Page 4 | To really hate unexpected house visits. Is it just me?

Silverbook · 2023-02-12T22:04:32+00:00

What the title says really. I absolutely hate it when people “just pop in” I honestly hate it. It’s not that I don’t want to see people, I’m generally very sociable and often invite people round/get invited. I just really don’t like people dropping in unannounced as it generally interrupts my plans (even if my plan was doing nothing 🙈). I mentioned it to my friend and she thought I was being utterly weird. Is it just me?

LlynTegid · 13/02/2023 17:36

With mobile phones and other communications I agree with the OP on this. I also think I should tidy up and hoover before someone arrives out of courtesy.

shard5 · 13/02/2023 17:44

I don't mind visitors just the unexpected ones, solely because the place is always a little untidy.
Even if someone just wants to pop in for a quick chat there's no excuse nowadays not to drop a text letting you know they're en route.
A 5 minute notice makes all the difference between messy and haphazard to acceptable.

ComfortablyDazed · 13/02/2023 17:54

phoenixrosehere · 13/02/2023 04:55

The way some MNers live, hermit-like, in their ‘sanctuaries’, seems dire to me.

Why?

I think many people see their homes as a place where they’re not “on” and/or where they can relax and not be bothered or expected to be social unless they choose to. It also isn’t antisocial not to want people to visit unannounced. One can be social outside of their home without having to also be social in their home. Why do people need to be both?

I think quite a bit comes down to politeness politics. Not everyone is comfortable just telling someone to leave them be if a visitor shows up at their doorstep unannounced and it is rude to show up if you don’t have that type of relationship and there are plenty of ways to contact someone beforehand. There’s also the unfortunate belief that simply because one is home and doing what someone else sees as nothing or minimal, that person is available when they’re not.

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It’s possible for a home to be a ‘sanctuary’ and a welcoming place for friends and family. It doesn’t have to be either/or.

One can be social outside of their home without having to also be social in their home. Why do people need to be both?

What? Nobody needs to be anything - it’s a free world for people to live how they choose.

For me, personally - no expectation on anyone else! - having a closed off home that never welcomes friends, fun, laughs, good times, etc, sounds dire. It absolutely does.

This isn’t even about unexpected guests, but the usual MN ‘no-one can cross my threshold expect my DH and my kids’. I don’t know anyone in real life like this.

QueenCamilla · 13/02/2023 18:01

It is hugely self-centered and disrespectful of the "host's" day.

Maybe some people do just vegetate in front of a blank wall, all dressed and tidy, ready for the visitors... 😳

I might be on the Zoom call, have messy, noisy building work in progress, be in the bath, be just out of the shower, might be plucking my chin-beard, sorting out accounts, expecting someone else, about to leave the house, already out of the house, be in the middle of a shag, helping kids with the homework... I honestly don't know when would be a good time. The only good time is that allocated for someone to visit.

P. S.

Wifi camera is god-send! 😉

Oblomov23 · 13/02/2023 18:03

I'd like it. No one actually does.

LakieLady · 13/02/2023 18:07

I hate it too. My house is rarely "visitor ready" and neither am I most of the time.

bringincrazyback · 13/02/2023 18:19

CC4712 · 12/02/2023 22:43

I HATE it! Even from DH's family. Its rude and entitled to think that people can drop what they are doing to suddenly entertain you!

We are renovating, so gates open for trades to get work done. MIL randomly 'pops in' for a cup of tea and a tour! She has previously brought along her friends we don't even know to also have a tour! Absolute last straw and we've had words. 😡

Ugh, feeling your pain. This is the sort of thing my MIL would do.

Mimilamore · 13/02/2023 18:19

One of my worst nightmares. I like alone time and welcome visits I'm prepared for but just turning up... no thanks

BirdyBoop · 13/02/2023 18:19

RisingSunn · 12/02/2023 22:22

Everyone apart from my mum/ mum in law would be left on the doorstep.

Same.

Absolutely hate people popping in without notice.

phoenixrosehere · 13/02/2023 18:25

ComfortablyDazed · 13/02/2023 17:54

It’s possible for a home to be a ‘sanctuary’ and a welcoming place for friends and family. It doesn’t have to be either/or.

