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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disagreement over glitter on toys

113 replies

Thatglitter · 12/02/2023 10:48

I would like to know who IBU between DH and me. We have two little girls, 4 and 2.

For various reasons I thought yesterday that they deserved a treat. I took oldest to the toy shop and let her choose something for her and her sister. She saw a little fairy doll - her eyes lit up, you know the drill. So I bought one each for her and her sister. She was SO happy with it and she still is. Little sister loves hers too.

I did not inspect the material of the dolls' dresses before buying them. I hold my hands up to this. I wanted her to have something she really wanted - she isn't often taken to the toy shop to pick out something. This was my error.

So it turns out the overlayer of the fairies' dresses has annoying glitter that sheds. Both DH and I are tidy by nature but he can take it too far (I feel) and I have expressed concern in the past that I don't want the girls feeling on edge about creating mess or playing at home, in what I perceive to be a normal way. Put another way, I can tolerate more mess and am accepting of the need to tidy and clean up around young children. Housework is quite evenly split between DH and me with me doing more of the day to day and him doing a blitz over the weekend.

So DH has now had a low voice rant to me about the fairies and wants to cut their sparkly dresses off them. This would leave them with a cotton dress underneath but the sparkle is the main thing that makes them fairies, and the things both girls love about them.

I've said a flat out no so it's not happening. I've said I'm happy to have them as downstairs toys and when the novelty wears off them they could probably go on a shelf in each girl's bedroom.

DH is very concerned about air quality if that changes things. We have air purifiers in all bedrooms, he won't have a wood burner etc.

I'm feeling angry. I feel sad he can't turn a blind eye to the glitter when he sees the enjoyment the girls are getting. I do agree glitter is annoying but I feel he takes it to the extreme. He'll be tense now when they're playing with them and I feel like it sucks the joy out for us all. They won't play with them forever and they won't be little forever either.

YABU - get rid of the glitter

YANBU - keep the glitter

OP posts:
WiIson · 12/02/2023 10:49

Cutting the dresses off makes your DH sound a bit mad. Your DC will never forget that one. Don't do it.

Pansypotter123 · 12/02/2023 10:51

Keep the glitter and get rid of the husband, job done Wink

Seriously though tell him to have a word with himself - they're only children once, will a little bit of glitter matter in 5 years time?

Headstones250 · 12/02/2023 10:52

Who in earth has voted to get rid of the glitter? And what a joyless environment for the kids. Your DP sounds very anal.

The glitter is annoying in a pristine house but it is, quite literally, fairy dust and should bring a smile when he thinks of the magic of his little girls.

In my experience toys and clothes like this shed quite a lot at the start but it becomes progressively less the more they are played with.

ditalini · 12/02/2023 10:54

YABU. Your dh needs to get over himself, and if he genuinely struggles to let this one go he might want to consider whether it's just about "tidy" and "air quality" or anxiety/compulsion which might benefit from some therapy.

3487642l · 12/02/2023 10:54

It sounds like your husband is either very controlling or has some form of disorder like ocd that is impacting on his life and needs treatment.

mogtheexcellent · 12/02/2023 10:56

I loathe glitter with a passion but still think YANBU.

Shake the dolls over a bin to lose the loose glitter though.

SignOnTheWindow · 12/02/2023 10:56

Your DH's reaction to this (especially the air quality bit) suggests he might have a mental health issue around cleanliness.

Would he be willing to accept that his is not a healthy reaction?

JenniferAnistonopolous · 12/02/2023 10:57

I agree with the PP, your husband sounds like he could have OCD or anxiety disorder which is impacting his and your life.

is there anything else that he has done that has controlled the way you behave with regards to his worries around air quality?

BertieBotts · 12/02/2023 10:58

Your DH is being way OTT. Glitter is part of the territory with 5yos, especially girls. So is mud, sand etc. It's cruel to deny them stuff like that due to fears over mess. Does he maybe need to look at whether he needs support with his mental health if his worrying over tidiness is affecting what the children are allowed to do?

They'll run out of loose glitter and stop shedding after a while. Until then just hoover daily. It's really no issue in the slightest.

WimpoleHat · 12/02/2023 10:58

So DH has now had a low voice rant to me about the fairies and wants to cut their sparkly dresses off them.

Dear God. As a pp suggested, just give them a bit of a brush over the bin to get the worst of it off. They’ll lose interest in a week or so anyway, I’m sure. It’s a bit of glitter - they’re not shedding asbestos around the house!

JenniferAnistonopolous · 12/02/2023 10:59

And I do completely agree re glitter - I hate the stuff. Gets everywhere. But when you have kids you just have to suck it up and let them make a reasonable amount of mess from time to time. One of mine got given some kinetic sand yesterday and my honest thought was “oh ffs” but they came home, had a lovely play with it - got it everywhere and then we cleaned it up and put it away.

