Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Disagreement over glitter on toys

113 replies

Thatglitter · 12/02/2023 10:48

I would like to know who IBU between DH and me. We have two little girls, 4 and 2.

For various reasons I thought yesterday that they deserved a treat. I took oldest to the toy shop and let her choose something for her and her sister. She saw a little fairy doll - her eyes lit up, you know the drill. So I bought one each for her and her sister. She was SO happy with it and she still is. Little sister loves hers too.

I did not inspect the material of the dolls' dresses before buying them. I hold my hands up to this. I wanted her to have something she really wanted - she isn't often taken to the toy shop to pick out something. This was my error.

So it turns out the overlayer of the fairies' dresses has annoying glitter that sheds. Both DH and I are tidy by nature but he can take it too far (I feel) and I have expressed concern in the past that I don't want the girls feeling on edge about creating mess or playing at home, in what I perceive to be a normal way. Put another way, I can tolerate more mess and am accepting of the need to tidy and clean up around young children. Housework is quite evenly split between DH and me with me doing more of the day to day and him doing a blitz over the weekend.

So DH has now had a low voice rant to me about the fairies and wants to cut their sparkly dresses off them. This would leave them with a cotton dress underneath but the sparkle is the main thing that makes them fairies, and the things both girls love about them.

I've said a flat out no so it's not happening. I've said I'm happy to have them as downstairs toys and when the novelty wears off them they could probably go on a shelf in each girl's bedroom.

DH is very concerned about air quality if that changes things. We have air purifiers in all bedrooms, he won't have a wood burner etc.

I'm feeling angry. I feel sad he can't turn a blind eye to the glitter when he sees the enjoyment the girls are getting. I do agree glitter is annoying but I feel he takes it to the extreme. He'll be tense now when they're playing with them and I feel like it sucks the joy out for us all. They won't play with them forever and they won't be little forever either.

YABU - get rid of the glitter

YANBU - keep the glitter

OP posts:
SLS500 · 12/02/2023 11:52

I didn't like the house covered in glitter when the children were young, but knew it wouldn't last forever and miss those days now.
The children's father hated it and given the opportunity would hide any glittery gifts given the chance.
He was quite controlling.

Depending on the material perhaps you can paint it with PVA glue to stop the glitter shedding. It will dry transparent.

ToriLynn · 12/02/2023 11:54

Shake them outside to get any loose glitter off and then give a good all over (dresses) with hairspray! Works a treat!

ChungusBoi · 12/02/2023 11:56

Whoever suggested hairspray, the old fashioned cheaper varieties with strong hold - try spraying the glittery parts with that. Hopefully they will shed less and you won’t damage them either.

I would suggest to your DH that he sees his GP. If you roll over on this he will probably get worse and it isn’t fair on any of you.

Mumoffairy · 12/02/2023 11:57

WhoNeedsSleepNotISaidMyBody · 12/02/2023 11:39

@Mumoffairy the solution isn't to ruin the kids toys! These dresses won't be the only messy thing two small girls have!

@Thatglitter You need to have a serious talk to him when he's not wound up. He needs to see how unreadable he's being, how stifling and unfair. He needs to not put it down to his quickly bit of OCD, but realise it's serious & he needs help. Proper help.

(For me) he would need to understand that it's something HE has to fix & quickly, because I would NOT continue raising my children in this environment or living in it myself.

watch for your own behaviour too, my cousin is very +very* house proud (?). When her girls were growing up you'd never have known that 2 girls & a golden retriever lived in the house, looked show home 24/7/365. Both her adult daughters have issues.

Show quote history

They wont be ruined. There will still be glitter on it. Just a lot less and only the ones that are really stuck on.. 🤷🏻‍♀️
I can understand your Dh, I hate glitter.

Original poster
Thatglitter · 12/02/2023 11:59

harrassedmumto3 · 12/02/2023 11:21

Oh my God, unclench!

When I first read this, I was wondering who Uncle Nch was! 😆

OP posts:
Devoutspoken · 12/02/2023 12:00

He sounds like an anaL controlling knob, don't have kids if this sort of shit upsets him so much

GraceandMolly · 12/02/2023 12:02

Your poor girls. This is not a normal level of tidiness.

Original poster
Thatglitter · 12/02/2023 12:02

Thanks everyone..there are some good practical ideas (hairspray etc) which I'll put to him as PP suggested.

I'm also going to insist on a GP appointment for him.

