Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To write a social media post about how proud I am of DD?

235 replies

MrsTickle123 · 12/02/2023 16:05

She was picked for the netball team and they won their tournament. I want her to know how proud I am of her and for her to feel special.

OP posts:
StaunchMomma · 12/02/2023 16:22

Just tell her! Putting it on SM doesn't make you mean it more.

In the nicest way possible, nobody but very close family give a shit what games she plays!

BeautifulWar · 12/02/2023 16:22

While it's nice to share good news, the majority of people probably won't be that fussed.

I personally don't think using SM is the best way to show your child how proud of them you are and encourages the idea that achievements aren't important/worthy without SM likes.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/02/2023 16:22

One of the reasons people have low self esteem, is because they need validation from others...

maddiemookins16mum · 12/02/2023 16:22

These posts are to make the poster feel good, rarely the person they’r about.

DuplicateUserName · 12/02/2023 16:23

MrsTickle123 · 12/02/2023 16:12

She has low self-esteem and I want others to be proud of her too. I just don’t want to sound boastful or upset others who weren’t picked for the team.

Anyone close enough to her to actually feel pride, won't need to find out through social media anyway, will they?

I mean surely she'll tell them herself or you'd phone/text them?

If you just want a little 'mum boast', go right ahead but I'm not sure why you're dressing it up as something else.

mummabubs · 12/02/2023 16:25

Asterales · 12/02/2023 16:16

If she has low self esteem, the very last thing you should be doing is linking her self esteem to the external validation of social media feedback, in my view.

This, with bells on. I've worked in child and adolescent mental health services and it was so abundantly clear to me the negative impact of children learning that they can only feel good about themselves if other people validate them through social media comments/likes.

Onesailwait · 12/02/2023 16:25

If she's happy for you to post about her then go for it. Since moving away from the UK one of the biggest differences I've noticed is people being proud to share their successes without it being boastful. I like all the people on my Facebook list and enjoy reading the posts they share. If you think some on your list will judge you harshly for sharing your news then maybe rethink who you share with. Well done to your daughter she should be very proud of herself

dew141 · 12/02/2023 16:25

I’m doing it for her as want others to know about her achievements too

She can tell her friends and family and they'll be happy for her. You don't need to do one of those embarrassingly braggy FB posts for that.

I have no need for others to know about my kids' achievements beyond close family and maybe a few friends if they ask. I've not told my sister or brother my son's GCSE or A level results either.

Prinnny · 12/02/2023 16:25

I mean it’s a bit sad. Just like when people put gushy happy birthday wishes to people that aren’t even on Facebook..’happy birthday to me mam I know your looking down on us all 🤮🤮’

I don’t see how this would help your DDs self esteem, unless you plan on showing her the status and who liked it, but beware it could backfire if you don’t get the correct amount of likes required.

HappyValleyyy · 12/02/2023 16:26

Please don’t it’s so cringey 😬

Deviniaursula · 12/02/2023 16:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 12/02/2023 16:27

Totally normal in my social circle to post about your DCs sporting achievements. Just don't ever post about academic success as that goes down really badly - thankfully I found that out before I made that faux pas.

Johnnysgirl · 12/02/2023 16:28

Who would actually "feel proud of her" on reading this, op?

LimeTwists · 12/02/2023 16:29

You’re teaching her that achievements have to be liked and noted by as many people as possible on social media: I would rethink that, tbh. Just tell the people that matter who are in your lives beyond the screens. I’d feel the same way if my partner was promoted etc etc. We tell the people that matter, not announce things to 1000 followers. But we are not you and you can post what you like, so I’m not sure an AIBU is going to change much.

SunshineAndFizz · 12/02/2023 16:29

Asterales · 12/02/2023 16:16

If she has low self esteem, the very last thing you should be doing is linking her self esteem to the external validation of social media feedback, in my view.

Sorry but this.

Posting on sm is for your benefit. Not hers. She won't see it?

