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Original poster

To this this is odd..

130 replies

chessfivers · 12/02/2023 17:42

I've been seeing a guy a couple of months. He's 34, lives with his mum which isn't an issue for me. He has one night a week which is "his and his mums night" in which he doesn't go out. I've purposely said I don't have the children tonight do you fancy going for a drink and he's said no, it's always been this way we all stay in on this night.

Is this weird? Or am I just being a bitch who comes from a family that aren't close? At 34 my mum doesn't know what I'm doing most of the time never mind dictating a night a week I stay in?

OP posts:
Paperexcelandpens · 12/02/2023 18:42

EmpressOfTheSofa · 12/02/2023 18:02

Oh come ON all the people who are defending him. It’s really, deeply, fucking weird to be a grown adult of 34 who isn’t allowed out on a Sunday because it’s family time. Absolutely beyond the realms of healthy or normal.

This!

Weallgottachangesometime · 12/02/2023 18:44

chessfivers · 12/02/2023 17:49

No it's every single week, on a Sunday. Sunday he is not allowed to go out, or there is a fuss if him and his brother do. It's "family time" night.

Yes this is weird.

choosing to stay and enjoy time with your family on a Sunday most weeks is fine. Having to go every Sunday because your mummy will guilt trip you if you go elsewhere is not ok.

plumduck · 12/02/2023 18:45

chessfivers · 12/02/2023 18:32

No I'm never invited. He's not allowed to go away he has to be back. Even on a Saturday he usually has to choose if he wants to be out during the day or on the evening as she doesn't like him being out for both.

Right so it's coming from his mum rather than him. Then yes that's odd.

Noonesperfect · 12/02/2023 18:45

chessfivers · 12/02/2023 18:32

No I'm never invited. He's not allowed to go away he has to be back. Even on a Saturday he usually has to choose if he wants to be out during the day or on the evening as she doesn't like him being out for both.

It sounds totally ridiculous! She's treating him like a child. A lot of teenagers would kick up if they were treated like this. She sounds very controlling and rather a nightmare. Sorry OP

lap90 · 12/02/2023 18:46

Yes, i do think it's odd.

Stompythedinosaur · 12/02/2023 18:47

I think it is weird. But I'd find still living at home in your 30s very weird too.

Cosyblankets · 12/02/2023 18:48

chessfivers · 12/02/2023 18:32

No I'm never invited. He's not allowed to go away he has to be back. Even on a Saturday he usually has to choose if he wants to be out during the day or on the evening as she doesn't like him being out for both.

Get your running shoes on and run as fast as you can.

VladmirsPoutine · 12/02/2023 18:50

Stompythedinosaur · 12/02/2023 18:47

I think it is weird. But I'd find still living at home in your 30s very weird too.

Same. I can't imagine why millenials are still living at home tbh. It's truly mystifying.

Johnisafckface · 12/02/2023 18:51

I think it’s weird. I lived with my DM for a while and we didn’t have a standing hangout day. They sound a bit enmeshed with each other

AnOldCynic · 12/02/2023 18:51

MaMisled · 12/02/2023 18:40

I think you can yell a lot by the way a man treats his Mum. I think it's lovely.

You can also tell a lot about a mother by the way she treats her son.... it's not "lovely" it's controlling.

How old is his brother? Any which way I wouldn't continue in this relationship. especially if you want to start your own family at some point.

Ludo19 · 12/02/2023 18:56

Run like fuck OP. The fact that she not only dictates what he does on a Sunday but makes him choose between going out on a Saturday afternoon or evening NOT both?? Imagine your future ALL your plans ran past her first??

At 34 he's frankly a spineless mummy's boy.

WandaWonder · 12/02/2023 18:57

You know now, sure not one I have ever come across but you are aware so you either accept it or break up

I know from here there is a who wins type competition with MILs, but you can repeat it all you want either you see him as he is or you don't, he should to the same for you

redundantsoon · 12/02/2023 18:58

It’s weird imo.

YoBeaches · 12/02/2023 19:00

This is his life.

I'm glad it's not just him and mum. Im more supportive of family time all together.

But the reality is they are living at home as children, not as grown adults.

Given the rule was asserted over his ex as well, then no, the mother is far too controlling and it will only get worse.

Get out now.

IWineAndDontDine · 12/02/2023 19:01

You keep saying he "HAS to". Maybe he wants to? Maybe it's their way as a family or making sure in the midst of busy adulthood they all still connect as a family. I'm sure that would involve partners/children when the time comes.

TheShellBeach · 12/02/2023 19:08

Incredibly weird IMO.

Crumpetdisappointment · 12/02/2023 19:10

particularly as he lives at home anyway,
is there a religion in the family @chessfivers

PinkiOcelot · 12/02/2023 19:11

I didn’t think it was weird at first, but the more I read it totally is.
so he can either go out on a Saturday daytime or night, but not both?! WTF? That’s ridiculous.
why is a grown man putting up with this?!
My teen dd would have an issue if I was like this with her.

secretllama · 12/02/2023 19:11

KateStev · 12/02/2023 17:49

If this was a woman saying she spent one night a week with her Mum regularly, no one would think anything of it.

I was about to say the exact same thing.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 12/02/2023 19:12

At the start I thought is was kind off sweet but after reading updates this seems really weird and something that will cause a lot of problems in the future

Thepossibility · 12/02/2023 19:14

I think his mum probably doesn't want to feel like a motel.
If he lives under her roof then it's kind to spend time together.

Thepossibility · 12/02/2023 19:15

I'd be annoyed if he lived with me and wanted to spend every Sunday with his mum though!

Crumpetdisappointment · 12/02/2023 19:16

but every sunday?
that is too needy

LanternGhost · 12/02/2023 19:17

That's a yikes from me.

Xmasbaby11 · 12/02/2023 19:22

Yep that’s weird and controlling. I think it’s time for him to move out. He’s being treated like a child.

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