One can be social outside of their home without having to also be social in their home. Why do people need to be both?

What? Nobody needs to be anything - it’s a free world for people to live how they choose.

For me, personally - no expectation on anyone else! - having a closed off home that never welcomes friends, fun, laughs, good times, etc, sounds dire. It absolutely does.

This isn’t even about unexpected guests, but the usual MN ‘no-one can cross my threshold expect my DH and my kids’. I don’t know anyone in real life like this.

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It’s possible for a home to be a ‘sanctuary’ and a welcoming place for friends and family. It doesn’t have to be either/or.

I know and didn’t say it wasn’t.

*What? Nobody needs to be anything - it’s a free world for people to live how they choose.

For me, personally - no expectation on anyone else! - having a closed off home that never welcomes friends, fun, laughs, good times, etc, sounds dire. It absolutely does.*

No one has said that though only that they rather have warning instead.

This isn’t even about unexpected guests, but the usual MN ‘no-one can cross my threshold expect my DH and my kids’. I don’t know anyone in real life like this.

The thread is LITERALLY about unexpected guests.

youshouldnthaveasked · 13/02/2023 18:26

ComfortablyDazed · 13/02/2023 17:54

It’s possible for a home to be a ‘sanctuary’ and a welcoming place for friends and family. It doesn’t have to be either/or.

One can be social outside of their home without having to also be social in their home. Why do people need to be both?

What? Nobody needs to be anything - it’s a free world for people to live how they choose.

For me, personally - no expectation on anyone else! - having a closed off home that never welcomes friends, fun, laughs, good times, etc, sounds dire. It absolutely does.

This isn’t even about unexpected guests, but the usual MN ‘no-one can cross my threshold expect my DH and my kids’. I don’t know anyone in real life like this.

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Why are you assuming that just because somebody doesn’t like or want unexpected guests that their home is completely devoid of laughter, fun and good times? Very strange thought process

UsingChangeofName · 13/02/2023 18:26

RampantIvy · 13/02/2023 06:58

MN is home of the terminally anti-social, so you’ll get 99% of people agreeing with you very strongly on here.

And who live in messy houses and never wear a bra at home

Everyone I know knows I WFH so we never get anyone calling round unexpectedly, and if they did I would just say "lovely to see you but I have a Teams call in a minute, why don't you come by at xx instead".

Oh, and I don't find bras uncomfortable and my house is never too messy if someone called round.

All of this.
People popping by are very welcome at my house.
My friends come to see me, not inspect my home.

UsingChangeofName · 13/02/2023 18:27

ComfortablyDazed · 13/02/2023 17:54

It’s possible for a home to be a ‘sanctuary’ and a welcoming place for friends and family. It doesn’t have to be either/or.

One can be social outside of their home without having to also be social in their home. Why do people need to be both?

What? Nobody needs to be anything - it’s a free world for people to live how they choose.

For me, personally - no expectation on anyone else! - having a closed off home that never welcomes friends, fun, laughs, good times, etc, sounds dire. It absolutely does.

This isn’t even about unexpected guests, but the usual MN ‘no-one can cross my threshold expect my DH and my kids’. I don’t know anyone in real life like this.

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Absolutely agree with this, too

ComfortablyDazed · 13/02/2023 18:31

phoenixrosehere · 13/02/2023 18:25

It’s possible for a home to be a ‘sanctuary’ and a welcoming place for friends and family. It doesn’t have to be either/or.

I know and didn’t say it wasn’t.

*What? Nobody needs to be anything - it’s a free world for people to live how they choose.

For me, personally - no expectation on anyone else! - having a closed off home that never welcomes friends, fun, laughs, good times, etc, sounds dire. It absolutely does.*

No one has said that though only that they rather have warning instead.

This isn’t even about unexpected guests, but the usual MN ‘no-one can cross my threshold expect my DH and my kids’. I don’t know anyone in real life like this.

The thread is LITERALLY about unexpected guests.