What's App your family group. FaceTime a grandparent. Take her for a treat. Talk to her about how proud you are. Ask her how she feels. Get her dad to do the same.

The best thing you can do for her self esteem is lots of emotional support and validation from both parents.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 12/02/2023 16:29

saraclara · 12/02/2023 16:18

It depends entirely on who your friends are. If you've just got family on there, fine. If you've got loads of local friends and acquaintances (including parents of her school friends) tread carefully.

Show quote history

I agree. My FB is people from uni and old coworkers, my current friends and I talk via whatsapp or text. I wouldn’t feel “proud” of one of my FB friends’ kids, that’d be very strange.

It’s still the done thing though judging by the fact that every parents evening I see posts from all the parents whose kids are all mysteriously top of the class…

BatshitBanshee · 12/02/2023 16:30

Using social media to boost low self esteem would be a supremely stupid thing to do OP.

You boost her, you tell her directly, celebrate the win with her, encourage her. She doesn't need it from anyone else.

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 12/02/2023 16:30

Absolutely fine to post it. Just be careful in your wording. Eg like "So proud of DD and her netball Blues7 team (or whatever it was called) for winning their tournament !" is a lovely post.

Lots of my Fb friends do similar and I like reading their achievements! Like to comment to congratulate them too Smile

Redleaftea · 12/02/2023 16:31

How is your self esteem, OP? Do you feel the need for validation on SM? Because if so, that isn't a massively healthy or positive thing to be teaching your child. Just tell her you're proud.

WiIson · 12/02/2023 16:31

Well done to your dd op.

Choconut · 12/02/2023 16:32

What you're teaching her is that the way to measure her self worth is to see what people think of her on SM. For someone with low self esteem this is probably one of the worst things you could think of to do.

Self esteem comes from inside, it can be affected by what people do to you of course but it's about what you think of yourself. Lots of praise often doesn't raise it because when you have low self esteem you don't believe what others say - or alternatively you start to cling on to that praise and constantly chase it to try and make yourself feel better.

She needs to know that you love and value her whether she wins at netball or not. That you just love her for who she is. Praise the effort and hard work that she put in, not the winning - or where will her self esteem be when they don't win?

PissedOffAmericanWoman · 12/02/2023 16:32

Why not ask your daughter herself? Husband and I very much have a policy of only uploading positive things about our daughter and nothing that would be embarrassing to an adult. Example a picture of am adult sitting on the toilet would be embarrassing so therefore no toilet training pictures.

Another policy we have is when she's old enough to communicate what she wants uploaded online is to ask her everytime. So I think this would certainly fit the occasion. Just tell her in person how proud you are and you are so proud you want to tell all your family and friends! Would it be okay to make a post on Facebook/instagram/social media about your achievement?

KittyMcKitty · 12/02/2023 16:33

MrsTickle123 · 12/02/2023 16:14

will it sound boastful though? Do you think others would take it that way or just be pleased for us and her. Surely we’re all grown-ups.

It is fantastic she was picked and a great team effort that they won. It is brilliant that you are proud of her and want to build her confidence.

But ….

she is 10 so not on social media so posts like these on Facebook or wherever have a tendency to read like adults bragging to other adults (sorry I know that sounds harsh).

I think there are other more appropriate ways to celebrate this. Was this a school thing? Is she a member of a netball club outside school? If not maybe see if she would like to join one and develop her interest and have fun.

Posting on Facebook essentially has nothing to do with her iyswim?

cstx89 · 12/02/2023 16:33

A lovely news.
Take her out for a nice mum and daughter day. Take a selfie of u both and post saying "celebrating with my baby getting into the netball team"

JustDrama · 12/02/2023 16:33

Asterales · 12/02/2023 16:16

If she has low self esteem, the very last thing you should be doing is linking her self esteem to the external validation of social media feedback, in my view.

This 100%. Do you have people in real life that can congratulate her? Social media is not the place. Real human contact is great.

Swipe left for the next trending thread