To be clear to anyone who is concerned I might agree to cut off the dresses - this was a hard no from the start and will remain so.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thatglitter · 12/02/2023 12:03

Devoutspoken · 12/02/2023 12:00

He sounds like an anaL controlling knob, don't have kids if this sort of shit upsets him so much

Yeah...bit late for that! Needless to say it was not obvious pre-kids that this would be an issue. Now it is, I'm going to be taking action.

OP posts:
Surroundedbyfools · 12/02/2023 12:05

Ur DH sounds like a right tit. That level of needing everything to be spotless isn’t healthy. Children are messy. He needs help

Tinytigertail · 12/02/2023 12:05

This is meant kindly, but I think that your DH may benefit from some CBT or other type of talking therapy, this is a big overreaction to some glitter.

MrsRandom123 · 12/02/2023 12:06

YANBU

i’d keep the dresses, dolls & glitter & get rid of dh as he sounds way ott. It’s a bit of decorative glitter not crack cocaine. Plenty of little girls will have the dolls or similar at home and whilst it might be a bit annoying it’a not worth giving it that much thought. He doesn’t sound like much fun to be around

lollipoprainbow · 12/02/2023 12:06

Yeah cos hairspray is also great for the environment 🤦‍♀️

ItchyBillco · 12/02/2023 12:06

That man does not sound well. That is not rational.

Aphrathestorm · 12/02/2023 12:07

You sound like you're living in sleeping with the enemy.

Redebs · 12/02/2023 12:08

I would avoid glitter in future because it's a microplastic, not because it is a bit messy. Your husband needs to ease up a bit on the house issue and learn to enjoy the kids. Fingerpainting, anyone?

WhoNeedsSleepNotISaidMyBody · 12/02/2023 12:11

@Thatglitter be careful spraying hairspray on them, if it's coloured glitter the colour might run & anything you paint/spray on will make them less glittery/bright. You may find yourself consoling two little girls when you've ruined their new toys!

Don't validate this nonsense by pandering to this, you can't minimise their lives/experiences to appease him. He needs to get help and in the meantime accept this is his problem, not his young daughters!

Original poster
Thatglitter · 12/02/2023 12:12

Redebs · 12/02/2023 12:08

I would avoid glitter in future because it's a microplastic, not because it is a bit messy. Your husband needs to ease up a bit on the house issue and learn to enjoy the kids. Fingerpainting, anyone?

Yes I do get this. We do try to be mindful of what we buy usually and yesterday I definitely got swept up in the cute fairies etc.

DH is a big environmentalist. I think the mess and environmental issues have together produced this response.

OP posts:
Fairislefandango · 12/02/2023 12:13

Yep YANBU. My (otherwise non-clean-freak) dh has a verging-on-pathological hatred for glitter, but even he wouldn't go this far!

girlmumma19 · 12/02/2023 12:13

Your poor girls, do they not get to make a mess at all? No playdoh, paint, sand etc? That's what childhood is all about and how children learn, your DH needs to suck it up. He's at risk of them growing up and becoming exactly like him in terms of mess, surely he can see that isn't a normal reaction?

Reinventinganna · 12/02/2023 12:17

I would fill a bucket full of glitter and leave it balanced above a door for him to find.

Original poster
Thatglitter · 12/02/2023 12:18

girlmumma19 · 12/02/2023 12:13

Your poor girls, do they not get to make a mess at all? No playdoh, paint, sand etc? That's what childhood is all about and how children learn, your DH needs to suck it up. He's at risk of them growing up and becoming exactly like him in terms of mess, surely he can see that isn't a normal reaction?

They do get to do all that stuff and when it is an activity like that he is fune and we just clear up afterwards.

With the dolls/glitter I think the difference is that it gets everywhere and he has no control over where it gets. He can't just clear up once as they will continue to shed. He is also worried about inhaling microplastics.

And yes I agree he is in danger of creating the same issues in them. That's what I want to prevent. The responses in this thread have strengthened my resolve. He's at the park with them now. I'll tackle this after lunch and say I want him to make a doc appt.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thatglitter · 12/02/2023 12:19

Reinventinganna · 12/02/2023 12:17

I would fill a bucket full of glitter and leave it balanced above a door for him to find.

😂

OP posts:
TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 12/02/2023 12:21

I would brush it to remove loose glitter then spray it with a non-toxic, clear lacquer spray for fabrics.

Also get a four-inch diameter cork for DH's mouth.

Naughty1205 · 12/02/2023 12:25

Your husband clearly has a control issue, I'm sure there are other areas of his life he controls? What he eats? He needs to see a GP.