Show quote history

I think many people see their homes as a place where they’re not “on” and/or where they can relax and not be bothered or expected to be social unless they choose to. It also isn’t antisocial not to want people to visit unannounced. One can be social outside of their home without having to also be social in their home. Why do people need to be both?

You literally spent your previous post saying some people’s home is a sanctuary, and people shouldn’t be expected to be social inside their homes:

”One can be social outside of their home without having to also be social in their home. Why do people need to be both?”

You’re completely backtracking now.

faffadoodledo · 13/02/2023 18:33

I'd give anything for one of my mum or dad's unexpected visits. They used to do it all the time. Sometimes I'd grumpily turn them away bc I was busy. Sometimes welcome them in.
Can't do it any more. Wish I could.

Generally though I like an unexpected visit. I'm blunt enough to turn folk away if I'm busy or not in the mood.

tothesea · 13/02/2023 18:33

MIL is the worst for this and it really ramped up after DD2 was born. I was sitting on our sofa one morning in my dressing gown breast feeding and just staring ahead of me in that zombified zero sleep way when she knocked on the window. I screamed, scaring the shit out of DD so she started screaming..my boob was hanging out.. I was a mess.
Jesus it took all my strength not to tell her to FUCK OFF! That’s just one example. We had to have serious words. She lives 10 mins drive away..just a quick phone call to check it’s ok to pop in. I’m fine with that. Quick tidy round put some clothes on. It’s so rude otherwise.

GiltEdges · 13/02/2023 18:35

I don’t like having people in my house point blank, but if they turned up invited they absolutely wouldn’t be coming in.

MyMachineAndMe · 13/02/2023 18:35

Our house is always a tip, whether we're expecting visitors or not, and we don't ever tidy up just for the sake of others. It helps that we're all in & out of each others houses and we all live in similar situations so there's no shame. I don't mind people just turning up.

Having said that, there is one person who does my head in and my heart sinks when he turns up.

phoenixrosehere · 13/02/2023 18:36

ComfortablyDazed · 13/02/2023 18:31

I think many people see their homes as a place where they’re not “on” and/or where they can relax and not be bothered or expected to be social unless they choose to. It also isn’t antisocial not to want people to visit unannounced. One can be social outside of their home without having to also be social in their home. Why do people need to be both?

You literally spent your previous post saying some people’s home is a sanctuary, and people shouldn’t be expected to be social inside their homes:

”One can be social outside of their home without having to also be social in their home. Why do people need to be both?”

You’re completely backtracking now.

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I am not and you continue to ignore the word “unannounced” in my posts.

Why is that?

QueSyrahSyrah · 13/02/2023 18:39

I don't even like unexpected FaceTime calls OP, so I'm totally with you, YANBU

ComfortablyDazed · 13/02/2023 18:39

phoenixrosehere · 13/02/2023 18:36

I am not and you continue to ignore the word “unannounced” in my posts.

Why is that?

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Because of this comment:

”One can be social outside of their home without having to also be social in their home. Why do people need to be both?”

phoenixrosehere · 13/02/2023 18:41

ComfortablyDazed · 13/02/2023 18:39

Because of this comment:

”One can be social outside of their home without having to also be social in their home. Why do people need to be both?”

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In the context of unannounced guests which is what the thread is about.

ComfortablyDazed · 13/02/2023 18:42

phoenixrosehere · 13/02/2023 18:41

In the context of unannounced guests which is what the thread is about.

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So you’ve answered your own question, then.

People can be social in their own home - as well as outside of it.

phoenixrosehere · 13/02/2023 18:47

ComfortablyDazed · 13/02/2023 18:42

So you’ve answered your own question, then.

People can be social in their own home - as well as outside of it.

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That wasn’t my question though, but ok.

Have a good evening.

PleaseJustText · 13/02/2023 18:47

I don't like unexpected visitors but probably because it never happens. When I was younger my mum and my aunt used to constantly pop over to each others house. That might be why they naturally tidy up often. I don't live near my siblings or parents so it's never come up and I can live in filth unless pre-warned.