is a mess. If someone turns up then is shocked that my house is a mess then that’s their problem.

I do wonder what happens if someone turns up and the host already has a house full of people or is on a conference call (ideally in another language). Isn’t it awkward and embarrassing?

I don't like it when people pop in either (my house is quite "lived in" and rarely visitor ready). I never used to understsnd why people did it, but apparently it's a generational thing. Back in the day, when most women were at home with the kids, and generally had a sister living down the road/ mum on the next street etc, it was totally normal to be in and out of each others houses. It broke up the monotony of doing chores all day, and visitors were usually a welcome sight. So I do understand MIL's penchant for dropping in now (even if I do still hide behind the sofa sometimes).