FourAndTwentyBlackbirdsBakedInAPie · 12/02/2023 11:02

I hate glitter, but yanbu here.

I don't think your dh feels he is unreasonable because he has a MH by the sound of it.

His reaction, nor the other things you mention about him, are normal at all.

StarsSand · 12/02/2023 11:02

I hate glitter. It's shit for the environment. Its designed to be a micro plastic. I think glitter should be illegal. I even wrote an angry email to a Pyjama company because I ordered some things online and when they arrived they had glitter as part of the design and I couldn't fucking believe how stupid that was, the glitter came off in the wash and went into the waterways as well as all our other clothes. I was furious.

I have air purifiers in my house. I've even been known to take them with me when going to an indoor party (yes I am that much fun).

That said, if my children had chosen it and loved them I would suck it up. I don't like dumping environmental anxieties onto children. Let them enjoy them. They'll probably get bored of them and then you can donate them or whatever.

If you're worried about glitter shedding I would go over the shirts in fabric glue.

Your husband needs to pick his environmental battles.

Smartiepants79 · 12/02/2023 11:02

So, your 4 year has something that she loves and her father wants to destroy it?
This post makes me both sad and angry. The whole thing sounds so anal and joyless and heading towards mean.
Your house is your child’s home. They should’ve able to enjoy it, bring in things they love and not spend all their time worrying about if the little bit of mess will upset their father.

Original poster
Thatglitter · 12/02/2023 11:06

SignOnTheWindow · 12/02/2023 10:56

Your DH's reaction to this (especially the air quality bit) suggests he might have a mental health issue around cleanliness.

Would he be willing to accept that his is not a healthy reaction?

I think this is the question I need to ask him, and this is also the reason I feel so cross with him about making it an issue - I just don't think it is a healthy reaction and I can't believe he can't also see that.

He did call it "my ocd thing" in our conversation. He isn't diagnosed with ocd so I hesitate to use the term. But I do wonder if it is heading towards ocd.

OP posts:
Lkydfju · 12/02/2023 11:07

That’s so worryingly over the top; I can’t quite understand though is it just the mess? I’d be having some serious conversations about how the next few years are going to play out - what happens when they bring pictures home from school with glitter and sparkles etc all over them? Kids are messy and to try to prevent that to this extent is just going to make things miserable

Original poster
Thatglitter · 12/02/2023 11:07

WimpoleHat · 12/02/2023 10:58

So DH has now had a low voice rant to me about the fairies and wants to cut their sparkly dresses off them.

Dear God. As a pp suggested, just give them a bit of a brush over the bin to get the worst of it off. They’ll lose interest in a week or so anyway, I’m sure. It’s a bit of glitter - they’re not shedding asbestos around the house!

That made me laugh!

OP posts:
Tiredalwaystired · 12/02/2023 11:07

Clear nail varnish over the glitter part of the dress?

(missing the point…)

Original poster
Thatglitter · 12/02/2023 11:09

Not at all, I'm loving the practical suggestions! (I do also hate glitter!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Thatglitter · 12/02/2023 11:11

Thank you, this is such a helpful response.

OP posts:
pictoosh · 12/02/2023 11:13

Och no...I wouldn't entertain him. Finnicky and anal over bizarre shite has no place in a family home. Don't let him rule you with it.

StillWantingADog · 12/02/2023 11:14

My dh is a crazy environmentalist but would suck it up on this occasion.
yanbu. You have a dh problem not a glitter problem.

Johnnysgirl · 12/02/2023 11:21

3487642l · 12/02/2023 10:54

It sounds like your husband is either very controlling or has some form of disorder like ocd that is impacting on his life and needs treatment.

This.
Have they never played with play dough and stuff?

harrassedmumto3 · 12/02/2023 11:21

Oh my God, unclench!

SignOnTheWindow · 12/02/2023 11:21

Thatglitter · 12/02/2023 11:06

I think this is the question I need to ask him, and this is also the reason I feel so cross with him about making it an issue - I just don't think it is a healthy reaction and I can't believe he can't also see that.

He did call it "my ocd thing" in our conversation. He isn't diagnosed with ocd so I hesitate to use the term. But I do wonder if it is heading towards ocd.

Show quote history

OK, the fact that he himself has called it his "OCD thing" suggests at least some part of him knows it's unreasonable.

I also fixate on certain things when I'm having a poor mental health moment, and it's really hard not to let it affect everyone else! With mess/dirt, it's particularly that everything feels out of control to me.

Maybe suggest it very gently? E.g. 'DH, this is stressing you out more than it really should. Is there something going on?'